We have all heard how different our lives will be once we have our first child.  Here’s a look at the humorous side of that scenario.

• I wear a bra ALL THE TIME and I choose it based on how much support it offers, not how pretty it is.
  
  
• I used to imagine I heard the phone or the doorbell ringing when I was in the shower, now I hear phantom baby cries.
  
  
• I can finish a meal — any meal — in five minutes flat.
  
  
• I have developed a previously undiscovered talent for one handed typing.
  
  
• Sleeping for only four uninterrupted hours used to be a bad night, now it’s a good one.
  
  
• I now provide a running dialogue of all of my actions throughout they day and I don’t worry about being caught since talking out loud is both allowed and encouraged when you have a baby.
  
  
• I get more excited by a diaper sale than a shoe sale (well, almost).
  
  
• Like a fortune teller reading tea leaves, I check the contents of a diaper for indications of health and general well being.
  
  
• I have perfected the “baby war dance”: bouncing down the hall on the balls of my feet while pound-pound-pounding the baby’s back in hopes of eliciting a burp.
  
  
• My improvisational skills have improved — I can make up and sing a nonsense song about anything, anytime.
  
  
• If I don’t do something immediately when it springs to mind, I forget what it was I wanted to do and I get distracted easily — even in the middle of a given task, I tend to lose my train of.