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Am I the only one?

post #1 of 28
8/13/06 at 11:25pm
Thread Starter 
I worry so much about protecting Emily. When we are out shopping, I insist that she is either in the shopping cart, in her stroller, or holding someone's hand at all times. The holding someone's hand option isn't always available in my book--meaning if we are at a crowded store or at the mall, etc.
The thought of her being hurt or molested terrifies me. I know those are both remote possibilities, but it happens every day to countless kids.
Today in our local paper, there was a big article about child pornography and child predators. There's so much to warn our kids about and so much to teach them, but how do we do that without making them scared of everyone and everything? I know there's a balance, I just hope I can find it.
I realize I might sound crazy or paranoid, but I can't help seeing the danger(s) in the world, and I want so much to keep Emily innocent and safe.
Am I the only one?
What do you all do to protect and educate your kids?
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post #2 of 28
8/13/06 at 11:28pm
We do the same with Kate. Since she is very shy and doesn't talk to anyone anyway, we haven't had the don't talk to strangers talk with her.
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post #3 of 28
8/13/06 at 11:29pm
You are definitely NOT the only one. I'm SUPER protective of my kids, especially Lauren b/c she is "Miss Congeniality" and says hello to everyone. Either DH or I or an adult (grandma/grandpa) has her hand or she is in the shopping cart or stroller. If I have to take both kids by myself I take the double stroller and they are in that unless the store has carts and the baby carrier goes up front and Lauren's in the basket using the diaper bag as her seat (which she thinks is fun!). I keep my kids close, especially at this age. When they get older and can understand more I will be honest (age appropriate) and instruct them appropriately. Right now she knows she's to stay with Mommy and Daddy or Grandma and Grandpa. No discussion.
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post #4 of 28
8/13/06 at 11:32pm
Thread Starter 
I know what you mean, Kim. Emily is very friendly and never meets a stranger. I love that she is so outgoing, but it scares the hell out of me, too.
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post #5 of 28
8/13/06 at 11:33pm
Same here, Tammy. I TOTALLY know what you mean....
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post #6 of 28
8/13/06 at 11:37pm
I'm the child of 2 police officers. I have to say that my parents always continually updated the stranger information, and I was a VERY outgoing child.

I was also the victim of an attempted abduction at 6 years old. I did excatly what my parents had taught me to, I screamed that it was a stranger and ran away to a safe person.

My parents and I roleplayed the senarios and what to do, not just what NOT to do. I definitly plan on doing the roleplaying with our son. Just remember that as long as you are continually adding to the information they probably are listening. It's so important for kids to know what to do, that sometimes all they hear is what NOT to do and freeze.
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post #7 of 28
8/13/06 at 11:46pm
Thread Starter 
Emily and I have talked about what to do if someone tries to take her. I told her to scream, yell, bite, hit, kick, poke the eyes, do whatever she had to in order to get them to let her go and to get the attention of others around her. I tried to tell her that sometimes people shop for little boys and girls, and that these people seem nice and don't always look mean. From time to time, she will ask me questions about what to do if someone tries to get her, and I try to be honest with her without making her too scared. I do think she pays attention to the things I tell her and she takes it all in. I hope so anyway.
Mel, I like the roleplaying idea. I am going to get DH in on that with me. I think that is a good idea.
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post #8 of 28
8/14/06 at 8:59am
I am protective to an extent. I'm more protective of Nathan because he's more outgoing. When we are shopping they are usually in the cart.

I get really nervous at fairs/carnivals/festivals...these are more terrifying to me b/c of the workers and just all around strange people.
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post #9 of 28
8/14/06 at 9:30am
i'm a nutcase when it comes to going out !!!!! my kids are in the stroller or the cart besides the older 2 and they have to stay by my side !!!!
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post #10 of 28
8/14/06 at 9:40am
I think that is very normal. Or at least I hope because I am the same way.

When we are at the grocery store Haley will be in the basket at all times. At the mall or the book store, etc. she always has a hold of my hand. She never even tries to leave my side so that helps. I've already talked with her about strangers and kidnapping...all sorts of things. I don't do it to scare her and she still talks to everyone we see when we are out, but I do want her to be leary of everyone because sadly, it is very necessary these days.

