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What do you do when your child is cruel?

post #1 of 12
11/27/05 at 11:07pm
Thread Starter 
What do you do for a child that hits/bites/pinches/kicks constantly? How do you teach a child to understand that their actions can hurt other people?

This child knows that hitting and/or hurting someone is "bad" and they know they should not do it but they do it anyways. Often he says "sorry" as he is hitting.

He often hits when he does not appear angry or upset. Such as coming up and pinching an adult relative. He has layed on top of an infant that was on a blanket on the floor and this pushed the baby's face into the floor. On another occasion he held his hands over the baby's face/mouth so it could not breathe.

The violence is not limited to just at home. This happens at school too (he is 4 1/2). It is not limited to the other kids in the class but the teachers as well.

The cruelty is not limited to just people. This child often purposly hurts animals.

He lacks total empathy.
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post #2 of 12
11/27/05 at 11:14pm
Sounds like he has a major disorder, I can't remember what it's called, but it's like ODD but worse and usually involves hurting or killing small animals. People with this problem usually need to be locked away as adults Poor kid has a grim future by the looks.
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post #3 of 12
11/27/05 at 11:17pm
Sorry about not having any useful answers for you Megan.
The problem is that these kids are missing the part of the brain which holds feelings of compasion. They basically can't understand emotion so seem very cruel.
The poor thing porbably really can't help what he is doing. I don't know that there is any treatment
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post #4 of 12
11/27/05 at 11:18pm
I am not sure what to tell you on that one hon. I am going through the same things with Nick. I have yet to figure out a way to help him understand, and he is only 21 months old. We've tried ignoring the behaviour, removing him from the situation, and out of desperation, even doing some of the things back to him, but he STILL does it all the time
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post #5 of 12
11/27/05 at 11:21pm
Michele what I posted doesn't apply to a 21 month old...ok?
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post #6 of 12
11/27/05 at 11:38pm
thanks Genie
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post #7 of 12
11/27/05 at 11:56pm
I'd get him an appointment with the school counselor to get to the bottom of this. In the meantime, I would keep him as far away as possible from that baby. It sounds like he has a lot of jealousy issues about the baby. The baby needs to be protected from his wrath. I hope he gets some help soon. He sounds like a real meanie.
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post #8 of 12
11/28/05 at 12:07am
Here's what I found about Conduct Disorder - http://www.focusas.com/ConductDisorders.html

I personally know kids who have had this. It requires a lof of patience, therapy, and usually medicaiton. However, all three boys I know who had it grew up to be decent hard working people with stable relationships - however, they could never go or be without their medication or they were totally out of control and violent. I hope that little boy does not have this.
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post #9 of 12
11/28/05 at 12:53am
Thread Starter 
Baby is far far far away now... And this is not any of my children. I am just so concerned and have been for awhile now. I think they are in the beginning stages of getting him help. He has been referred by the school for some testing I believe. I am just so sad about this and do not know what to do or say about it.
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post #10 of 12
11/28/05 at 2:38am
http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour...t_conduct.html

Read Brandons story on this page Meagan...sounds like the kid you described
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post #11 of 12
11/28/05 at 5:45am
I saw a TV program years ago about children without empathy, I really can't remember much about it just that part of the treatment involved taking the child away from the situation and holding him in a cuddle for quite sometime.

I'm not quite sure what the reasoning behind it was, to me it seems to be rewarding the child for bad behaviour but apparently they were achieving good results with the children involving actually either learning empathy or at least learning to reason out their behaviour in a way that mimiced empathy.

Not terribly helpful I'm afraid.

(Isn't a lack of empathy part of the diagnosis of a sociopath??)(sp?)
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post #12 of 12
11/28/05 at 5:38pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Knight
(Isn't a lack of empathy part of the diagnosis of a sociopath??)(sp?)
Yes..that along with the cruelty to animals.
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