My brother is 3 years younger than me. He's always been in some kind of trouble. He means well, but he always gets in with a crowd that gets him in trouble. He has a good heart and he wants to help people. But he's the kind that will let someone have a party at his house because they don't have anywhere else to have the party. And then he finds out later when they show up that they are having a pot party, not a birthday party. Thinks they're smoking regular cigarettes until the cops show up. He has no stinking clue. That kind of thing. Or his friends ask him to go out to a friend's house to see his animals with them and they end up getting busted for going to a rooster fight in the guy's back yard. Or something like that. Never anything MAJOR major, but he's just always into something. He'll spend all his money to buy food for a cookout that his friends are having. And I do mean all of it. And then he complains when they cancel his car insurance for non-payment. You ask him where his money is and he tells you that his friends didn't have enough to eat at their party and he felt sorry for them, so he went out and bought $120 of meat for them.
OK--Well, he had one serious girlfriend in high school. They broke up because she started dating his best friend. He was living with her parents at the time because he was having trouble with my dad and stepmom, so he had to find another place to live quick. He ends up moving in with these two guys who need a roommate. Finds out that these two guys are an "item" after about two months of living there. Totally oblivious until then. Got scared and left everything there--his clothes, his furniture, everything. Moves back in with my dad. Wrecks his vehicle. Has no insurance. Almost kills a lady and her two kids. Ends up having to pay half of his paycheck every week to her insurance company to pay for her car.
My dad is out at a community meeting somewhere and runs into a friend of his. They go back to the friend's house and my brother meets the guy's stepdaughter. They hook up. He says that he felt sorry for her because she didn't have a lot of friends and her family was mean to her, and she needed somebody (him) to be nice to her. They end up getting engaged and are together for a while. He doesn't have a job, she doesn't have a job, and they're mooching off of her mom and stepdad. And my unemployed clueless brother is the most upstanding guy she's ever dated, according to her parents. I dunno. Anyhow. So, they're planning a wedding and then she decides she doesn't want to get married. She had told him all along that she had some kind of disorder where she couldn't get pregnant (although he never can remember what she told him she had) and she didn't want him to give up his chance of having kids by marrying her. Starts fighting about everything. Her parents tell James they don't know why she did it. They really like him and wish she'd change her mind, but they can't make her. He is heartbroken. Starts finding out from his friends that she's messing around with a lot of other guys.
He's out partying with my dad (of all people) one night about a month later and sees this girl at a bar. She's all over some other guy. When she sees James, she kind of throws it up in his face. So James and my dad leave.
Well, about two months later this girl calls him and tells him she's pregnant and it's his. Of course, she's told him all along that she can't get pregnant. So, he calls her mom and she tells him that yes, the girl is pregnant. But he finds out that she's like 3 months pregnant and they've been broke up at least that long. So, he says he doesn't know if it's his or not. But in case it is his, he starts giving her stuff and buying stuff for the baby and taking her to doctor appointments, etc. etc. etc. Well, they have the baby and she tells him that he can come to visit it and be a part of her life, but she still doesn't want to marry him, and she doesn't want child support. They are on again off again for a while and then she starts making excuses not to see James or schedules times for him to come and visit the baby and then ends up being gone or the baby isn't there when James shows up. So, he's spending time and money to go out to visit her and never gets to see his kid.
