The prevailing belief is that competition is good for everyone –
that someone without a strong competitive nature is just a wimp. 
That being competitive is human nature and to be noncompetitive is
to have been born without a necessary gene.

But is it human nature, or is it learned behavior?  The research
shows that, given a choice, most preschoolers prefer cooperative to
competitive activities.  This would seem to indicate that dog-eat-
dog is not a natural inclination.  And in a New York Times essay,
Nicholas Kristof told a hilarious story about trying to teach the
game of musical chairs to a group of five-year-old Japanese
children, who kept politely stepping out of the way so others could
sit in their chairs.  This would certainly seem to indicate "dog-eat-
dog" is taught in some societies – and not taught in others.

In America we play musical chairs in child-care centers, during play
dates, and at almost every preschooler's birthday party.  The rules
say that a chair is removed with every round – and one more child
gets to sit against the wall and watch everybody else continue to
have fun.  The game is over when there remains one winner – and lots
of losers.

In case you don't recall from your own childhood (or maybe you were
always the one winner among many losers), being eliminated feels
lousy, as does feeling like a loser.  And those other kids you're
playing with?  For the duration of the game they're not your
friends; they're what's standing in your way.  Children only have to
play this game once to know that, if they're not going to be labeled
losers, they have to do whatever it takes to win.  And we've all
seen what that means: punching, poking, kicking, scratching,
screaming, and shoving.  It's no wonder the research shows that
competition fosters antisocial behaviors.

When parents consistently place their children in situations where
winning is the ultimate goal – where the winners are considered
heroes and the losers "losers" – winning is what they come to
value.  They learn that only the end result counts, not the process
involved in getting there.  Further, when parents themselves fail to
conduct themselves with character, their actions speak much louder
than any words preached about good sportsmanship and the value of
teamwork and cooperation.

While the goal of many parents is to give their children a running
start on the development of sports skills (because success in sports
certainly must equal success in life!), the research shows that
competition is actually detrimental to skill development.  One
reason is fear of failure and its resulting stress, which isn't
conducive to either learning or performance.  Young children, in
particular, are susceptible to this problem because pleasing their
parents means so much to them.  And when their parents focus on
winning – either through action (screaming on the sidelines) or
words (asking "Who won?" instead of "Did you have fun?") – winning
becomes the children's goal as well.

Of course, you may think the goal of winning would be enough to
propel children into performing their best.  But young children
aren't cognitively ready to make that connection.  They attribute
winning or losing to ability, not effort.  Nor are they emotionally
ready to handle the pressure of playing mistake-free games.  And
they're not physically ready to play without making mistakes!

Finally, when product (winning) is emphasized over process (making
an effort), extrinsic reward is granted more validity than intrinsic
reward.  As a result, trophies and championships become the whole
point of participation.  And while this may not seem like such a bad
thing in a goal-oriented society, we're back to the issue of the
young child's stage of development.  Children under the age of eight
are motivated by pleasure.  And, yes, winning feels good when
everyone around you is making a big deal out of it.  But does that
feeling last?  And what about the children who aren't winning?

Dare I say it?  Winning isn't everything.  And if we want our
children to grow up to be self-assured, character-driven adults –
who also happen to have positive feelings about physical activity –
then it really shouldn't be.