BabyUniversity.com › Forums › Unique Parenting › Divorce/Separation › Haley asked me the other day...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Haley asked me the other day...

post #1 of 14
6/14/06 at 9:14am
Thread Starter 
If I didn't love Shane anymore or if Shane didn't love me anymore like when her daddy left.
How do you answer questions like that. I told her that it didn't really have anything to do with anyone not loving anyone but that just led to more questions. Dealing with a separation is hard enough on it's own but when there are kids that need answers it is even harder. One thing I have definitely decided is that I will never make it into the absent parent's fault and I will never speak negatively about him either. Man, that's gonna be hard.
Reply
post #2 of 14
6/14/06 at 9:26am
I am surprised I stil lhave a tounge left. Many many times I have had to bite mine. Or watch my facial expressions. It is the hardest thing to do. But they will thank us n the end. My father was a total jerk. He was never around, my mother had to take him to court once a year to get the back child support because he never paid willingly. I never knew why they split up till I was in my late teens. I had already formed my opinion about him, considering he could never remember my bday, was never there when I needed him or missed him ect. When I found out all the details of why they divorced and why he was the way he was it didnt surprise me at all. Had I know it when I was younger it would have made me hate him even more. That wuld have left no chance of ever having a relationship with him. We were able to patch things up before he passed away. It also taught me the importance now of not bad mouthing Ed. They will figure him out. Sam pretty much already has. But if I add to it that would make it harder for her to have any kind of relationship with him at all.

Sorry to highjack your thread You are doing the right thing and it is the hardest thing to do in this world but seperation ultimatly has nothing to do with the kids. In you rsituation with Shane it is even harder because like you said there are so many unanswered questions for you still
Reply
post #3 of 14
6/14/06 at 9:29am
Reply
post #4 of 14
6/14/06 at 9:35am
Reply
post #5 of 14
6/14/06 at 12:02pm
Reply
post #6 of 14
6/14/06 at 12:08pm
You are doing the right thing about not speaking negative in front of the kids. Thats the most imporant thing. I always tell Ryan that you can be upset and mad at someone and still love them - but when it comes to a family (father figure) I dont know what I would say... Maybe we still love each other but need time apart because we were arguing a little and not getting along - but we still love you etc
Reply
post #7 of 14
6/14/06 at 12:24pm
Thread Starter 
Well I kind of told her that we still care about each other very much and it doesn't have to do with any of them but that we realized living together just wasn't working out.
Reply
post #8 of 14
6/14/06 at 12:57pm
Well you know I have a very strong opinion on all of this thanks to Mike's ex. But his daughter is old enough now that she's beginning to realize that her mother has spent the last 12 years filling her head full of BS and that her father wasn't the one that created this situation.

I don't care what the couple thinks of each other ... the kids are what matter. They should always come first and any bad mouthing is going to come back and bite that parent (or those parents if that is the case) in the ass.

I applaud those of you that go out of your way to keep your feelings and opinions to yourself because in the end, your children will respect you more. You're right, they will form their own opinions in the end. If the dad is a deadbeat, they'll know it. But YOU will still have their respect.
Reply
post #9 of 14
6/14/06 at 1:35pm
Yeah, Haley asked me a TON of questions the last time Rob and I separated. He moved to Canada too so she never got to see him and barely got to talk to him. She struggled with it and cried so much. One time we were listening to the radio on the way to her daycare and this song came on with the line, "Look at the girl with the broken smile..." and she said, "Mommy, my smile is broken because I miss my Daddy" and she started crying. OMG, I had to pull the car over I was crying so hard. It just ripped my heart to shreds. I tried being as open with her as I could without bad mouthing Rob. It was hard, but they understand more than we think they do.
Reply
post #10 of 14
6/14/06 at 1:37pm
Thread Starter 
I only hope that Shane (and the ex especially) aren't talking crap about me or my children to their son.
Reply
post #11 of 14
6/14/06 at 3:07pm
Elaine, as hard as it is, you are doing the right thing. My father use to bad mouth my mom all the time, telling me she didn't take care of me, and cashed child support checks at the vet, etc. I was young and didn't know any better. I would be in tears and when I went back home, I would have attitude with my mom. My mom didn't do that. If anything ever happened to John and I, I would NEVER badmouth him to my kids, that is their father no matter what. John had the same experience when his parents split, his mother leaned on him, complained to him, and badmouthed his dad constantly. We know how it feels and love our kids to much to put them in the middle.
Reply
post #12 of 14
6/14/06 at 3:39pm
Thread Starter 
I was in the same situation as a child. In fact my mom still bad mouths my father and tries to get me to join in and trash talk the kids' fathers. Not only do I not dislike either one of them, I just don't see what good it does.
Reply
post #13 of 14
6/27/06 at 7:59pm
Elaine I can not see anyone talking bad about you but if they do talk about you and your children, the saying goes what comes around goes around so they will get it too.
Reply
post #14 of 14
7/3/06 at 4:03pm
I feel for you, I know it's hard to answer questions about the other parent. My son just turned three in May and he's started asking me questions about his dad now, the most recent one was why doesn't his dad come to see him or play with him. Thankfully, he got distracted by another child wanting to play with him that I didn't have to answer because I don't know what I would've said. It's hard and they don't understand things yet because of their age, I still don't know what I'm going to tell my little boy the next time he asks another question about his dad.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Divorce/Separation
BabyUniversity.com › Forums › Unique Parenting › Divorce/Separation › Haley asked me the other day...