He ends up meeting up with a girl he'd dated in between the first girlfriend and this girl. They end up getting married. The ex-fiance gets involved with another guy. Gets pregnant with his kid. Goes to apply for food stamps and they tell her that in order to qualify for all of the assistance she wants, she has to pursue getting child support from the first child's father. She tells them she doesn't want to. They tell her she can't get Medicaid, food stamps, or anything else if she doesn't. So, the county comes after my brother for child support. Now mind you, this girl hasn't let him see the child in probably six months. So, he calls the county attorney and tells them what's going on. They say that she HAS to give him visitation rights if he's the father and he's paying child support. And then he tells them the whole story of what this girl's done to him and that he wants a paternity test. They tell him if he'll come in on the court day, they'll do a paternity test. Well, they do a blood test and it comes back with a 90% chance that someone with her type and someone with his type could have a child with this baby's blood type. But they didn't run a DNA test. They didn't explain that to him. So, he's paying this child support. Loses his job and they try to haul him in for non-payment. They go to court and the ex- has two guys there with her. Both of different races, and James sees her in the hall, and she starts trying to get the little girl to call one of them Daddy in front of him. His attorney sees it, too. Anyhow. They go in and say that he still hasn't been allowed visitation and that he was paying as long as he had a job. They set up a new payment schedule and demand that she give him visitation. Well, in the course of all of this, they find out that there was never an actual paternity test done. So, they tell him that they'll run one. If she's not his, he walks away free and clear. If she is his, then he has to pay $500 for the test. And he's not employed. He doesn't have $500. So, he's thinking it'll just be cheaper to pay the child support.
OK--this has been going on for ?????how long??????? She was born in 1999. She's almost 6 years old now. I've seen her twice. My mom's see her three times. And he still doesn't know if she's his or not. He lost another job and they tried to take him back to court again for non-payment last week. He worked something out with them. And of course, he still hasn't had a test run. He and his wife now have two kids of their own.
I mean, he got himself into this mess. And none of us really has the money to pay for him to get a paternity test. But he's like talking to a brick wall. $500 is a lot of money right now, but in the long run, you're gonna spend a lot more on the child. Wouldn’t you rather know now if she's yours or not than to waste tons of money if she isn't? I mean, granted, she's almost 6. They've established a relationship now. No matter what, he loves the little girl. But something's just fishy about this whole thing to me.
Am I the only one that sees something wrong with this picture? Am I wrong for wanting to just tell him I don't want to hear about it anymore? Does anyone know of any legal help places that coudl help you get a paternity test if you can't afford one? I have enough problems of my own. Dealing with his isn't exactly my favorite past-time. But as the "educated one" of the family, everyone always wants to know what I think. WHY?
Sorry--Just need to vent.
OK--Well, he had one serious girlfriend in high school. They broke up because she started dating his best friend. He was living with her parents at the time because he was having trouble with my dad and stepmom, so he had to find another place to live quick. He ends up moving in with these two guys who need a roommate. Finds out that these two guys are an "item" after about two months of living there. Totally oblivious until then. Got scared and left everything there--his clothes, his furniture, everything. Moves back in with my dad. Wrecks his vehicle. Has no insurance. Almost kills a lady and her two kids. Ends up having to pay half of his paycheck every week to her insurance company to pay for her car.
My dad is out at a community meeting somewhere and runs into a friend of his. They go back to the friend's house and my brother meets the guy's stepdaughter. They hook up. He says that he felt sorry for her because she didn't have a lot of friends and her family was mean to her, and she needed somebody (him) to be nice to her. They end up getting engaged and are together for a while. He doesn't have a job, she doesn't have a job, and they're mooching off of her mom and stepdad. And my unemployed clueless brother is the most upstanding guy she's ever dated, according to her parents. I dunno. Anyhow. So, they're planning a wedding and then she decides she doesn't want to get married. She had told him all along that she had some kind of disorder where she couldn't get pregnant (although he never can remember what she told him she had) and she didn't want him to give up his chance of having kids by marrying her. Starts fighting about everything. Her parents tell James they don't know why she did it. They really like him and wish she'd change her mind, but they can't make her. He is heartbroken. Starts finding out from his friends that she's messing around with a lot of other guys.
He's out partying with my dad (of all people) one night about a month later and sees this girl at a bar. She's all over some other guy. When she sees James, she kind of throws it up in his face. So James and my dad leave.
