UGH My SIL strikes again!!!!

Ugh she sounds like a real PIA! to SIL!

Jan I think you handled it well. Okay this is what I do and you can take it or leave it. The child may ask but I also ask the parent to because what if they will not be there or they have other things planned after bowling. If the parents say fine then I do it, but if not I tell the parent and the child another time, but that I am routing for them there or there not. I know Rachel thinks the world of you and I am glad you two have a bond like that most Aunts and Uncles do not, not say all people but a lot of people do not. Is this your husband sister or your brother's wife? I can not remember. I love you and I know what ever you choose to do is the right thing for Jan.

sounds like she is jealous of your and rachelles relationship maybe?

i wouls personally talk to rachel if you can. just so you know that she was told

It's always hard to tell the tone from an email, and I don't personally know your SIL, so this is my opinion based solely on what I read here.

I'm not sure that she approached it properly, but I can understand your sister wanting to have mother/daughter time alone. It does seem like you are very involved in your niece's life (and I don't mean that in a bad way, just that you do have plenty of opportunities to see her through the week).

I also know that Jessi has a habit of inviting people to anything and everything, without ever asking me if it's OK or if I minded. I think a child doesn't actually think through how mom feels ... they are just thinking that they would like it. Kind of like kids with divorced parents ... they want BOTH parents around, even though that can't happen. Did that make sense? She just wants everyone around that she cares about.

I don't think your SIL is being unreasonable wanting some alone time with her daughter, but I do think her approach left some to be desired. I don't think you should feel offended - I really don't think that is your SIL's intention. I just think she should work on her people skills a bit.

I would leave it up to her to talk to your niece about why you can't/won't be there. And if she mentions it to you again, just say something about you'd love to come watch her one day, but that's her special time with mommy right now. It would probably upset her to hear that you can't be there because her mommy won't let her.

Did any of that make sense? Again, I'm only basing this on the emails and since I don't know your SIL personally, I can only guess this is what is going on.

Either way ... I'm so glad my family is small

Oh ... and Annie had some good advice too. I would have probably told your niece that you'd love to come, but you need to check with mommy to see when a good time would be. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you coming once or so, but maybe she's afraid it will turn into an every week thing and then she'll have no alone time with her daughter????

Again, just my unsolicited opinion

I know I do like you, Jan, and always ask my SILs when their kids recitals, games, etc. will be. That's my way of asking when will it be okay to go. They then call us and say "C's game is tonight at 6:30 if you guys would like to go see her play" and if we can make it, we do. That's what your SIL should have done, which I guess she did at the end of her first message. I agree that she could have worded her response differently and should have taken into account that her daughter had invited you (while I agree with Dawn that kids do tend to invite everyone to everything, your SIL still should have talked to her daughter about when to invite you instead of saying she'd rather you not come).

I guess what I'm saying is, while I see your SIL's side, I would be upset like you are because of the way she worded her response. Plus, I also think it would have been better if she had called you to explain all this rather than send an e-mail.

It's interesting to see how different families approach things differently. Of course, our family obviously isn't as close as Jan's or Lisa's, so it's an interesting perspective on things!

We live within 15 minutes of my seven nieces and nephews and we also don't see them very much throughout the year. We try to go to their games/recitals when we can but can't make everything and they don't invite us to everything. And like you, I would be thrilled if Alexander asked his relatives to his games and they came.

Personally, I plan my alone time with my kids doing stuff that they want to do. Them being on a bowling league, in my opinion, doesn't count for mommy-daughter/son time but it would if it were mommy-daughter/son teams. Make sense?

Personally, I don't see why your SIL wouldn't want you there. If she wants alone time with her daughter, then she needs to plan a day for them to go to the beauty parlor together, to go shopping together, etc., something where they can interact and not have one being distracted doing something by themselves (like bowling). I agree that while your niece bowls, mom is probably talking away with the other moms, not sitting by her daughter talking only to her, so what would be wrong with you going?

So I guess maybe I'm not seeing her side in this like I thought I was.

I would have done the same thing as you. Find out where and when and go and watch them. Hello your not asking to bowl with her? Just watch?? Come one how much could you be taken away from mommy and me time???

You are such a wonderful Auntie!!
Sounds to me that she is jealous of you as well. To her!!

Hon you handled that great...

yep...if anyone asks me to come and watch them...I will be there, but no one has ever asked me. lol