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Do you plan on taking care your parents or in-laws as they age?

post #1 of 13
1/9/06 at 11:58am
Thread Starter 
Do you have a plan to take care of your parents or inlaws as they age. What plans do you see. Taking them in, checking on them regular, put them in a home?
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post #2 of 13
1/9/06 at 12:02pm
Well, at present time, we don't live near either set of inlaws. I guess it's just something we'll deal with when we get there. We don't have the financial means to support them, and they all have retirement plans, insurance, etc. to take care of them in a decent manner. I don't know that I'd really want any of them living with me. I don't mind seeing them, looking in on them, makign sure they have what they need, but I saw what my inlaws went through when MIL's mom lived with them, and it was physically and mentally hard on them and it was bad for their relationship. So, I guess it just depends on the situation all the way around when the time comes.
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post #3 of 13
1/9/06 at 12:14pm
My plan is not to see my parents until the day I die and if possible to aviod them in the afterlife as well. My MIL already lives with my BIL and his family. My FIL is pretty much a mess mentally. I don't know if he would allow any of us near him. He's got a lot of problems from Vietnam and his childhood still. I really think the ideal situation for him would be the VA home where he could be cared for by specialist who are experienced with the problems he has. Also, dh and I simply don't have the health now to take care of his parents let alone 15 or 20 years from now when they may need the help. They're pretty independant people. A lot would depend on what they want.
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post #4 of 13
1/9/06 at 12:46pm
H@ll no!!

I joke with my mom that I have a basement she can live in, and that not to be surprised if one day her wheelchair goes down a steep hill.. on accident of course. No I guess I would have to take care of my mom, since I am the only child.

As for MIL, she would probably stay with SIL.
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post #5 of 13
1/9/06 at 12:50pm
I dont think they would move in with me. It would really depend on what the problme with them was. I would find them a nice home and visit often.
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post #6 of 13
1/9/06 at 1:10pm
We will do what ever the situation demands.
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post #7 of 13
1/9/06 at 1:27pm
My parents are in their 70's now, so we're in the middle of it already. My dad cares for my mom (wheelchair bound, has diabetes and Parkinsons) and will until they need in home care, they are very financially well off and won't need help for that. Once my mom passes (and it sounds harsh, but she has a host of ailments and my dad is quite healthy, his family has a long history of longevity), my dad can stay in their house or move in with us. Once we move in the spring, we plan on an in-law suite for him, ready when he is.

My in laws? God I hope not. I will do what's needed, but I won't be happy.
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post #8 of 13
1/9/06 at 2:54pm
I have never actually thought about that, guess I just thought they would live forever.
My father has already passed on, and my mom is remarried so his family will figure for him as for my mom, I don't think I will ever have a big enough home for her to move in with us, but I will do what I need to for her.
As for in-laws, I will not have them live with us, no way in HELL. FIL probably will pass before mil and she will probably move in with sil because she would love to have a babysitter 24/7. Other bil can pay for anything else, he's the one with the $$
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post #9 of 13
1/9/06 at 5:09pm
My in-laws are in their 80's, and when we were nearby, I'd bring hot meals every day or two, and check on them and such. Now that we're across the country, my BIL and SIL do that, and help out when needed. If we were still nearby, and they needed to live with someone, I would have been happy to move them in with us. But now that we're out here, that's just not practical.

My parents? My SMIL would insist on going into a home, based on her personal experience - she was sole caretaker for her mom for nearly 20 years, after her mom had a stroke. But if my dad wanted to move in with us, I think we'd find a way. And I love my mom, but I think she and I would make each other insane within the first 14 days, so I'd have to say no to that one.
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post #10 of 13
1/9/06 at 6:16pm
Well my Grandparents are 78 and 79 this year. They still keep up thier 2500 sq foot house and 1 1/2 acres of land. They both have part time jobs and my Grandpa volunteers for the Legion Post. I'd take them in in a second, or more likely move into their house.

I assume my mom will do quite well until that age as well. I'd take either of my parents or Mike's parents. If something was serious enough that we COULDN'T care for them only then would I put them in a home.
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post #11 of 13
1/9/06 at 6:25pm
Well the plan is to live within shouting distance of my mom and step dad once we are out of the Army. And I will happily care for the both of them in their own home until the day they pass. My in laws...hmmm not sure what they would want. I cannot imagine MIL ever wanting to move in with the kids again. My real dad....well now he has his new family in California and they can take care of him.
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post #12 of 13
1/9/06 at 6:33pm
i would do what is neccesary, most likely put my dad into a home. i joke with my step mom that she is never ever living here... although they tell me it is MY responsibilty to take care of them when they need it. I am the only child in town so i would be doing whatever it takes to keep them happy and comfy no matter where they are.

MIL? No thank you!!

never say never though
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post #13 of 13
1/9/06 at 9:32pm
Right now, I take care of my mom as much as I can. She won't come live with us even though she is not doing a good job of caring for herself. I take her to her doctor's appointments, etc. Other than my MIL and my mom's friends (who are not entirely dependable), it's all up to me.
With my MIL, she is currently living with us, but doesn't need us to care for her. When the time comes, we will do whatever she needs.
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