Ya'll don't really know me, I'm not a big poster. But I need some affirmation today. I just found out that I am pregnant with my 4th child. I am married to a good man/father, and we have 3 lovely, healthy, bright children, who are at times roudy and unruley, but they're just being kids. They are 9 (boy) almost 4 (boy) and 16 mos (girl). I work full time in a medical library, which I like but it's not a career-level job, and my husband works hard as a shop manager at a cabinet shop. Either of us could pursue higher-paying employment, but we lived in Vegas for 4 years, and we saw how materialism ruined lives, so we made a conscious choice to seek meaningful, enjoyable occupations - while of course being responsible. We have a small (1700 sqf) house on 5 acres, and a 3 acre lot about 10 miles away where we hope to build our dream house some day. For some reason I feel I need to tell you all of this - guess I'm trying to validate myself - who knows? I'm crazy and hormonal right now.
So, I told my mother last night about the baby, and she was (very typically) negative. "I don't know why you want to do this again, why you're doing this to yourself, why do you want ANOTHER child, you don't have room in that house..." The big issue for me is that she watches my kids (the 9-yr-old gets off the bus there after school) since my long-time sitter quit in June. She said she didn't know if she could last keeping them all. I told her that we didn't want her to feel like it was automatically her responsibility, that if she couldn't or didn't want to keep them, we'd make other arrangements. Then I said "ya'll had 4 and didn't have a big house or a lot of money starting out, and you made it alright." To which she replied "But *I* was HOME; no one else was caring for you all." What is that?? Like I can't have the family I want because I work?
So, anyway, I cried a lot last night. Not because I didn't expect this, but because there's still that little girl inside me that wants my mother's approval and acceptance, and it's just never going to come. I believe that she is reinventing the relationship she had with her mom with me (I've watched my husband's mother do this with her daughters - I think it's rather common actually). I've decided to ignore her negative commentary until she comes right out and says "I can't keep the children anymore." And until that happens, I'm just writing it off as her bad childhood resurfacing. I minored in college in Sociology - actually I wanted to be a social worker until I realized that I didn't like people much! And I'm trying to glean from my education some insight into the situation. My biggest fear is that I'll be doing this to MY daughter in 20 years!!! I'm a very active mother, I can't even begin to tell you the battles I've faught for my children, and I am more involved in their lives and care than a lot of SAHMs!! So, it's particularly hurtful that she's acting like I'm just going pell-mell into this without thinking!! BTW: I'm 35 - the same age as she was when she had her last (me)! Ideas, comments, input? Has anyone made it this far? If so, thanks for reading; I know it's long, but I needed the outlet.
Belinda
So, I told my mother last night about the baby, and she was (very typically) negative. "I don't know why you want to do this again, why you're doing this to yourself, why do you want ANOTHER child, you don't have room in that house..." The big issue for me is that she watches my kids (the 9-yr-old gets off the bus there after school) since my long-time sitter quit in June. She said she didn't know if she could last keeping them all. I told her that we didn't want her to feel like it was automatically her responsibility, that if she couldn't or didn't want to keep them, we'd make other arrangements. Then I said "ya'll had 4 and didn't have a big house or a lot of money starting out, and you made it alright." To which she replied "But *I* was HOME; no one else was caring for you all." What is that?? Like I can't have the family I want because I work?
So, anyway, I cried a lot last night. Not because I didn't expect this, but because there's still that little girl inside me that wants my mother's approval and acceptance, and it's just never going to come. I believe that she is reinventing the relationship she had with her mom with me (I've watched my husband's mother do this with her daughters - I think it's rather common actually). I've decided to ignore her negative commentary until she comes right out and says "I can't keep the children anymore." And until that happens, I'm just writing it off as her bad childhood resurfacing. I minored in college in Sociology - actually I wanted to be a social worker until I realized that I didn't like people much! And I'm trying to glean from my education some insight into the situation. My biggest fear is that I'll be doing this to MY daughter in 20 years!!! I'm a very active mother, I can't even begin to tell you the battles I've faught for my children, and I am more involved in their lives and care than a lot of SAHMs!! So, it's particularly hurtful that she's acting like I'm just going pell-mell into this without thinking!! BTW: I'm 35 - the same age as she was when she had her last (me)! Ideas, comments, input? Has anyone made it this far? If so, thanks for reading; I know it's long, but I needed the outlet.
Belinda