Well, about two months later this girl calls him and tells him she's pregnant and it's his. Of course, she's told him all along that she can't get pregnant. So, he calls her mom and she tells him that yes, the girl is pregnant. But he finds out that she's like 3 months pregnant and they've been broke up at least that long. So, he says he doesn't know if it's his or not. But in case it is his, he starts giving her stuff and buying stuff for the baby and taking her to doctor appointments, etc. etc. etc. Well, they have the baby and she tells him that he can come to visit it and be a part of her life, but she still doesn't want to marry him, and she doesn't want child support. They are on again off again for a while and then she starts making excuses not to see James or schedules times for him to come and visit the baby and then ends up being gone or the baby isn't there when James shows up. So, he's spending time and money to go out to visit her and never gets to see his kid.
He ends up meeting up with a girl he'd dated in between the first girlfriend and this girl. They end up getting married. The ex-fiance gets involved with another guy. Gets pregnant with his kid. Goes to apply for food stamps and they tell her that in order to qualify for all of the assistance she wants, she has to pursue getting child support from the first child's father. She tells them she doesn't want to. They tell her she can't get Medicaid, food stamps, or anything else if she doesn't. So, the county comes after my brother for child support. Now mind you, this girl hasn't let him see the child in probably six months. So, he calls the county attorney and tells them what's going on. They say that she HAS to give him visitation rights if he's the father and he's paying child support. And then he tells them the whole story of what this girl's done to him and that he wants a paternity test. They tell him if he'll come in on the court day, they'll do a paternity test. Well, they do a blood test and it comes back with a 90% chance that someone with her type and someone with his type could have a child with this baby's blood type. But they didn't run a DNA test. They didn't explain that to him. So, he's paying this child support. Loses his job and they try to haul him in for non-payment. They go to court and the ex- has two guys there with her. Both of different races, and James sees her in the hall, and she starts trying to get the little girl to call one of them Daddy in front of him. His attorney sees it, too. Anyhow. They go in and say that he still hasn't been allowed visitation and that he was paying as long as he had a job. They set up a new payment schedule and demand that she give him visitation. Well, in the course of all of this, they find out that there was never an actual paternity test done. So, they tell him that they'll run one. If she's not his, he walks away free and clear. If she is his, then he has to pay $500 for the test. And he's not employed. He doesn't have $500. So, he's thinking it'll just be cheaper to pay the child support.
OK--this has been going on for ?????how long??????? She was born in 1999. She's almost 6 years old now. I've seen her twice. My mom's see her three times. And he still doesn't know if she's his or not. He lost another job and they tried to take him back to court again for non-payment last week. He worked something out with them. And of course, he still hasn't had a test run. He and his wife now have two kids of their own.
I mean, he got himself into this mess. And none of us really has the money to pay for him to get a paternity test. But he's like talking to a brick wall. $500 is a lot of money right now, but in the long run, you're gonna spend a lot more on the child. Wouldn’t you rather know now if she's yours or not than to waste tons of money if she isn't? I mean, granted, she's almost 6. They've established a relationship now. No matter what, he loves the little girl. But something's just fishy about this whole thing to me.
Am I the only one that sees something wrong with this picture? Am I wrong for wanting to just tell him I don't want to hear about it anymore? Does anyone know of any legal help places that coudl help you get a paternity test if you can't afford one? I have enough problems of my own. Dealing with his isn't exactly my favorite past-time. But as the "educated one" of the family, everyone always wants to know what I think. WHY?
Sorry--Just need to vent.
That is a lot of stress there. I agree with you. I would save like $50.00 out of a paycheck if I could so in the end I could get the testing down to see if the child was mine or not. I agree paying for a child is going to be a lot more expensive then $500.00 and plus now days child support is not only till the child is 18, some of them include college. Bet he never thought of that. I to do not know of a place that would do this. Might call a doctor's office and see if they can help and if they know anything. I may be wrong but taking a chance never hurts anyone. I am thinking of you hun 
Dh does have a relative like that. He's pretty much said "whatever" to his cousin. I don't blame you for not wanting to hear about it anymore. Either he hangs onto a job and gets the paternity test or he pays and shuts up. Either way, you don't need the drama. 
