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Cry it Out or You Can't Spoil an Infant?

post #1 of 19
6/15/06 at 9:06pm
Thread Starter 
What are your views on this? Should you do you believe an infant (under 1 year) can be spoiled and you should let them cry or do you believe that comfort and holding is the best medicine?
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post #2 of 19
6/15/06 at 9:07pm
Thread Starter 
I personally can't let my child cry it out and I don't think that offering comfort to a fussy baby for any reason will spoil it. In my opinion the only time you should let a baby cry without trying everything you can to calm him is if you can't handle it and then the best thing to do is walk away for a little while.
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post #3 of 19
6/15/06 at 9:12pm
I can't let my babies cry it out either.

I totally agree with you on this one.
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post #4 of 19
6/15/06 at 9:58pm
I'm not sure on the concept of cry it out. I used to let logan fuss and cry for a maximum of ten minutes... never happened long, or often, but i think you are talking about crying it out until they calm themselves down?

if so i don't agree with it.

and you can't spoil a baby enough

can you tell which side i am on? i can't
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post #5 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:01pm
I don't think it's possible to spoil a baby.
Delaney is 21 months old and only now (depending on her cry) do I let her cry for a few minutes in her crib.
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post #6 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:04pm
I don't care what anyone says...you cannot spoil a baby! They need as much love and attention as you can give them and more.
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post #7 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:10pm
Actually it's more detremental (sp?) to let an infant, cry it out. They are currently doing studies that are finding that infants that are left to "cry it out" actually CRY MORE than those who are cuddled and their needs are met right away. The theory is that the DELAYED time in meeting their needs cause them to be more fearful/less trusting, therefore they cry more.

I have to look for the study.... If I find it I will definitely post it.

I will CUDDLE and "SPOIL" my babies.... thank you!
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post #8 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:17pm
I don't think that there is any harm in letting them cry or fuss for a minute or two, provided you know that they're safe. However, any more than that can cause them to feel insecure. My babies will always be loved and cuddled (just not caudled/cawdled (sp?).
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post #9 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:18pm
I think it depends on the exact age and type of cry. I'm sure I'll be able to tell the fussy cry from the I really need something cry. You shouldn't ever let the I really need something cry go unoticed.
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post #10 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:19pm
Kim I've heard the same thing...when they're older it's a little different to me, but come on...a 2 month old baby shouldn't be expected to soothe itself!
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post #11 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:39pm
i look forward to reading the study!!

I tried to spoil and cawdel logan as much as possible, but he was happier if i just put him down

i know, i know, no matter what he was like i would want the opposite
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post #12 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:49pm
Exactly, Becca! I'll look for that study...
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post #13 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:57pm
I can't find the one I am looking for, but I did read this one before...

http://www.parents.com/parents/story...l&catref=prt19
Can You Spoil A Baby?
Your little one needs love and attention, but not smothering. Find out how to set limits -- gently.
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post #14 of 19
6/15/06 at 10:59pm
This one was kind of interesting too. I'm so MAD I can't find the actual study I WANT!!

http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/arti...g/cfspoil.html
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post #15 of 19
6/19/06 at 8:27pm

YAY, BU Moms

I'm so relieved to see that the overwhelming majority of moms posting here do not prescribe to the "cry it out" method. I have no doubt a study has shown what most moms already know in their heart. EVERY mom I know who has tried to let thier baby cry without doing ANYTHING to try to make it better for them, suffered themselves every second, longing to respond in some way. It seems to me an urge that strong serves an evolutionary purpose in human survival. Human touch, comfort, and reassurance is as essential for our survival as food, shelter, sleep, etc.

Even if you let them "fuss" for a while, I think it's important to give reassurance that you are there, and that they are going to be ok. YAAAAAYYYY!!! for moms who follow their hearts instead of cutting off and disconnecting themselves.
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post #16 of 19
6/20/06 at 8:36am
I don't believe that babies (of any age) even children and toddler are spoilt if you hug them, I think if your baby is crying there is a reason and you should comfort them. The only time I don't pick Hayley up is if she is meant to be going to sleep, I wait about 5 minutes or so to see if she settles herself if she doesn't then I go and give her a quick cuddle, put her dummy in her mouth turn on her music and walk out.

If Hayley was just having a bit of a whinge because she was frustrated or something I would say to her "you're ok" and distract her, but I think that babies (especially very young ones) need their parents closeness (well I think ALL humans need to be hugged once in a while),
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post #17 of 19
6/20/06 at 9:38am
I'm going to add a little humor to this post. When I read this I thought of Meet the Fockers. Jack uses the Ferberizing (spelling?) method...but the Fockers "fockerized" their son.

So it looks like the majority of you (and if I was a mother I would do this too) are "fockerizing" their babies. I can't stand to hear a baby cry when you know it really needs something. Now, when I've babysat in the past and put the baby down to sleep and it would fuss a little but I knew it was fighting sleep. If he/she didn't stop crying I would pick the baby up and try to rock him/her to sleep.
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post #18 of 19
6/20/06 at 10:22am
I don't believe you can spoil a baby either. I will let the twins fuss for about 5 mins and if they haven't settled go in and rock them to sleep. I have done the same with all 3. But I can't let them just cry-I go in right away and don't leave until they are settled.
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post #19 of 19
6/20/06 at 10:31am
I tried it with Brandon when he would wake up every hour and need to be rocked back to sleep. It never got easier, evryday the crying got longer. It broke my heart and I finally stopped. One day he got sick, and slept hard and then he slept on his own. I didn't even try with Justin, but would rock him. He would stay asleep though. And thankfully with Ryan, it was never a question. He lays down awake and falls asleep on his own. It is a blessing.

I don't think you can spoil them. With Brandon, I felt so pressured to do everything the "right" way, I read all the books and thought they had to know better than me a first time mom did. But it was a horrible experience.
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