My family #%&*!

We are leaving for Disney in the morning. We planned and paid for this trip in the fall. My mom was invited. She didn't want to go, and this was before she got sick. She started chemo last week, and I checked into cancelling or postponing our trip, and we were told we would lose our money. Over $1100! We just can't do that. It would be different if my mom was deathly ill, but YESTERDAY she went shopping with her friend Jackie and they went and ate Mexican food, too. They were gone for over 5 hours. If she has that much stamina, she is not sick enough for me to stay home.
Today, we went to have lunch with her. We ordered spinach and artichoke dip as an appetizer. Mom tried it and made a HUGE "to-do" about it being hot (spicy). She took one tiny bite and went on and on about it. Holding her mouth, drinking water and tea and carrying on. She does this ALL THE TIME, and I have learned just to ignore it.
Finally, Kyle asked her, "What do you eat at the Mexican restaurant that doesn't burn your mouth?" He didn't say it unkindly or anything. SHE WENT OFF ON HIM! She got this TONE in her voice and told him, "I am not making this up believe me! No one wants to have this happen to them!" In unison, Kyle and I both told her he didn't say that, he was merely asking a question.
From then on, she sat at the table and LITERALLY pouted and cried. I finally asked her what was wrong and of course she said nothing. My MIL, ever the one to try to pacify everyone, kept trying to talk to her, and I just ignored her.
After we ate, Emily and I went to the bathroom, and when we came back, DH was in the bathroom and my mom was at the table YELLING at MIL. WTF?????
I just told her how no one said she wasn't sick and that we know it's scary, but that is no reason to be hateful to us. (In my journal I posted about how ugly she was to me when I went to visit her on Thursday.) Then she said she had nothing to live for and no one cares about her and all this stuff. Right there in front of me and Emily. AGAIN WTF????
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So, I told her that I felt her comments were a slap in the face, given the fact that everyone at that table has stuck by her through thick and thin with her illness over the past two years. And I also told her how mad I was that she was throwing this fit when we are leaving tomorrow. I asked her if she had acted that way yesterday with Jackie and why she thinks Jackie is such a great friend. Two years ago, when my mother was in the midst of her treatment, Jackie bailed on her and they did not speak for over a year. I reminded her of this and of how I had stuck by her and dropped everything for her and how I have done everything she has needed and asked. Then she said again how she had nothing to live for, that she is dying, all she does is go to the doctor, and she has all these (medical) bills. I told her, "Who gives a sh*t about money? That's all you care about, and it's the least important thing!" She got up and walked out.
On the way out, she had to get something out of MIL's car, and as it turns out (MIL told me later) my mom went off on MIL AGAIN. She told MIL, "You better hope and pray you don't get sick or you will be all alone just like me and have no one." WHAT THE F*CK? SHE HAS NO ONE?
Then, in our car, on the way back to her house, I told her, "Mom, if you are so scared and worried about dying, STOP SMOKING!" Her response was once again that she has nothing to live for. I lost it. I told her how upsetting her being sick is to me, and how it's not all fun and games to me, and how infuriating it is to me to hear her say she has nothing to live for when she is sitting RIGHT NEXT TO a little girl (Emily) who @#$% adores her! That was the last thing I said to her. She was all happy after that and played with Emily. When we got to her house, she said she would talk to us later. I said, "Bye."
Then I called my sister and told her what happened. She said I just need to let it go in one ear and out the other. I told her it's hard to do since I am the one who is here dealing with this on a daily basis. How I find Mom's words to be SO WRONG and so offensive! Then I just told Angie that I needed a break, and would she please call mom in the morning and in the evening while I was away, that I would still call, but probably not every day and certainly not the FOUR TIMES A DAY I call now. Her response? A VERY DEFENSIVE, "Well, I call her every day, so it's NO BIG DEAL!" I asked her what that was about, why did she act like I was so wrong for getting fed up? She said, "Tammy, it's going to be a long road, you just have to get over this stuff." WHAT? Who is she to tell me this is a long road? In two years, she has been home four times! WHO DO YOU ALL THINK HAS BEEN IN THE TRENCHES ALL THIS TIME, DOING IT ALL? She has never sat in the doctor's office and listened to the doctor tell my mom she has cancer, never been the one to give Mom shots, never been the one to set her clock and wake up twice in the middle of the night to give her her pre-chemo meds, never sat at the hospital by her side all day, never cleaned her incision when she had her feeding tube, never done a DAMN thing! Who is she to tell me anything?
I told her, "You are all I have, she is your mom, too, and I need you to be on my side and not fight with me." I TRIED to tell her that it's not so easy to "remove yourself" when you are here every day doing what needs to be done, but she yelled over me, and I just hung up.
I emailed her the numbers of Mom's friends and neighbors when I got home and I also said this:
My point on the phone is this: I was looking for a little empathy. I am here for mom, every day. This permeates every aspect of my life. It's insulting to hear her say she has no one, blah blah blah, when that is not the case. I realize what you are saying about letting it go in one ear and out the other. But it's easier said than done. And could you do that so easily if you were me, here, doing this every day? Honestly, think about it. I called you today to talk about this because you are all I have. She's your mom, too, and no one else can relate. That's it
Her response? Thanks for the numbers. I'll do the calling. Have a nice vacation.