This should be one of the happiest times of my life. I am planning my wedding, getting married to a man that treats me like I have never been treated before. A man that Loves me for who I am, no matter what I do. My Best friend. I am happier than I have ever been in my life. But, there is something that is marring my happiness. I try not to let it show, I keep living my life. But, there is a hole in my heart where my sister used to be. 
I don't know how much I have told you all about my childhood, but I feel like I must give you a little backround so you can understand fully the bond she and I used to have. It all started when my parents were divorced. I was 5, Tracy was 11, and our other sister was 9. My mother was a very sick woman, mentally. She was extremely bipolar. She tried to kill herself several times when she was married to my father, all before I was born. She was destroyed when my father cheated on her, divorced her, and then married his mistress. She got custody of us, and everything went worse from there. She started taking sleeping pills and sleeping the day away. Tracy was forced to take care of us. We lived in poverty, no food, no clothing that fit us, no one comfort us, but Tracy. She would wash our clothes in the thub when we had water and my mother would sell her blood to buy what food she could. Eventually my father proved my mother unfit and got custody of us. Tracy refused to live with my step-mother so she was put into a foster home. She is diabetic and stopped taking her insulin and went into a coma, we almost lost her. I was lost without my big sister, my defender. My other sister would beat the crap out of me almost daily. Then my mother remarried, to a drunk abusive, evil man who beat her senseless at least once a week. When Tracy turned 16 she was given the option to choose what parent she wanted to live with. She chose my mother. When she moved in she witnessed the abuse and my mother wound up bascially becoming my sister's child. She would constantly tell her she was going to kill herself. Eventually my sister met and fell in love with her current husband. She moved out and planned to get married. Shortly after she moved out my mom killed herself. 5 days before Tracy was to get married. My sister has never been the same. None of us have ever been the same.
She has been unhappy in her married for a long time. We started going out to the bar every Friday as a break away from our lives shortly after my divorce. She started drinking all the time. Long story short, she had become an alcoholic. She cheated on her husband several times. Eventually she used me as a cover to her husband to be with her boyfriend. Our friendship was never the same after that. I just didn't feel right being used like that, especially since I was cheated on in my marriage. She got mad and the first rift in our relationship was formed. We didn't talk for about 3 months, and then I started getting depressed and suicidal. Will called and told her. She and I started talking again. then a few days later she went and told a bunch of people that Will threatened Faith's (my daughter) life. I was furious and hurt. I told her how I felt and she cussed me out. I decided that I needed to walk away and I was healthier without her in my life, until she stopped drinking and being cruel. We didn't talk for about 9 months and then she invited me to her son's birthday party. I then got a mean voicemail from her when I told my other sister that more than likely I wasn't going because it would just turn into a fight. She called again and told me I was a selfish B#tch and I was a snobby B#tch, and I was just like my mom's family. (My mom's family disowned her and us) I had a panic attack and sobbed so hard I made myself sick. I then called her back and tried to have a civilized conversation with her. She hung up on me. We haven't spoken since.
She has left her husband and moved into an apartment with her boyfriend. I commented to my family how young he was, and that she should have waited a while for her kids to be adjusted to her and their father being apart. Of course my family agreed with me, and then proceeded to go and tell her what I said. Now I am an evil B#tch that has kicked her when she was down and trying to get her life on track.
If you are still reading this, God Bless you. Anyway, I am broken hearted over this. But, it feels like this relationship is irrevocably broken. All I wanted from her in the first place was an apology. I got excuses and denial, and cussed out, and my character called into question.
I just needed to get this off my chest. I miss my sister. The way we used to be.
I don't know how much I have told you all about my childhood, but I feel like I must give you a little backround so you can understand fully the bond she and I used to have. It all started when my parents were divorced. I was 5, Tracy was 11, and our other sister was 9. My mother was a very sick woman, mentally. She was extremely bipolar. She tried to kill herself several times when she was married to my father, all before I was born. She was destroyed when my father cheated on her, divorced her, and then married his mistress. She got custody of us, and everything went worse from there. She started taking sleeping pills and sleeping the day away. Tracy was forced to take care of us. We lived in poverty, no food, no clothing that fit us, no one comfort us, but Tracy. She would wash our clothes in the thub when we had water and my mother would sell her blood to buy what food she could. Eventually my father proved my mother unfit and got custody of us. Tracy refused to live with my step-mother so she was put into a foster home. She is diabetic and stopped taking her insulin and went into a coma, we almost lost her. I was lost without my big sister, my defender. My other sister would beat the crap out of me almost daily. Then my mother remarried, to a drunk abusive, evil man who beat her senseless at least once a week. When Tracy turned 16 she was given the option to choose what parent she wanted to live with. She chose my mother. When she moved in she witnessed the abuse and my mother wound up bascially becoming my sister's child. She would constantly tell her she was going to kill herself. Eventually my sister met and fell in love with her current husband. She moved out and planned to get married. Shortly after she moved out my mom killed herself. 5 days before Tracy was to get married. My sister has never been the same. None of us have ever been the same.She has been unhappy in her married for a long time. We started going out to the bar every Friday as a break away from our lives shortly after my divorce. She started drinking all the time. Long story short, she had become an alcoholic. She cheated on her husband several times. Eventually she used me as a cover to her husband to be with her boyfriend. Our friendship was never the same after that. I just didn't feel right being used like that, especially since I was cheated on in my marriage. She got mad and the first rift in our relationship was formed. We didn't talk for about 3 months, and then I started getting depressed and suicidal. Will called and told her. She and I started talking again. then a few days later she went and told a bunch of people that Will threatened Faith's (my daughter) life. I was furious and hurt. I told her how I felt and she cussed me out. I decided that I needed to walk away and I was healthier without her in my life, until she stopped drinking and being cruel. We didn't talk for about 9 months and then she invited me to her son's birthday party. I then got a mean voicemail from her when I told my other sister that more than likely I wasn't going because it would just turn into a fight. She called again and told me I was a selfish B#tch and I was a snobby B#tch, and I was just like my mom's family. (My mom's family disowned her and us) I had a panic attack and sobbed so hard I made myself sick. I then called her back and tried to have a civilized conversation with her. She hung up on me. We haven't spoken since.
She has left her husband and moved into an apartment with her boyfriend. I commented to my family how young he was, and that she should have waited a while for her kids to be adjusted to her and their father being apart. Of course my family agreed with me, and then proceeded to go and tell her what I said. Now I am an evil B#tch that has kicked her when she was down and trying to get her life on track.
If you are still reading this, God Bless you. Anyway, I am broken hearted over this. But, it feels like this relationship is irrevocably broken. All I wanted from her in the first place was an apology. I got excuses and denial, and cussed out, and my character called into question.
I just needed to get this off my chest. I miss my sister. The way we used to be.
