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How Close Are You To Ur Mom?

post #1 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:09pm
Thread Starter 
describe your mother and daughter relationship


its going to be a month tomorrow since weve been married and my mom hasnt even spoken to me. makes me feel sad inside.
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post #2 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:13pm
I talk to my mom many times a day. We email back and forth all the time while she is at work. We have a WONDERFUL relationship and are very close. I could not imagne it any other way.
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post #3 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:18pm
I am sorry things are still like that with you and your mom.

My r/ship with my mom is so hard to describe. She is just wacked out, and she is not loving or nurturing, or anything you would want your mom to be. I do see her and spend time with her, but I keep my distance emotionally if that makes sense. If I am sick or anything, I know I cannot count on her, it's Kyle's mom that I rely on. BUT since my mom has been sick, I have totally been there for her and done more for her than she ever has or ever would do for me. I just think it is the right thing to do, no matter what. My mom likes to stir up trouble and be the center of attention, so I don't let her in on too much of my personal life. I like to play it safe. She has stabbed me in the back lots of times, and she is a very jealous person and is very jealous of my friendship with my MIL. Growing up she was never there for me, which was so hard to deal with, but I survived, you know? She is an alcoholic, but I am not sure how much she is drinking these days since she has advanced Oral Cancer. I know everyone probably wonders why I even talk to her, but you know, she is all I have besides DH, Emily, and DH's family. (My sister and I are close, but she's in California.) My mom is not all bad, she can be very generous and she loves Emily, so that is good. I just know to watch myself around her and not to count on her for anything.
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post #4 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:19pm
Jen, you are SO BLESSED!
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post #5 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:25pm
Thread Starter 
yeah i know what you mean, Tammy. i have been told by people that they think my mom is jealous of me. that i find very crazy to believe but i dont know. She raised me until i was about 3 and than bounced on my dad leaving him to raise my brother and I. I ended up moving in with her when i was 15 and lived with her till i was 18. But i dont know. she is so toward my dad and wishes i wouldnt talk to him. It just makes me to see how she wasnt in my life in the beginning and missed out and now shes chosing to be like that in my son life.

yeah im totally close to MIL she is wonderful to me and treats me as if i was her daughter. i just wish my own mother would be this way.
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post #6 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:36pm
I know, and now that you have Raymond, doesn't it blow your mind even more? I cannot imgaine leaving Emily or not being part of her life now or when she is an adult. I don't understand how our moms can be so wacked but you know, it's their problem, not us. It's just crazy. Based on what you said about your wedding and all that, I do think your mom is jealous of you. It sounds like she is like my mom and she wants all the attention herself.
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post #7 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:39pm
Thread Starter 
SURE DOES!!
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post #8 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:41pm
My mom and I have a great relationship if she doesnt tell me how to raise my daughters and we dont spend more than a few hours together at a time.
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post #9 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:42pm
That just sux! I mean, on normal days, okay, maybe you can deal with it, but it is bad when it interferes with your wedding. but you know, my mom would do the same thing. She was on her best behavior for my wedding, I must say, but she has done this on my birthday and also one of my baby showers was on my birthday and she refused to come and made a big deal out of it and acted like a baby. It really hurt my feelings, so I can imagine how you felt about your wedding, etc. She is really shortchanging herself by not being part of Raymond's life. It is very sad!
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post #10 of 34
5/15/05 at 8:57pm
Thread Starter 
yeah it is. its just embrassed me that day, everyone knew what had happened but tried to not act like they knew. i was embrassed for Ray side of the family for them to see how she acted. Up till now when people ask how was the wedding it just makes me upset because she stoled those happy moments i wanted to feel that day. i wish she wouldnt have shown up. yeah she tends to act up around birthdays too. oh well..

Raymond is getting closer to his other nana so i guess thats really good.
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post #11 of 34
5/15/05 at 9:02pm
I think it is good that he has one Nana that is good to him, and Emily is really close to MIL too. My mom plays with her and has fun with her, but doesn't take care of her. She has NEVER even changed Emily's diaper! So there is even a limit with Emily when it comes to my mom. I just think my mom was too selfish to have kids, but of course I am glad she did. She just wasn't a good mom.
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post #12 of 34
5/15/05 at 10:24pm
I don't really have a relationship with my mom right now.

I have made the decision not tot alk to her based on her actions.
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post #13 of 34
5/16/05 at 12:01am
Nikki,
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post #14 of 34
5/16/05 at 12:19am
Until they colonize Mars, she's way closer than I would like.

