How did you decide ???

I just Knew I wanted more and Kev and I had agreed on 4. While this one is coming about 6 months before I wanted it too (not age difference I just wanted a spring baby) GOd gives it to us when we are ready.

Now while we want 4 (maybe more we are still talking) I have decided not to make that decision until I know Just how much of a kidney problem Payton has. So there may be more of a space. HOWEVER - I don't want to be having kids well into my 30s (no offence to anyone) I have always said I wanted to be done by the time I was 30. I know thats not going ot happen if I want 4 unless I get preggo almost right away with the next one.

If we have 4 we will definilty need to add to our house or move.

Well, it took us many years to get Lauren, so we weren't sure how long it would take and if we could actually have #2. It was kind of a shock (good one) when Lauren was 8 months I was preggo for Ryan, which actually works out perfect. Two kiddos, close together. I wanted to be done by 35, and I was. I had Ryan about 2 1/2 mo. before my 36th birthday.

Both of my pregnancies were difficult and that little fluid overload incident after Lauren have really put a damper on wanting any more kiddos. Also, with both of my kiddos having severe reflux, having to be scoped and on several medications I REALLY want to stop. Also, I feel I'm too old to be having any more (no offense to anyone...just for me). If we ever had a chance to adopt, I would probably jump at the chance! Love kids, but it was so hard on my body and it just hurts to know you have sick/hurting babies, I think I'm done with that.

Good luck honey. It's ALWAYS good to think things through FIRST.

Well, my situation is a little different.
We didn't know if we could have kids at all, so for a long time, we were so grateful to have one, we didn't think about more. Then, at different times, we have both talked about wanting another, me more than Kyle, though.
Sometime last year I really gave it a lot of thought, but Kyle wasn't on board. He was worried about the stability of his job, etc. And he was also concerned about the time and expense of going through fertility treatments again. So, we didn't pursue anything.
HOWEVER, at the same time, we were not using any birth control. Not a big issue for us given that out of the past six or so years, we have only used it for about six months, and nothing had happened.
Needless to say, we were not trying to have baby #2 when I got pregnant. It's not a matter of whether we wanted to have the baby or not, we didn't think it could happen and neither did my doctor.
It's like Karen said I firmly believe this baby was God's plan for our lives, and I am so thankful for him. I don't know if we had made the decision if we would have thought the time was right or thought we were ready, but God knew and He made the decision for us.
And while I am older than I ever thought I would be while pregnant (I will be 37 in December), my age doesn't seem like such a factor to me. Would I have preferred to be younger? Sure, but it was out of my hands.

And Dina, I totally understand what you mean about worrying about what you are losing with your older child by having another baby. That has been the hardest thing for me.

Well, I went through many of the thoughts you are going through. I alsways wanted more, the day Cedric was born I though "I want one more". But DH and I agreed on 2, so I let the issue rest.
It came up when I hired a babysitter who brought her 4 months old girl to work. Seing the boys, especially Jerome interacting with this little baby girl made me realize how much I still wanted another one. I wanted to see all of this with my own child.

I took my heart and talked to DH, and we agreed to try for one more. I got my IUD out, and got pg right away. As most of you know, I miscarried that one, got pg again, and miscarried again. The lat mc was in January 2006.

Since then I've been going back and forth for many reasons. We just got a house, I finally had my own room for sewing, crafts, office..... I started a new Job, childcare costs, how much time we would be able to spend with another one, trips to Germany, you name it. I thought I was ok with just the two I had, and then the anniversary of the second miscarriage's due date came. I got so sad, and moarned what I lost. This weekend is the anniversary of the first mc, and I am pretty emotional, and still sad about that.

DH and I talked, and we will try for another one, probably next months. It took me a long time to get him on my side, and for him he mainly agrees because it makes me happy. He will love another one just as much as the first two, but he doesn't long for another one. I however do.

As far as Aidan goes, and him not sleeping through the night, Jerome didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 and we figured out why he kept waking up. Cedric however slept through the night at 3 weeks old, so you never know what you get.

The possibility of you being on bedrest is a bigger concern, I think. You need to decide how much dh is able and willing to help out, and how you and the boys will handle the situation. Maybe you can start saving and be able to hire someone to help you out a few hours during the day, maybe even a high school student would do, and you can be on bedrest at home if possible.

You have many good points, but I think follow your heart, guided by your brain. If you think the situation is impossible, maybe two are enough. If you think it will be hard, decide if the joy of another baby offsets that, and if some of it being hard can be decreases by careful planning.

But selfishly, I would love a pregnancy buddy

Oh, the factor about Aidan loosing out, my boys are 19 month apart, and while it wasn't always easy when they were babies, they are the best friends now, because they are so close together. For anything Jerome might have missed out on (even though I can't really think of anything), the relationship they are able to have right now, being so close in age, makes up for all of that in my eyes.

That actually was another reason for my decision, what would it be like for a third one, being that they are so close in age and friendship, the third would never be able to join into that, being he/she will be at least 5 years younger than Cedric.

