Ok I probably SUCK at this...

Don't worry about venting Genie you need to, and believe it or not 99% of us are right there with you. Sometimes you just have to let off steam and here is a great place to do it. If the 1% of the people bug you and bring you down for being human and saying things here where your kids can't see them ............. well .................thats what the ignore button is for right!!!!!!!!!

And I so know what you mean I have been having so much trouble with the boys at school (Well TK has been doing well this year but last year ) Rick has been in trouble with the police, he also got sent home from school yesterday for his attitude and Tk is cutting his arms again and this is just the last 3 bloody weeks.

I am so bloody stressed out about it all that I am about ready to admit that yes I love my kids but I'm obviously a useless mother so put them in foster care and see if you can find them a decent mother

Eveytime I go to write about any of this I just get so stressed I don't even bother any more and that was before the great "I am" arrived on the scene.

You are NOT alone Genie, hell you are not even in the minority, I wish we were but I think most people with teenagers have these kinds of years, of course if this was a sitcom, sitting them down and talking to them for a few minutes would solve all the problems but this is real life and unfortunately real life sucks sometimes. (I tell you what tho, if I hadn't already gone thru this with Greg and come out the other side with a wonderful, mostly, considerate young man as the result I would give up right now)

I don't know if I'd call it patience, I think I've just gone numb

And that's what I keep telling myself, Greg was a fair little sh!t at times and we had so many problems with school and attitudes etc, but we got there in the end and he really is a good kid now )(sorry make that a great young man)

I know I would not be so stressed about it all if I could just talk to you guys about it but everytime I try I just choke so I haven't really said anything about it, I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner because then you wouldn't have felt so alone with the teenage angst problems you are facing, trust me, if you have a teenager you are going to have problems.

Heck the only reason my kids don't sneak out is bc they are to darn lazy to get out of bed

You're a wonderful mother, Genie. You throw your daughters awesome birthday parties and teach them how to dress and behave in such a way that they will not be hurt by the thoughtless remarks of others. You can only do the best you can. No one's perfect. I know I'm not but counseling and my medication have helped me see that it's okay. Your a good mother. You children aren't afraid of you. Psst! Here's a little secret even I snuck out at night all the time. I lived way out in the country and I just went for a run or a walk, but even I did it and I came from the most religious, strict background possible. Jessica is a polite, well mannered young lady which is a lot more than a lot of kids I see everyday. So you must be doing something right. And she keeps a wonderfully clean room. I know parents who would kill for a neat teenager. Today is a bad day. Tomorrow will be better and if it's not, IM me. I'm so filled with allergies lately, I barely feel like leaving this computer.

Being perfect is an unrealistic expectation, and no one I know has that expectation for themselves or anyone else.
Being a mom is not easy. All we can do is our best. We also have to look objectively at ourselves, recognize when we have screwed up (which I do my fair share of), and vow to do to better (and really mean it and do better) and not repeat the mistakes of the past--our own or our parents'.

Wow, Genie! I am glad you are going to tell her. Jessica may be too prideful or stubborn to let you know that it means anything to her, but it will. My mom was very abusive to me verbally. Lots of implied name-calling, out-right name calling, and just mean, hurtful things in general. If she had ever just said that she had said those things in frustration or in anger or in HER own twisted way to perhaps get through to me, then it would have mean A LOT to me. Instead, she never admitted to doing anything wrong or to ever hurting me and even when I told her she had hurt me, she twisted it and made it my fault.
I hope Jessica really listens to what you are going to say and that she recognizes that you are telling her this because you do love her and care about her.
As for this, I don't know that "everyone" was thinking it, but I will admit that to some degree I did think it. I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to feel attacked. And I don't think they meant to come off as if they were attacking you. I know Laurie very well, very well, and I know that was not her intent and I know Roxanna tried to set the record straight about her intent, too. I don't think they meant to do any harm, but it's like you said, you were p!ssed and just not in the frame of mind to read any criticism or anything that seemed critical.
Anyway, right now the only thing that matters is your relationship with Jessica. Keep us posted.

I snap at Angela all the time. I know what you are going through because I am doing the same and she's not quite a teen yet. You are a wonderful mother, Genie, a loving, caring wonderful mother.

It's always a good thing to let your children know you love them, and to try and 'catch them being good' at least once a day and tell them you are proud of them for what ever it is. Sometimes it is that their room has been tidied up without you having to tell them, or that even under provocation from a sibling they were nice to them.

However being frustrated with a child does not make you a bad mother, if that were true than I am a shocking mother. There are even days that I wish I had never had children at all. But I do love my children and I do the best I can. Sometimes I don't do what I should have done and realise that later on but I have always apologised to my kids if I have been unfair to them and they seem to understand, they have all told me at one stage or another that they understand and that they feel the same way sometimes. At least they know if they have done something wrong then it is OK to admit it and apologise.

