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How soon??

post #1 of 13
4/18/05 at 3:02am
Thread Starter 
Will you tell others you are pregnant the next time? Considering I've had two miscarriages now, this has been on my mind. My dh wants to wait four months the next time. Four months seems a long time to me, but family hurts too (as they clearly let me know in the past) when a miscarriage happens.
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post #2 of 13
4/18/05 at 3:14am
Tough one. I have never been in your shoes so i dont' know.

my dad on the other hand wheni suggested that i don't want people to know too soon said that your true friends and family deserve to know so they can be there for you no matter what the outcome
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post #3 of 13
4/18/05 at 9:43am
Thread Starter 
That's a very good point. It's hard for me not to tell right away because I get so happy and excited. Not telling seems so fatallistic, KWIM? Like I'm planning on having another miscarriage. Am I making sense?
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post #4 of 13
4/18/05 at 9:56am
Yes you make sense. I told everyone immdeiatly when I found out I was preg with Logan. I was almost 3 months by the time I found out. It took Ed a while to tell people though. When I told my boss she was hessitant for me bc of my prev 2 miscarriages. She didn;t want to see me go threw it again bc it had happened to her before. But with her last she was almost 5 months before she told us. I just couldn;t wait that long!!
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post #5 of 13
4/18/05 at 9:58am
If I had a miscarraige I think I would wait to tell acquaintances. I think I would tell immediate family because they would be supportive through anything.
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post #6 of 13
4/18/05 at 10:07am
After the first time I didn't tell anyone except my MIL(because I had to borrow the money for my progesterone) till after 12 weeks. I figured if no one knew then I didn't have to go through the agonizing process of telling everyone the baby died. For me that was harder then just dealing with it alone, it hurt to have to say it over and over again. With the second baby I lost I had made the mistake(after having a normal ultrasound and everything going smoothly) I told everyone at about 8 weeks, then lost the baby 3 weeks later anyway and had to go through that nightmare again. I don't think I told anyone I was PG with Jesse(I even waited a while to tell DH), I just didn't say anything. DH told some people though and everyone pretty much knew by about 14 weeks.
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post #7 of 13
4/18/05 at 9:31pm
We pretty much told everyone right away. I figured that they would find out anyways and I want them to be there for support either way.
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post #8 of 13
9/30/05 at 8:56am
I am having a miscarriage right now, but I am pretty sure we'll try again.
I agree with the fact that telling aquaintances (sp?) was the hardest part, and I am glad my friend did that for me. I just did not want to see the sorrow on their faces.
However, if DH and some good friends or my mom didn't know, I would not have been able to cope. I needed to be able to talk to them to deal with it.
I thought about not telling anyone until it becomes obvious, not even DH, but if I do miscarry again, not only do I have to tell him why I am so upset, I also have to tell him I lied.
I know for sure I won't tell the boys until I have a healthy ultrasound with a beating heard. They sure don't have to deal with it again.
Unfortunately I took them to the ultrasound where they found out something isn't right, and they were there the entire time when everything unfolded. I still wish I could have spared them that.
But I will tell my mom and DH as soon as I find out, and good friends a little later. Other people can figure it out when I show, or when everything seems to be fine.
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post #9 of 13
9/30/05 at 9:08am
Everytime I lose one, I promise myself I won't tell anyone the next time till I'm 12 weeks, but I can never keep my trap shut I get so excited everytime, but at the same time I let everyone know my fears. I must admit, I got to the point where I was so embarrassed about not staying pregnant. I also thought Elaine and Tara were rolling their eyes whenever I got preggas, cause they kept having to move my journal in and out of the prenancy journal forums every 2 months. Ofcourse, that was just my head thinking weird thoughts again

Eva I'm sure having them there during the U/S just helped explain things better. It would be much harder for a child to understand when they don't see what is going on.
My kids were never told I was preggas till I saw the heartbeat, but it was sooo hard not telling them escpecially when Skye would be bouncing on my belly. All I wanted to do was say, HEY WATCH OUT THERE'S A BABY IN THERE!, I knew I couldn't because the chances of a good outcome were slim
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post #10 of 13
9/30/05 at 10:03am
I know of people that waits 3 months to tell the family.

I do feel you need to tell your close family so that they will know what is going on, but on the other hand if you tell your pregnant...miscarry...then the next time when you get pregnant you might get that look or they might say something...that would make me upset.

I haven't ever been in that situation so I guess I'm just rambling.
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post #11 of 13
10/1/05 at 2:07am
That is a tough situation because you are excited and want to share the excitment but on the other hand when there is a problem or something goes wrong it is so hard to tell evreyone and face them i think of course your spouse and imediate family i mean those are the people that will help you through if things don't work out i am a hair dresser and could not wait to tell my clients i meet with most of them on a monthly basis i was so excited to share my good news then at 5months i miscarried i was so scared to go back to work and face these people and tell them what happened one after the other thank god i have such a wonderful boss who called most of them for me and just let them know what happened i still had some that would come in and say how do you feel or did you find out yet what you are having i never want to go through that again good luck with evreything
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post #12 of 13
10/1/05 at 2:08am
Aiden James is just so cute what a beautiful baby congrats
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post #13 of 13
10/16/05 at 4:43pm
I didn't wait to tell people. Our daughter died almost 2 weeks past her due date. So when we were pregnant again we didn't have the option of waiting to get past "that point". We told everyone right away. We also told everyone right away this time too. I think we'd end up having to tell them if something happened. I told people at work who I work closely with and my principal b/c I needed to leave early for an appt.
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