Here are three issues that keep coming up for parents,
and an explanation of how parents can often solve their
own problems.

When you conduct parent workshops, you start to see the
same issues coming up over and over for parents. The
names and faces are different, but the issues are the
same. And the truth is that parents are often
responsible for many of these problems.

Problem #1: My kids don't listen to me

To expect that kids will listen to you perfectly all
the time is an irrational thought. Kids don't listen
and attend to things in the same way that adults do.
They can be intensely focused on the activity they're
involved with. Kids will often need you to repeat
things a number of times in a patient, pleasant tone.
And yes, your job is to be very patient with them.

It is often the "parental" tone of parents' voices that
is part of the problem when kids don't listen. After
all, who wants to be lectured constantly about what to
do? If things still don't work, take action-kids will
respond to action much better than they will to words.

Problem #2: My kids aren't respectful-they talk back
and argue too much

One of the problems with not having obedient kids
anymore is that kids feel more freedom to speak their
mind. This can be irritating, but it's far better than
obedient kids that just do what they're told.

If your child talks to you in a disrespectful way, you
have choices. One choice is to be angry with them and
to actually create more of the very behavior that you
dislike. Getting angry when your child talks back to
you is a great example of creating your own problems.

A better choice is to ask them what's bothering them in
a compassionate way. Kids will often take out their
feelings on someone who they feel safe with-you! And
remember that you can tell them in a calm and firm
manner that it's not OK to talk to you that way.

Arguing is a choice for parents. It still takes two to
tango. Most parents who complain about their kids
arguing are pretty good at it themselves. You may
disagree often with your kids, but arguments can
usually be avoided if parents stay disciplined.

Problem #3: My kids aren't achieving as well as they
should

Whether its' tying their shoes, getting better grades,
or success at sports, parents will always be worried
about how well their kids are measuring up. While there
certainly are situations that require extra help and
support, most of the extreme concern about your child's
development is a problem itself. When parents worry
about their child's capability, it sends a powerful
message to this child. Remember that Einstein and
Edison were poor students!

The responsibility of parents is to believe in their
child's ability to succeed and to set high expectations
for them. The rest is to be patient and to be aware of
your own insecurities. It is these insecurities that
may be part of the reason your child isn't doing well.

While it's easy to point fingers at your kids, remember
the old saying: "The apple doesn't fall far from the
tree."

Parents who attend to their own issues first will find
far fewer "rotten apples" in their tree.