Cesarean Births affect nearly one in four families in America today and, while some women accept their fates with little afterthought, others are profoundly affected by the emotions that often follow the loss of the ideal childbirth reverie.

How to Cope

While the safety and health of a new baby entering the world remains the most important factor in childbirth, the emotional impact of a birth-dream gone amiss can not, and should not, be discounted. Many women experience an immediate sense of loss after the cesarean births of their babies, and some, through thoughtful research and investigation following their surgical deliveries, may have feelings of regret and ambiguity as to the necessity of the surgeries that brought their babies into the world. Like any other loss, these feelings should be deemed real and a mourning process should be allowed and supported by those around her.

Ask Questions. You may find yourself needing answers to questions surrounding the specific issues that led to your Cesarean birth. In many cases, the events leading up to the decision to deliver surgically may seem unclear in retrospect, so don't be afraid to ask your birth attendants, members of your support team and, most definitely, your care provider about what went wrong. Definitive answers to these questions can often bring closure and minimize feelings of personal guilt that some women experience.

Breastfeed. Breastfeeding your baby can be a wonderfully healing experience after a traumatic birth experience and helps many women regain a sense of power and control. Although somewhat more challenging than after a vaginal birth in terms of comfort, breastfeeding in the side-lying or "football hold" positions can make it easier on a tender incision and can help inaugurate a deferred bonding experience. Enlisting the help of a supportive lactation consultant can make all the difference in a successful nursing relationship after surgery, so don't hesitate to ask for help as soon after surgery as you feel ready.

Express your feelings. Lean on your close friends and family members for support and don't hesitate to express the feelings you're experiencing about your birth experience. Some women find that talking through the experience with a spouse or a close friend helps, while others find that writing about their feelings in a journal helps work through some of the emotions that may follow after a traumatic childbirth.

Grieve. The loss of an ideal childbirth dream can be devastating to some women and, just like any other loss, a grieving process is often necessary in order to move on and reconcile feelings. Don't be afraid to cry, be angry, and to feel remorse. Your feelings are normal.

Forgive. As difficult as it can be, recognize and accept that you're powerless in changing the past, and forgive yourself if you're experiencing any guilt over the outcome of your birth. Know that you did the best you could do for your baby and that the sacrifice you made for the safety of his arrival into the world was powerful and courageous. Find solace in your newborn baby and, if it helps, talk to him and express your grief and, if it feels right, apologize to him for the loss both of you have experienced.

Find support. Find an area support group of other women healing from traumatic birth experiences. It can be very therapeutic to talk through your feelings with others who have been there and understand what you're going through.

Empower yourself. If you're planning on welcoming another family member in the future, empower yourself through research, self-education and preparation for a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC), provided your incision was low-transverse (ask your health care provider if you're unclear as the nature of your incisions). Many women who suffered emotional anguish over a lost birth dream and experience a difficult time recovering emotionally will finally find liberation in taking more control over their own future birth experiences and experiencing successful VBACs.

Childbirth, although one of the most natural processes Mother Nature has to offer, can be unpredictable at times and some women who unexpectedly experience a surgical or traumatic birth will naturally have feelings of regret of remorse. It is important to not only recognize that these feelings are normal, but to work through them and to surround yourself with love, support, and above all, your baby, who will undoubtedly be the most reassuring source of comfort. If you have any questions about where to find a support group near you, contact your local hospital or birthing center for referrals.