Kyle is about 16 months older than his brother, and I once asked him if he ever resented his brother being born. I asked him if he felt like he missed out on anything. Kyle said he didn't know any different, couldn't remember what it was like before his brother was born, so he had no hard feelings about it. However, they are not close and to my knowledge never have been. They were playmates as children, but have never been friends.
By comparison, my sister is 6 1/2 years older than I am. It was a little hard when I was young because she was a teenager and I was a pain in her butt. I wanted to do everything she did, be right there with her all the time. When I got to be a teenager, things improved and we got a lot closer. We have our differences now, but we are really close.

age difference doesn't make you get along with your sibling, I agree Tammy. Plus, your child never knows any other way.

We didn't. One little rampant sperm decided for us.

It's probably just as well because I get the idea that we would have talked ourselves out of another kid. I never would have had them as close together as TJ and Cody are (1 1/2 years) because I missed out on SO much of Cody's "babyness". It also really did a number on my body.

I don't know ... it's a tough decision. You've obviously thought it out and you have good, logical thoughts on the subject. I'd probably wait until at least Aiden was sleeping better if it were me though.

Exactly! Plus, I know so many people who have twins and even one couple who has triplets, and you know what they do? They take turns having one on one time with their multiples. I hope Kyle and I can do that with our kids, and I think it's a great idea when you have them close together to do that. I would think when they are farther apart, like my sister and me, it's easier to have that one on one time and doesn't have to be planned or arranged as much.

Thanks to the Gulf War, we didn't have much of a choice about having babies later . However, since we are both Gulf War vets and the chances of having a baby with birth defects was really high at one time, so waiting was a good thing. There are benefits to being an older mom. I think as an older mother, I'm not so worried about my "career" (not that i have one outside being a mother anyway with MS! ) and I got all my partying out of my system. Some people don't have a deep need to party and act the fool, but I did for various reasons. Nothing against partying, lord knows I've done my share, but there's something useful about not needing to go out in the evenings when you have kids.

So if you do decide to wait, being an older mom has it's advantages too. I can't blame you for wanting to wait until Aiden is sleeping through the night. Kate didn't really get the hang of that until she was two.

I've talked to many people who've had older mothers (Cheryl, Lisa, and others not on this site) and none of them seemed to find having a older parents a disadvantage.

We decided early on that 3 kids, about 3 or 4 years apart, was what we wanted. The cards haven't turned out that way, and after our emotional rollercoaster over the last 3 years (5 MC and an ectopic), we have decided to just let Nature take her course. If we have another (or two) then fine - but we're fine if we don't as well.

I think it's good that you are weighing all the reasons and options. Mike and I are on the other side in the fact that we may only have 1. I know there are people that think an only child is a bad thing but you have to weigh everything for YOUR family. Only you can know and I'm sure that the sleepless nights will be a distant memory soon. At least you and your hubby have talked about it and are considering when to decide. We've decided we won't make any "permanant" decisions until this baby is 5. I hope by then we'd know if we want another one, if we haven't had one yet.

We just talked about money issues, and baby sitting. I wanted Desiree to have someone. I came fro a family of 5 so having sister and brothers was or is important to me. I would have more kids in a heart beat if my labor would be more smooth. Now that I know I will probably need a c-section I'm ok with it, but scared I will have problems with the epidural like last time. I tell you its always something. But we both have decided we won't even try again or decided to try again until both Desiree and Moses are in school.

Brandon was planned, Justin was planned. We were lucky and got pregnant right away both times. Ryan was an "oops" baby, well sort of. I wanted another, DH did not, neither of us discussed birth control and it happened. They are all a little over 2 years apart. We are done. I know this because 1) we have no more bedrooms; 2) pregnancy was not a joy; 3) can't afford daycare for another.

We just knew we wanted another. Now DH still wants another (#4) and I am all set with 3.

We are talking one. Due to my health issues and Clint wants them 4 years apart. I would rather not be pregnant after the age of 35... as it is I am way older than I ever though I would be going into a fist pregnancy. We are currently not trying, but would not be upset if I were to end up preggers. the wedding is in two weeks... i think it's a good time

We just want to be able to provide for the child(ren) we end up having.

I don't want anymore kids and neither does DH. One is enough for us. I would like Isaiah to have a sibling but kids are alot of work.

I'd like to go for one more. I am more than happy living with my two boys but I can't shake the feeling that my family isn't complete. Maybe it's because we lost Molly??? I don't know. Mike had said absolutely not but last night he said if we're having another one I had better start deciding on a name NOW b/c I'm so indecisive. We'll see. Mike is still worried about the possibility of another loss and to be honest...so am I.

Abby,

Thanks Tammy but please don't feel sorry for me. I don't regret anything in my life and wouldn't change it for the world. Just remember if we do have anther one you'll have to listen to me whine for 9 months!

No, no Abby, I know you don't want our sympathy at all. I had a miscarriage before I had Emily, so to a point, I can understand your worry. So, the hug was just a way to show you support.

thanks Tammy!

My health made the decision, along with our finances. We absolutley can not afford another...Jesse was a surprise and financially things are really tight. My PIH and the fact that Jess had to be induced almost 4 weeks early made the real decision for me though.....I just will not put my baby at risk for being a "true" premie. I had PIH and was induced with both the last two. If money ever got better I would adopt in a heartbeat....and that way I am guarenteed a girl .