And about the skirt issue, when I was 17 and working I saw the most gorgeous copper coloured metalic jumpsuit (OK it was the 80's) and I fell in love with it. I was very tall and slender with a wonderful figure (typical isn't it, you don't know what you've got til it's gone) I had never tried on anything that didn't look good. I tried on this jumpsuit before I bought it, came out to look in the mirror expecting to look fantastic and I looked like a metallic frog, it was hideous. Needless to say I didn't buy it. Sometimes things just plain don't suit us and they make us look like short fat toads. Telling Jessica that something doesn't suit her is not a bad thing, so even tho you were telling her to stop her wearing it, it doesn't hurt her to find out what does and doesn't suit her.

Having one of my kids sneak out at night would frighten the living daylights out of me and they are huge big strapping boys, like you I have been raped and it does tend to make you more - I was going to say aware but I think the correct term would be - hyper aware of the dangers. And teenagers do tend to think they are 6 foot tall and bullet proof, we have to try and let them make their own mistakes as much as possible so they can grow and mature but at the same time we need to protect them from things that will scar them so badly they may never get over them.

You are a warm, caring human being, if you didn't love your children so much you wouldn't give a damn about them or what they wear or what the consequences of that could be.

If YOU feel that you have something to apologise for to Jessica then do so, sit her down, tell her how scared you are for her and tell her that you over reacted and say you are sorry, but also tell her that bc you love her you are not going to give in on this issue but that you will consider her opinion more and get her to promise to do the same to you.

If she loves those clothes so much then maybe she could wear them to an all girl sleepover (with appropriate supervision to ensure no sneaking out or in by anyone). At her age she should out grow them fairly quickly and then make darn sure your mother knows that you will no longer allow her to buy her clothing that should only be seen on stage NOT in 'real' life. Tell your mother that you will open her presents from her first and confiscate them if neccessary and then she will be left with no present to give to Jessica at all if she keeps it up. If she loves the smiles from giving gifts she will learn to follow your rules.

You've just had a baby and your hormones are still out of whack, do not, and I mean DO NOT allow this to send you spiralling back down to where you were before, you have worked to hard to get back some balance in your life and your children love and need you in their lives. If you or they were taken away from each other then Jessica will feel guilty for the rest of her life bc she will blame herself.

Hang in there Genie

Genie, I am glad that the way I put it didn't upset you or seem judgemental. I do make mistakes with Emily. I hate it when I yell at her or hurt her feelings. I try to be loving and kind and to treat her the way I wish my mom had treated me. Whenever I go to far, I do try to go back and tell her I am sorry and to reassure her that I love her and I won't yell or whatever again. She is only two, and I don't know how much she understands. She's very bright and articulate, so I like to think she understands.
All any of us can do is try our best. I wish there was some recipe for being the best mom in the world or for raising the best kids in the world, but there isn't. So, we are bound to screw up, sometimes ROYALLY. And once again, all we can do is try to make things right, apologize, love our kids, and move on.

I urge you not to ignore your instincts on your dd's clothes and companionship. My dh's cousin Ashliegh was the sweetest, unfortunately, most naive girl in the world. She had a boyfriend her parents detested, she lied and snuck out at night to meet with him. So they let her see him anyway despite their misgivings thinking he was a phase she would pass. And then he put a bullet in her head. I know this is an extreme example, but sometimes there is no second chance. You do what you have to to protect your dd from these bad news boys and any boy who wants to meet with you out on the street at midnight instead of meeting your parents and taking you on a proper date is bad news.

I think we all know how you feel and have been there once!! I feel that way all the time and my kids are 7 and 2!! Just know your not alone!! I could ramble on forever about this, but My stupid nails don't let me type how I would like too!!

Everyone has those days or times. I didn't reply to this thread when I first read it because I don't have a teenager and the thought of Kelsey growing up scares the pants off me....LOL I mean I know how willful she is now--I can't picture her in 12 years. I have had bad days and have snapped.

The only thing you can do is apologize to your children and next time you hit the end of your rope, back away and talk to them when you can do it without yelling(although I think sometimes a little yelling helps it sink in on how upset you are)

Don't let a complete stranger get you down, it honestly isn't worth it. Life is too short and precious to waste feelings on a complete stranger, especially if it will spiral you back to where you were a few years ago! (I obviously missed a lot being out this week)

Focus on the good things Jessica has done and let her know how much you appreciate those moments and how proud those moments make you feel.

One of the best lessons you can ever teach your child is to screw up (not majorly and I don't think you did) and then apologize to them. They learn more from this single act than anything else in the world. They learn that even adults so stupid things and just because we may say or do stupid things .. that does not make us stupid people. KWIM

Sorry again if any of my posts are or were put badly. I just know from experience that it is sometimes easier to listen to a person that is very removed from the situation than it is to listen to yourself sometimes!!