Question for you guys...

*Grace* · 06-01-2010, 11:54 AM

I was going to write Dear Abby, but I think I'll just ask you guys instead. Every year, I shop all year for Christmas so I can get the best deals. This year I am thinking of cutting off gifts to nieces and nephews. Here's why:

1) My kids never get gifts from these kids' parents, so it's entirely one way receiving.

2) We don't make as much money or even close as these kids' parents.

3) One set we cannot give gift cards, because if we do, the mother spends them on herself or makes her kids necessities like underwear or school supplies. I feel like it is the parents' job to provide their children with necessities - not mine. (Besides, they make a lot more money than we do.) So I end up getting them books or craft supplies which I think just get thrown away. I know these kids don't read or do much except for play video games. I don't have enough money to buy $30 video games for kids who never say thank you.

I can't think of a single thing to get these kids. I resent the fact my kids never get anything these aunts and uncles. I never get any acknowledgment from kids or parents they even got the gifts. This year I am thinking of just saving my money. When is enough enough and it's time to stop gift giving?

ryann2 · 06-01-2010, 02:25 PM

That's a decision you have to make. We have gone through years where we weren't talking to Billy's family, but every year I sent gifts to the kids. I figured it wasn't their doing that we were being disowned for that year. Never got a thank you note, nothing. I figured that I continued to do it because it was the right thing to do. Do they have a larger income than we do? No, and maybe that made it easier for me to do it. I still do it to this day, I mail birthday and Christmas gifts to the other side of town because it's another year of disownment.

Their kids are still under 10 though, maybe as they get older I will scale it down. But as far as how GC are spent, I don't worry about that part, I did my job, no reason to worry about how it's spent. And if you buy them smartly, they can't buy underwear and socks at say, Barnes and Noble or with an iTunes GC....

*Grace* · 06-01-2010, 03:06 PM

The problem is their mom would just spend the gift cards on herself and take the same amount of money to buy them underpants and socks. Others have tried this one with her. She could probably find something for herself at toys r us.

LittleBit · 06-01-2010, 05:18 PM

We have always done books....
I am aware that one set of nieces and nephews don't read, but I still get them books. I try to keep it around $5 a kid, and that still gets expensive when you multiply it by all my nieces and nephews. Two of my siblings are even okay with used books from half or such so that makes it even better. I do not buy for grown ups, I just can't.

We decided this year to switch it to games, because then we purchase one family gift and encourage them to spend time together. I watch for games to go on sale (they normally do around Thanksgiving). I try to get board games for around $10-$15 each. That actually saves me money over the books we used to do, and since some of the family don't read it's on them.

*Grace* · 06-01-2010, 05:35 PM

I told dh that I was sick of spending all this money on people who never return the favor or even send a card. He is not ready to quit entirely, so this year we are are doing family gifts.

**Spaggie** · 06-02-2010, 06:02 PM

We did family gift baskets for several years (until even that got to be too much for our budget). We just finally told people we were only buying for the kids, and we only buy for the ones on Rick's side of the family. I have my mom take anything she plans on spending on Rick and I and have her buy for my brother's kids since she knows what the like/need. My sister and I agreed years ago to not buy for each other. I used to send her boys GC's to use for gas when they were teens - they loved that. But once they turn 18, no more gifts - we simply can't afford it. I buy for the kids of my closest friends (like Kimmy), but we keep it within reason.

But I will be honest with you - if their parents are not reciprocating in kind for your kids, then I would not be buying for them. Send them each an individual card, but leave it at that. Sometimes you just have to draw the line. Your girls are probably still young enough not to notice that family members don't return the favor, but some day they will.

Regardless, you do what is right for YOUR family and YOUR situation. If they can't appreciate it, it's their loss. You understand what family is about and are teaching your girls the same.

DQKaren · 06-02-2010, 08:53 PM

I figure if I don't buy for them they don't buy for us and thats ok. I want the kids to learn there is more to the holidays than presents. I still buy for my nephew (gabe) but I could care less if we got something in return. That's not the point of it.