Remember that tiny, pearly white tooth as it peeked out of your baby’s gum for the very first time? Could that sweet little tooth be the same one that just broke the skin on the arm of your five-year-old? Or worse yet, the arm of your neighbor’s five year old. Many parents have the not so pleasant experience of having to deal with a toddler who bites. It can be frustrating and even upsetting, especially if he or she is biting other children. However, a toddler who bites is not malicious, or aggressive. Understanding toddler biting, and learning how to handle it as effectively as possible, can go a long way to reducing this unwanted behavior. 

When toddlers bite it does not typically represent a significant behavioral problem and should not be viewed or treated as if it is one. There are a few main reasons that toddlers bite: 

·        Exertion of control—very young children realize that biting is a form of power over others. Since there are very few areas in which toddlers actually have power or control, biting is one way they can exert themselves.

·        Frustration—toddlers are just beginning to have a command over language but they still don’t have the ability to express themselves fully. So if something happens that they don’t like (e.g. someone grabs a toy from them, hits them, etc), they may resort to biting as an expression of anger at the perceived attacker.

·        Experimentation—although this behavior is more often seen in babies, some toddlers still bite simply to see what it feels like.

·        Playfulness—Sometimes very young children bite as part of their play. Either they think it’s funny, or they get carried away while playing wildly with a parent or another child.

As you can see, toddler biting can serve many purposes for a child, and is almost never done with malicious or hostile intent. So, although biting is not a socially appropriate behavior, and a toddler who bites needs to be stopped, your response to it should not include:

·        Yelling

·        Biting the child back

·        Allowing another child to bite back

·        Punishment

When your toddler bites your should: 

·        Say, “NO BITING!” in a slightly raised and stern voice.

·        Very firmly remove your child from the activity and away from the person whom he or she bit for a few minutes, saying, “You can’t play if you bite”. This “time out’ shouldn’t last for more than a couple of minutes. If you were bitten, stop the interaction (playing, reading etc.) for a few minutes.

·        Tell your child that biting hurts the other person.

·        Shadow your child if necessary—this means not allowing him or her to interact with other children unless you or another adult is very close by. This is done to prevent your child from biting, and also to prevent him or her from being placed in a situation where he or she may be tempted to bite (e.g. if another child takes a toy away, you can intervene before your child bites). Shadowing also increases the comfort level of other parents who may be afraid your child will bite their children.

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Dr. Susan Bartell is a licensed psychologist specializing in helping children and their parents. She maintains a private practice counseling children and parents in many areas such as parent-child relationships, stepfamily relationships, behavior management, learning disabilities and social development. Dr. Bartell's website, www.HavingAnotherBaby.com, helps parents prepare themselves and their children for a new baby and manage sibling rivalry afterwards.