My father.. again. ( LONG)

OK, most of you know what I have been through with my father since late '02 early '03. You know about that letter I wrote to him with 28 years of repressed aggression and hurt. And his response.
Since then, I've tried everything I can to maintain some kind of relationship with him, and to have one between him and my kids. We go on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We can't do that this year. Since we moved, I've repeatedly asked him to come visit. He always has a reason or excuse or just.. "we'll see". Well two weeks ago, I invited him here for Thanksgiving. Told him it was just easier for him and Pat to drive here than for all of us, with me pregnant to drive 4+ hours to their place, in a car that is not reliable and does not hold all the carseats. I suggested the weekend after or before, he wrote back why not hte week of. I said that would be fine too, I just thought the weekends would be easier on them. He wrote me back saying he didn't think they were going to be able to make it. Now this was in the middle of Septemeber. I wanted to give him plenty of time. ONE week later, he says he doesn't think they can make it. So.. I wrote him back here is that email.

"We would really like for you to be here thanksgiving, but.. I will understand if you can't. I really want ya'll to come visit and it's just easier for the two of you than for all of us, not to mention our car is not that reliable, and all the car seats don't fit. We are working on getting the van fixed but that won't happen until after Christmas.
Speaking of.. I have no idea what we are going to be able to do for Christmas. We want the kids to wake up in their own home Christmas morning. And with our transportation issues, there's no way we can drive to your house and back in a day or two. Maybe if you can't be here for thanksgiving.. we can do something in the middle of the two and combine them?

I just don't know what to do and I want to share the holidays with the two of you. Don't get me wrong I knew when we moved it would be a challenge, but I am trying to work something out here.

Please try your best.
We love you.
S "

Not one word did I get back as a reply. (cont)

What i did get a little later was the typical.. Hi how is everyone. and the Forwards he sends. My aunt ( his sister) emailed me the other day and asked if we were going to see them for thanksgiving. I told her pretty much everything about the emails. This is what she sent me in reply...

I don't know. Don't every give up. I have done that in my past relationships, and always regretted that I didn't remain strong. I guess it worries him that you are pregnant again, and that he doesn't understand that you can sacrifice for having children vs a lot of "things". I think it worries him, that as the kids get older you won't have a lot and that life is such a struggle, you will end up being poor, and the benefits of an easier life won't be yours. But it is all in how you look at riches. The Bible says you are a very rich couple with a lovely little brood of children. I believe in being frugal and struggling to make things work and saving money. Sometimes it's hard to ge t out of that mode when you were raised with nothing, as Jim, Diana, and I were. BUT we didn't know it. Mother sewed and etc.

Just prove that you can make it and that you don't have to have everything. Don't have to go in debt to have a Christian home, raise your children to be very grateful and with such great joys and love for the future of their lives and what they can become. Know their talents as children and direct them so they won't have a job, they will do what they were made to do.

I think he thinks you don't discipline them enough when you all come to his place. I think he forgets that they have to "Be children" too, and yet, he thinks you are silent when they are doing something he doesn't agree with. He gets a bit frustrated.

Please don't tell him that I said that either!!! YOu might just keep that in your hat. But also think that he is older and my mother was always frustrated with my two. And they were just being kids. They are at an age of wonder., and don't think that others are out of that stage of life.

I think Jim and Pat are just wanted to be alone, and to themselves. I mentioned coming up there, but he said they had all these things going on, and it wasn't a good time. I told him, I'd help on the house on the weekend, but it didn't sound like he wanted me to. So, I just decided to wait, til he was more receptive. Maybe he 's just going through a stage.

BUT don'tgive up. Who knows, he might be a little down since his surgery and all. He can't manuever his head back, like he u sed to, and it takes more to work, and he can't turn his head to the side I think he said too far. Maybe little things get to him, more. I need to call and just chat with him sometime. He just writes short sentences, and no detail, so sometimes I wonder ifhe's depressed or just busy. That's why I say don't give up. You are all he has. You aren't in competition with Pat but just writing him little notes and making an album for him, that he/she probably won't do, would be a nice jester.

Maybe do for him, rather than asking them for anything. Just be the bigger person. That always works for me, and in the long run, it makes for a better situation. Just be the taker. I know that isn't a popular thing these days, but someone has to be the patient one.

Love you,"

And now.. I can't really confront him with the things she said. Not without betraying her confidence. So.. I don't know what to do. If he has issues with how many kids I have, or how I raise them.. he needs to come to me. And I DO NOT remain silent when they are at his house. Quite the opposite. I make Sure they do what they are supposed to and how they are supposed to do it. Not to mention we are never there for more than a couple of hours.. I.. am just at a loss here.

Yeah, he did that with the christmas presents one year, that was the year I wrote him that letter.

He's usually really honest with me about his health. Because much of what he's got, I will eventually end up with.

I don't think it's him. I think if it had been him that didn't want to come, he wouldn't have emailed me asking about the week of thanksgiving instead. I'm just really hurt right now.

I really have to thank you all. And yes Lenora, that little stunt he pulled hurt like hell. But I thought we were progressing. Guess I was wrong.

Jennifer. -- You made me cry, LOL in a good way. I know where you're coming from and you're right. Daddy has just always been the one person in this world that intimidates me.. and I don't know why. I will try to work up the courage to talk to him over the phone. Thank you.

Sis -- I could never stop speaking to you. I value your oppinion and you're right too. As far s Aunt Glenda coming to visit.. um.. Ever.. if I can help it. No..oooooo....nonononono. LOL She is great.. at a distance. Not to mention she has two son's ( my age) and her husband and they are in Texas. She's got this.. holier than thou attitude most of the time that i just can't deal with.

thank you all, This is why I love Baby U.

and I would LOVE to see Germany for the Holidays.