need opinions please - birthday related

Dh and I are having a disagreement on something. I didn't know where to post this thread, but I thought Parenting was a good choice.

My question is "do you think remodeling a child's bedroom is a good birthday present if the child really wants it done?" I'm talking new comforter, curtains, bed sheets, throw pillows. I also need to mention that I would get one other gift about $20.

Okay, form your opinion now.






I really want you to have an opinion before I tell you what is going on.





Do you have your opinion yet????????







I'll keep going in next post.....

Okay, background info that is really needed, imo.
We spend about $100 on birthdays and $200-250 on Christmas for each child (we have 3).

My son who will be 11 next month (and going into JR. High) went from a single bed to a double bed a couple months ago (a part of growing up stage, etc. Of course, he had to get a new bedspread, sheets, and I bought 2 throw pillows.) He had the same Jeff Gordon theme for almost 7 years. Just the expense of the bedding/pillows was less than $100, but he needed it because his bed was now bigger. There also is no theme to it - just solid colors and boyish.

Our youngest daughter 'E' will turn 7 in October. My sd "J" will turn 15 in December ( a week before Christmas). At the time my son got his new bed, dh told both girls they could remodel their bedrooms, too, without getting my opinion first.

My biggest problem with this is that E got new bedding when she turned 5 (bedspread and sheets only-no big deal, but it was still $80). J entirely redid her bedroom last summer ( I say this) or the summer before (dh says this) - walls, ceiling, bedding, sheets, curtains - to the tune of $300-350 (not including paint in this cost).

I need a reason to justify redoing the bedrooms again, so I came up with the birthday idea...... will continue.

I told the girls last week that they could each do their bedrooms for their birthdays. However, I told J that the cost of hers may creep into her Christmas depending on all she wants. E was really happy, J was not.

I am ready to spend $125 -135 on their birthdays this year because of this. However, I am not ready to spend $300 or more for J's birthday and then spend another $200 on her for Christmas.


Can you tell I need a reason to justify this since we just did this within the last 2 years??????????? I believe the kids need to learn that they just can't change things any old time they want - that there is a cost to it! If they really want it done, then they will be happy with it as their birthday gift.

E chose a bedspread that matched her carpet and is willing to use her sheers that she has had since birth. We are also going to paint her room. Cost for the bedding/sheets/throw pillows will be $100-125.

J wants to totally change her color scheme which means walls, bedding, curtains, and she even wants new carpet (no way!). I don't know if she is willing to change what she wants or not.

Dh hates the idea of doing the bedrooms for their birthdays. Says neither girl can change their bedrooms now.

will continue....

Why spend that much money on clutter, things that will be put under the bed and not played with or just forgotten, excessive clothing, etc.? It's not like they won't get those things anyway from family and friends.

Opinions, please!!!!!!!! I see nothing wrong with redoing a child's bedroom for their birthday if that is what they want (knowing they would only get one other gift from us).
I also see nothing wrong with putting a cost limit on it. For instance, If J wants to do $400 to her room (not including the cost of paint) then that would be $135 as her birthday gift and all $250 of her Christmas. She either needs to accept this or downsize what she wants. This is just an example, but do you see the point I'm trying to make?

Thanks in advance for reading this and giving me your opinions!

I need to explain about my son. First, it's not like he would get whatever he wants for his birthday. I had already decided to lower his limit a little ($80) while I decided to raise the limit for the girls.
Second, as far as what is fair and not fair in terms of the kids. There have been a ton of things that haven't really been fair to C if one looks at equal fairness. It is extremely difficult to keep things fair for all kids. We have done things for J that we haven't done for the other 2 kids, etc.

The girls just did their room within the last 2 years or less. C had his room for a little less than 7 years. That is a bit difference.

As far as J having to help with the cost, dh would have a fit because "the other 2 kids didn't have to help pay theirs." However, the other 2 kids didn't/doesn't want to spend several hundred dollars either. It all goes back to the fairness thing.

The first 2 years that J lived with us, it was anything J wanted J got because dh felt guilty.
Then dh changed tactics and it was 'if I had a problem with something J wanted then none of the other kids could have what they wanted either' type of thing. This is what this disagreement is about. Dh hasn't even mentioned C and his bedroom, but I'm just waiting for when he does. He's putting the two girls together. If J can't spend $350 then E can't spend $125 mentality. That's what I'm fighting against.

I didn't really want to get into all that, but felt I needed to so the situation is more clear to everyone.