I'm sorry you didn't have a good mother growing up, Tammy. I understand. For years, I had a relationship with my mother where she manipulated the heck out of (trying to stop cussing ) me and I just took whatever she dished out, because she was all I had. I have more now. I have a nice family of my own and I'm not going to spoil another minute of our lives. There's not a thing in this world wrong with her though. Easier for me to cut her out of my life for that reason.
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post #15 of 34
5/16/05 at 12:25am
Lenora, I know what you mean. My mom can be very manipulative, but as I have grown up and especially since I have had Emily, and in spite of my mom's cancer, I have put a stop to a lot of her theatrics and general crappola. I think she is learning that I have a limit, and most of the time she is on her best behavior with me these days. When she first found out she was sick, she was so afraid she was going to die, and she was so nice, like a totally different person. As her treatment went on, and she realized she was (at least for the time being) beating the disease, she turned back into super b!tch again. Now she has chilled out a bit. As I said, I do what I think I should for her, but I don't take her crap any more. Emily and DH and our life together is much more important, and I won't let her interfere with our happiness.
I am also sorry that you had the kind of mom you had. Isn't it so great, though, to grow up and get away and do better for yourself? It's such a testament to the kind of person you are, Lenora, that you have done exactly that.
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post #16 of 34
5/16/05 at 12:32am
Thanks, I've had a lot of therapy. My mom will outlive us all if she doesn't fat herself to death. I swear her big plan is to get so big, she can't leave her house. She weighed over 400 when I last talked to her and it was still climbing. And she's a very short person. I've begged her for years to lose weight and work out, but she always has an excuse. Finally, I figured if she doesn't care about herself enough to do something about it, why should I? Her mom died from fatness and drugs. I guess her big plan is to do the same. I'm tired of wasting my life loving her and caring about her when it is never returned and no respect is ever given. I don't think my mother even thinks of me as an adult. to her, I have my own life now. And I'm not putting up with her isms and threats.
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post #17 of 34
5/16/05 at 12:37am
It sounds like she has a lot going on under the surface that she is not willing to face. Don't you think? I mean, I am overweight, but not like that, and I think for people that get to that point, it's like alcoholism or drug addiction, it's a form of self-medication. And you are so right, you can't help her if she won't help herself. It's the same with my mom. She's practically starving herself to death, weighs 86 pounds and I have given up nagging her to eat or to use her feeding tube. She weighs less now than when she was in the midst of chemo and radiation last summer. Her doctor finally told me to just let her be, that she had to work it out for herself, that I could not make her do anything and I could not do it for her. It's just like what you said, only the doctor had to practically me to get me to come to that realizaton.
You are so right, too, about having your own life. It's easy to get bogged down or overwhelmed by our parents' issues and to lose sight of our own lives.
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post #18 of 34
5/16/05 at 12:46am
Your dr is right. I know my mother has issues, but they are her issues. If she wants to be miserable and weigh 1,000 lbs there's nothing I can do about it. Begging, pleading, crying, and letters to Richard Simmons haven't done it. I'm overweight too, but not like that. I'm doing something about it now, too. I've always been what she considers "atheletic". She has some stupid idea that only "athetes" work out. It's just another excuse. She owns Richard Simmons videos. She knows better. But there's always another excuse with her and another game.
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post #19 of 34
5/16/05 at 12:50am
It's all part of the manipulation. . .
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post #20 of 34
5/16/05 at 3:22am
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post #21 of 34
5/16/05 at 9:41am
I love my mom, but she was very over-protective of me when I was younger. As my stepdad said, she had to grow up very young, and I'm the one thing she did right. So, she was very strict about what she expected of me. And it got really annoying when I was younger, but I lived with it. When I moved away, we got along great. But when I moved back home, we were constantly at each other's throats. It was awful. Now that I am married and on my own and have a child, I think I talk to her more and ask her advice more, which is really what she wanted when I was living at home. I do not see her as much as I'd like, but we enjoy each other much more than we did when I was younger.
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post #22 of 34
5/16/05 at 9:59am
I don't have a close relationship with my mom. I guess she did the best she could, but I don't think she knew how to be a mother, doesn't have the loving instinct I guess. It is better now then when I was younger, but only because i have a new appreciation for being a parent and I just strive to give to my kids what I didn't get from her. She is much different with the boys.
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post #23 of 34
5/17/05 at 5:53pm
Diana I am sorry, it has been a year and some days not talking to my dad. I can relate a bit.

My mother and I have a different relationship. We talk every Sunday on the phone. I listen to her and her problems and she listens to me sometimes. I am always nerves when I first see her but the last couple of times have been great visit's and no stress. Mom is getting older and I think that helps. I only see my Mom once to twice a year. Always been that way.
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post #24 of 34
5/17/05 at 7:57pm
Thread Starter 
i am very close to my stepmom. she pratically raised me and my brother when we were babies. She was only 17 when she met my dad and married him and up till this day she and i are still close. Im glad i had her and my dad walk me down the aisle rather than my own biogolical mother. oh dont know, i do miss talking to her but i guess she feels different for me.
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post #25 of 34
5/18/05 at 5:33pm
That is so nice Diana.
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post #26 of 34
5/18/05 at 5:41pm
I don't have a relationship with mine. I decided my life is better off without her. I wish I had been born to a sane, decent woman, but unfortunately, I wasn't. I just try to be a better mom to my own kids. I had the perfect role model of what a mother shouldn't be.
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post #27 of 34
5/18/05 at 6:03pm
My mom and I are very close we see and talk to each other a few times a day. I'm sorry it's been a month since you have talked to your mom
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post #28 of 34
5/18/05 at 6:40pm
I was getting upset with my Mother when she died.

We were EXTREMELY close. So close we would argue about stupid stuff.. she was controlling.. and it wasn't until after she passed that I became awar that she was so controlling.

I was very close to my mom.. and it was because of that, that I was getting angry with her.

It was Christmas Eve 2003 and my Dad and I were out shopping (as we've done EVERY single year since I was a tiny baby) and we started talking about Mom. He and I both said that we knew she wouldn't live another 5 years if she kept it up the way she was going. She was extremely heavy.. we knew that would kill her.

Little did we know that 25 days after My dad and I would have that conversation that my Mother died.

We had that love/hate relationship growing up, but our relationship was getting so much better now that I was getting older.
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post #29 of 34
5/18/05 at 9:04pm
My mom and I get along great and we're really close. We talk on the phone everyday and see each other a couple of times a week.
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post #30 of 34
5/21/05 at 5:22pm
My Mom and I get along great as well. We email pretty much every day and talk 1-2 or 2-3 times a week by phone and we visit as much as we can. When we are visiting we try to do one or two just mother/daughter thing like shopping, getting our hair done...etc..

I am sorry your mother hasn't spoke to you in a month.
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