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Is anyone TTCAAL?

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
I was wondering if anyone was actively trying to concieve after a loss? I don't think it matters if you've had a loss and then a healthy child then ttc again. I am in that position now and the same insecurities are still there. Or if you are ttc following the loss....

I'd love to share my experience with you, offer support, find you any help you might need, etc.
post #2 of 15
Thanks Abby, there are several ladies here who have

The support is awesome!
post #3 of 15
I had a miscarriage, a healthy child and then another miscarriage. We are currently ttc 5 months post miscarriage. It is hard.
post #4 of 15
I am currently pregnant 3 years after the loss of my daughter to stillbirth. It is very scary and I know that I'm going to be overly cautious the entire 9 months.
I won't feel at ease with anything until my healthy baby is in my arms.
post #5 of 15
Thread Starter 
Elaine--I've been there. Actually our stillbirths were around the same time. Our daughter, Molly, was born on 2-1-2003. It took us 6 months to concieve Zachariah. It was a stressful pregnancy but my doctors were wonderful. I went for weekly appointments from the beginning. One thing that really helped me was renting a home dopler. I could listen to his heartbeat any time I wanted!

Grace-- We are ttc right now too. I am not the most patient person when it comes to ttc. All in God's time....I have to keep reminding myself.
post #6 of 15
Several of the ladies here have had losses, and I'm sure you will find them very supportive. I, myself, have a healthy son, and have had 5 miscarriages since then, and am still TTC - I haven't given up hope yet, anyhow.
post #7 of 15
I am just starting to try after a loss at 5 months it is so scary especially because my first 5 months were great and the doctors said evreything looked great so nothing will put me at ease this time until i have that liitle baby in my arms
post #8 of 15
Thread Starter 
Nicole--You are abosolutely right. Nothing will put you at ease until you have a healthy baby. I have been there. I lost my daughter at 9+ months (42 weeks). Two weeks past my due date. My loss was due to a cord accident. It didn't make my next pregnancy easier knowing it was not genetic but I did make it and now I have a happy, healthy 14 month old and am pregnant with #3.

If you need anything, let me know.
post #9 of 15
Thank you Abby Congrats on your third that is wonderful and so brave after such a tragedy I want to start trying so bad friends of ours are all having babies some of who were pregnant with us so that has been hard i look so forward to becoming a mom i think about all the time we had so much planned all ready before our names were picked out our babies furniture our work schudules were adjusted babysitters i feel we were so ready and it was just taken right away from us so fast i tell my new doctor i feel like i will never make it through but he is very reassuring he will do what he needs to to make things easier so now i just need to do it thanks agin for listening
post #10 of 15
Thread Starter 
Nicole--I know what you mean. I had the car seat in my car. I had the nursery set up, a swing in my living room, a cradle in my bedroom. Instead of planning our baby's dedication at church we were sitting with our minister planning her funeral. You are still so fresh from your loss that it is hard to think clearly. I remember telling my doctor that I could not watch a 30 min. television program b/c I couldn't understand it. She told me it was normal but if it continued then I need to tell her. By 6 weeks I noticed it was getting better. I also remember people talking to me and I was seeing their mouths move but could not "hear" the words. It was as if I was in my own little bubble. The grief is that deep. I know you know this but I want you to realize you are not alone.

It does get better. Not easier exactly but different. I never moved on. I never allowed that. I just learned to enjoy life in the place I am. And that is the place of someone who has a child who died. It is not a fun club but one I belong to just the same. No one will EVER understand unless they have gone through it.

We chose not to wait but to ttc right away. It is not the right decision for everyone but it is what helped us. Every time I walked by the nursery my heart broke even more. The best advice I can give you is to do WHATEVER you need to do to feel better. Whatever it is as long as it is not dangerous or unhealthy. Stay home, go out, talk about it, write it down...whatever. My husband and I are very faithful and our church family helped us tremendously. I don't know what your situation is with that but if you are involved with a church then reach out to them. Most people want to help but won't offer help unless you ask. I made a list in my mind and to this day people still fall into two categories....those who ignored me after the loss and never mention my daughter or her existence and those who were good solid friends to us (who told us they didn't know what to say but wanted to be there anyway). Those are good people. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. I can recomend some good books that deal with infant loss if you are interested. They don't have all the answers but, again, they will let you know you aren't alone.

Nicole, I hope this helped. I am having serious trouble with my home computer. It somehow vantracted a virus. Please know I am NOT ignoring you but I am having a hard time loggin on at home. Being a teacher does not give me much time at work either. Feel free to email me too if you'd rather. <<huggs>>
post #11 of 15
Abby thank you so much for the wonderful e-mail and for taking the time to write back to me i am sure you are busy at home and work i have bought some books that were recommened to me from my counselor some i have browsed through i have not actually read through one yet i have to say i feel like i am doing much better then i was it has been 6 months since my lost i went from saying i will never get pregnant again to i least being willing to try i know it will be the only thing to make me happy my husband has been wonderful his name is Ryan he is 27 and i am 28 i will be 29 in november evreybody keeps saying oh you are young you have time i hate that i realize we are young but time will do nothing for me i see how i am and i know i want to try again i have to admit i have not been to the cemetary yet not since we buried the baby i just can't bring myself to go that makes me feel bad sometimes i don't want people to think i am not acknowledging the fact but it is still to hard for me i know it shouldn't matter what people think but it does sometimes you had mentioned about seeing who your real friends are that is for sure sometimes i wonder do people not say anything because they don't know what to say or because they are not acknowleging it even if they say something as simple as how are you and ryan doing are you feeling ok i would know what they mean but i guess evreyone is different well thank again for listening and i hope all is well
post #12 of 15
Thread Starter 
It wouldn't matter if you were 21 or 41. I got the same comments from people. One thing my minister said to me a couple days b/f the funeral..."People will say some strange things to you. Try to remember that most of them are not mean spirited." I remember wondering what the heck he was talking about but by the funeral I KNEW he was right. People say the strangest things and they hurt my feelings. I usually just nodded my head or said, well that's one way to look at things but it's not how Mike (dh) and I feel. I had a neighbor say, Don't worry you'll have lots more kids. WTF?? I didn't want other kids I wanted that kid.

Empty Arms was a good book. Did they ever give you a reason for your loss?

I'll be back in a bit.
post #13 of 15
there was a chromosonal problem along with fluid on the brain and a heart problem my doctors say it was just a fluke thing or bad luck but that does not make me feel better some people think well thats good and i guess it is for the simple fact it is nothing ryan or i carry the doctors said i should have miscarried early on and i didn't i was showing and all we brought both of our moms with that day of the ultrasound because we were going to find out the sex and it was a level two so i thought it would be fun for them to be able to see well the nurse went and got the doctor and he came in and told us i have never in my life felt pain like that before my heart was broken from there i had to go to the hospital and deliver thats why i just said to ryan tonight i don't even know sometimes if it is worth trying i can't imagine ever having to do that again i knew it was going to be horrible but i will admit i was nieve going in that hospital and i just think back on those days and those weeks after i look at myself now and know i have come along way but it is still so hard thanks again for listening
post #14 of 15
I looked at Zachariahs pictures he is just adorable he is so cute
post #15 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thanks Nicole. It's a hard road. Like I said, if you need anything, let me know.
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