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How do you know when you're done?

post #1 of 14
6/29/05 at 9:30pm
Thread Starter 
Hi girls.


can you all help me sort through something that is heavy on my mind?

How do you know when you had all the kids you want?

Is it really danagerous to have kids past the age of 35?
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post #2 of 14
6/29/05 at 9:47pm
I have three, and I no longer see babies and have that desire to have another one. I realized one day that I'm glad to be able to sleep all night and not have to carry a diaper bag everywhere. I didn't make a conscious decision not to have more kids. I just know that I'm happy with my family as it is, and I don't want anymore.

I don't think it's more dangerous to have kids after 35, but the older a woman is, the more likely she is to have complications. And being able to pregnant after the age of 35 can be a lot harder because the eggs are older.
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post #3 of 14
6/29/05 at 9:48pm
We just knew, we felt it. After everything we went through with Brandon, we felt truly blessed to have Austin and Connor.
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post #4 of 14
6/29/05 at 9:48pm
I had my miracle at 39 - and had no problems.
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post #5 of 14
6/29/05 at 10:10pm
I think now a days - it's safe to have children over 35. I think there might me a few more risks - however, the doctors are well aware of them and they are minimal.

As for knowing when you are done... I'm not sure. I'm 99% sure we are done. We aren't "planning" anymore at this point. But, if some thing were to happen, that would be ok too.

(Don't get me wrong - I'm REALLY sure we are done now. )
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post #6 of 14
6/29/05 at 10:59pm
Thread Starter 
thank you ladies. my mom had me when she was 35 (I was child number 5 but we were all spread out) and I have had lupus since the age of 5. My parents later went on to have my little brother when my Mom was 42. He turned out perfectly.

My husband was wondering if he was just the acception to the rule.

Now my sister has 6 kids as well but all of them are much closer in age (13, 9, 7, 5, 3, and now newborn). I know - WOW! She homeschools them too!! lol...... anyway she is 42 now and her last three children there has been something medically challenging for them. The 5 year's heart valve wasnt shut properly and had to be on a montior for a year. Since then she is fine. The 3 year old chest protrudes out and has to have surgery to correct it. The newborn was born at 24 weeks and his head is very distorted (not face but the head part).

Im 34 now so it really got me to thinking....and worrying. Is it a gamble as they say? I tell you at the doctors office they do about all but putting you up on the table and nipping you there once they know you are near the age of 35!!!
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post #7 of 14
6/29/05 at 11:04pm
Do you know what? It's always a gamble though - whatever your age. I have a friend who has a down syndrome child and she had her at the age of 26 (ish). Then I know a lady who had her last child at 39 and the baby was perfectly healthy.
I think they run alot more tests once you are over 35 as a precaution.

JMO.
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post #8 of 14
6/30/05 at 12:58am
good questions... i am 34 and would like to maybe have one more child, but it took so darn long to concieve our first one i could be in that 'danger' zone by the time we score this time
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post #9 of 14
6/30/05 at 12:06pm
Honestly, I wondered the same thing for many years. Then all of a sudden when I was pregnant with my 4th I just knew. I don't have any better way to explain it. I was happy with my four and knew that I did not have the desire to be pg again and we decided that we were sooo blessed to have four children that we didn't have the desire for a 5th. Now I can just spoil my neices and nephews.
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post #10 of 14
6/30/05 at 12:28pm
We stopped at two because seriously we could not afford 3. I would have loved to have 5 but I know that is not happening. Age never really concerned me for pregnancy, one of my very good friends now has 2 kids and she is 44 in August. her youngest is 5. no problems.
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post #11 of 14
6/30/05 at 12:49pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you ladies so much. I really appreciate ya'lls cander. I really LOVE having the two I have now!! lol.... But I got pregnant with Alyssa (baby #2) at a bad time with my lupus and my health got worse afterwards. If I had gotten pregnant flare up free it would of been fine. I still worry about the kind of mom I can be to them. I want to be that energic mom that plays with them all the time, but it cant happen. This adds to my concern about being a mom to 3.
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post #12 of 14
6/30/05 at 12:57pm
Cats I think you answered your own question. You are worried what kind of mom you would be if you had 3 and the 2nd pregnancy flared up with the second. THey need you and if it was me I would be happy with the two you have.

Is the lupus reversible? Maybe but I wouldn't put myself in jepardy of my kids not having a mother. KWIM.

aboard.
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post #13 of 14
6/30/05 at 1:18pm
I know for me it'll be a hard decision to make. We're expecting #3 and still debating if we want more. Neither of us wants to do anything that would make the decision "final" because we just haven't reached the point yet where we know we're through. Our kids bring so much joy into our lives and I know we'll never regret having them or regret not having more in case we don't.

But there are so many factors to consider and for you, your health is a big one. If you're still unsure, go with your husband and talk to your doctor about your illness and get their opinion on what another pregnancy is likely to do to your health. Then just follow your heart. Sounds like you have two wonderful children and I'm sure like me you feel blessed to have them.
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post #14 of 14
6/30/05 at 1:29pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks ladies.
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