So I think you are doing a great job Mom, keep it up!
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post #11 of 28
8/14/06 at 12:44pm
We are the same way with the boys. I hate some of our neighbours who let their kids who are Connors age(4) go about the neighbourhood by themselves on their bikes and scooters and stuff. Some are even austins age (6) and that is still way to young to be on the roads by themselves.
In malls and stuff they are right next to me, I hate to see some kids wandering around while their parents dont give a crap where their kid is.
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post #12 of 28
8/14/06 at 2:13pm
I am more protective of Sarah then I ever ws with my older kids.
She is very social, and loves to talk to people, but she will not wanderr off, and holds my hand at all times.
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post #13 of 28
8/14/06 at 4:40pm
Thread Starter 
Jenn, I hate that too.
We were just at the mall on Saturday night, and it was packed. When we were going through Sears, there were two kids just wandering around--one looked to be about six years old and the other one was maybe three. They were not even walking together, but I am sure they were sisters or related since they were both Asian. A few minutes later, I saw an Asian couple with a few more kids looking around for the two girls.
When we lived in our first house, I was mortified at the parents who would let their very young kids (5, 6, 7 years old) roam the neighborhood unattended.
I don't even let Emily go outside on the porch alone.
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post #14 of 28
8/14/06 at 6:44pm
I have such a problem with this and keeping them together and safe. I must hold hands and go in public bathrooms with them. Even being out here in nowhere I am still nervous. THere was a man walking in the park last week when I had all the kids there and I made them all go in the same place to play. I am totally supicious of everyone and everything around.
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post #15 of 28
8/14/06 at 10:23pm
I am the same way with my three. Especially Brianna as she is a little bit more outgoing than the other two right now. But we have been teaching her about strangers and she is a little bit more shier around people she doesn't know.
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post #16 of 28
8/14/06 at 10:54pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
I am totally supicious of everyone and everything around.
Exactly how I feel, too!
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post #17 of 28
8/15/06 at 2:23pm
I do the same with my kids. There are just too many crazies out there.
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post #18 of 28
8/24/06 at 3:48pm
I am always the same. I am to the point now that my eldest 7 yrs I am planning to have her learn self defense aka RAD. I think every mom should take some form of self defense and maybe all daughters at some point.
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post #19 of 28
8/24/06 at 6:30pm
good idea Shirley!!
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post #20 of 28
8/24/06 at 7:33pm
Thread Starter 
Boys need to learn self defense, too. Unfortunately, all kids can be victims, even boys.
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post #21 of 28
8/24/06 at 8:49pm
I was just thinking of that little boy in England who was murdered by those two 10 year olds a few years ago. Boys sure can be raped and killed too.
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post #22 of 28
8/25/06 at 4:04am
You are normal, but try not to go overboard as they get older, let them explore and learn too. We did not let Alisha do much of that. I wanted to let her but there are two of us and I always gave in to Jim. I am not blaming him, just know when you stand behind your husband or wife sometimes we are not always helping our children.

On a good note, I know you will teach her well and she will do right by her learnings.
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post #23 of 28
8/25/06 at 9:27am

Stranger Danger

I am terrified of someone abducting or molesting my child. He is a very cute and overly friendly boy, he loves on everyone even strangers (he is developmental delayed but does not look it to look at him). He is 7 years old and if his dad is not with us, I make him go into the woman's restroom with me. Not sure when I will ever let him go in public restrooms without me. I think stores should have family restrooms so that we can take younger children in with us for safety issues. He usually runs around and hugs the cashier and kisses the hands or our waitresses and he does not distinquish between males/females. We are trying to teach him that #1. lots of people are uncomfortable with this type of affection showing #2. He needs to be careful of strangers (He looks at us like we are nuts- and 90% of the people start gushing over him when he does this- which just makes it worse). His teachers think it is cute and a dying trait and they tell me not to discourage it, but I do. It is sad that I have to but for my sanity I must. So no you are not the only one!

Deidra
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post #24 of 28
8/27/06 at 7:33pm
This is SOOOO me. We were JUST at the mall and we went through the same, thing - I showed him how crowded the mall was - I told him about how even though people look nice they are strangers, and if they took him in a busy place like this I wouldnt find him .... I probably shouldnt have, but I let him see a picture of the guy who took Jon Benet Ramsey - I asked him what he thought of him, he THOUGHT he looked nice. I told him what happened and that even NICE people can be bad ... etc ... I ALWAYS go over stranger danger - and I ALWAYS am super protective. I wont let anyone (even his grabdparents) take him anywhere. Scott thinks I am to extreme along with my friends ... but you just HAVE to be safe.
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post #25 of 28
8/27/06 at 9:56pm
Thread Starter 
I know, Dina. I think that DH and MIL think I go overboard, but all it takes is ONE SECOND.
A friend of mine was at Books A Million (like Barnes and Noble) the other day, and her 3 year old was playing in the kids' area at a train table. She was standing LITERALLY a foot away with her 8 year old, reading the back cover of a book when she heard, "Will Ryan's mommy please come to the front of the store?" She said her heart lept to her throat and she couldn't get up there fast enough. As it turns out, some stupid woman saw Ryan at the table, thought he was unattended and took him to the front of the store. When Patsy got up there, the lady said, "Oh, I guess I should have asked you if he was yours before I assumed he was lost." YA THINK? Patsy said she was torn between being at the lady and being utterly horrified that Ryan let this woman take him without a fight or even a peep! So, she totally sees where I am coming from. I made her tell DH this story when we saw her last night because he has to understand that it can happen practically right before your eyes, in broad daylight, and in a second. I don't think you can be too careful.
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post #26 of 28
8/27/06 at 10:03pm
It's such a fine line to learn to walk. You need your kids to be protected but don't want them to be terrified of everything either. I'm already wondering how in the world I'm going to do that without being overly nerotic.
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post #27 of 28
8/27/06 at 10:08pm
Thread Starter 
It's true. It is a fine line--one of many! Parenting is tough work and such a huge responsibility. But, also a tremendous blessing.
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post #28 of 28
8/31/06 at 11:40am

Am I The Only One?

When my 2 girls were younger, I always told them if we got separated (like in the mall or grocery store, Wal-Mart) to go straight to the check out counter because the checkers were considered "safe" and could help them find me. They are 16 and 10 now, and even though I still keep a close watch on them, because things can still happen, at this age they know not to leave with strangers or get close to a car, etc. I was more worried when they were little, because a stranger could just walk up to them and pick them up and walk out with them & they would be too young to really fight or too stunned to cry or scream & a lot of times when someone sees a crying/screaming child, others may think it's the person's child throwing a fit and not know the child is in danger. (These were things that ran through my head when they were younger.) Of course my 10-year-old is small for her age & I still worry about someone just walking by and picking her up, but at this age she knows to fight, kick, scream, pull hair, etc.

Laura
Mississippi
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