Afterbirth : When the hard part begins …

Afterbirth :  When the hard part begins.

Cravings:   An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Dilation :  One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor’s word for.

Elastiphobia:  Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for  “Most Stretch Marks.”

Maternity Clothes:  What a pregnant woman wears to show   people there’s a reason she’s fat.

Miracle:   (1) the birth of a baby.  (2)  The fact that you lived to tell about it.

Obstetrician: The doctor who tells you you’re doing fine when you think you’re caught in the jaws of death.

Pregnant Pause:  The amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman to get out of a chair.

Prenatal: When your life was still your own.

First Trimester: The first three months of pregnancy  when you wonder,  “Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?”

Second Trimester : The time when you ask the question,   “Will my husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?”

Third Trimester:  The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, “How much longer can I keep from waddling?”

Pushing:  The final effort to get a ten-pound  baby through an opening the size of a dime while your husband says “Only one more   push!” for the tenth time.