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Why do we pay her??

post #1 of 12
10/6/06 at 12:03pm
Thread Starter 
Ok sorry more of a rant on the EX!

I'll tell you why we pay her!!! So she can buy herself a brand new car, a brand spankin' new Harley, the leather Harley jacket and gear to go with it, pay off her house, and remodel it all within a 2 month time period!!!
The kids got one new outfit each for the start of school... Because their mom told them she was too poor to get them more! She sent such bad crap for clothing when they visited this summer. So bad that we didn't want to take them in public and ended up buying both of them a few new clothes just so we could go out to eat or whatever!!! Sent them home with them, but their not allowed to wear them!!

Found out the kids are being left alone after school instead of going to the "Y", which DH pays extra child support for!!!!! Grrrrr..... But of course she denies it!!

Here I don't have money to buy my kids winter clothes and she's buying new cars and Harleys!!!! I hate her so much!! If I won the lottery I can only imagine what I'd spend it on!!!!
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post #2 of 12
10/6/06 at 12:11pm
Oh I can definitely relate! Except I can say that DH's ex DOES spend tons on their daughter ... but a lot of it is just ridiculous. She pays more for clothes for 1 kid a month than I do all 3 of mine for an entire season!

She never denies her anything, then when she runs out of money, she comes back to DH and tells him he's the worst father in the world and that she needs more money.

I could go on and on, but I choose to just block that money grubbing you-know-what out of my mind!
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post #3 of 12
10/6/06 at 12:13pm
i agree with u, my friend is going through that where they are at the end of their string with their bills but paying the momma to go on vacations and getting her nails done. it sucks!!
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post #4 of 12
10/11/06 at 4:30pm
If they're supposed to be at the Y after school, you (or your DH) can call and get attendance records for them, without ever involving the ex. And if it turns out they're not enrolled or something, go back to court and reduce her payment!

Better yet (I had a friend who did this one) - have the Y bill you directly for days attended. That way, you can write off the expense on your income taxes, if you claim the kids as dependents.
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post #5 of 12
10/11/06 at 5:13pm
Oh yeah, I'm right there with ya! Rob's ex (with whom he has twins) collects so much in child support. I'm all for that and I think it's the right thing to do except the kids keep getting taken away from her by CPS because of neglect! She's sending them to school in dirty clothes that don't fit and she leaves them home alone all the time. They are constantly in and out of the hospital from being malnourished. Neighbors have called on her and teachers have called on her. We get sent a copy of every report filed on her and I have a folder full. If she's not feeding or clothing them properly, where is the money going?!
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post #6 of 12
10/11/06 at 6:35pm
Thread Starter 
Ok here's the thing... They won't give DH the records of attendence... They say he's not the one who pays the bill so he's not privileged to know that information. He said that he was on the emergency contact and the person to pick up lists as their father so he should be privileged... They told him he's not on either of those list!!! What a stupid no good mom is she??
As far as the Y billing him directly... She won't let him do that because of the tax break thing. She claims both kids due to some agreement they came to a few years back. So that one won't work!!
I'm really at a loss here... The only thing he's thinking he can do now is go and spy on them and watch them get off the bus.... That wouldn't be an issue except we now live 5 hours from them!!! And he would have to do that consistently to prove anything!!
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post #7 of 12
10/11/06 at 7:16pm
I'd think he could just have the courts petition those records for the reasons named above. Also, it needs to be mandatory to have him added to the emergency contact list and pick up lists. If he doen't pursue this now, he's going to end up like my DH who really doesn't even know his daughter and has absolutely no say in her life. It's really quite sad, but that's what her mom wanted, and that's what she ended up getting (hard to fight it 3000 miles away, ya know??)
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post #8 of 12
10/11/06 at 8:53pm
Thread Starter 
ok not to sound like we're coming up with all kinds of excuses, but........
To have the courts petition for the records would cost money. Money we do NOT have. Thats why he was trying to get them himself.... So he just had enough proof to go to mediation instead of through the courts!!
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post #9 of 12
10/17/06 at 11:32pm
I hear you on the money thing. Have you checked around to see if there's an advocate or something who will help you out for free?

What my friend did was merely threaten to take over paying for the daycare, and reducing the support payment by that amount. That scared the ex into not asking for money every 2 weeks.

Definitely get him onto the emergency contact list, and whatever other lists he needs to be on. That's just nuts! In the agreement, does it indicate that he has joint custody of the kids and that she has physical custody? If so, then the Y should be able to take that and allow him access to the records. I believe that's how it works for school records, anyhow.

And you know, him NOT being on those lists could be construed as her not wanting his help, or for him to have contact with the kids... just food for thought.
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post #10 of 12
10/18/06 at 9:18am
Thread Starter 
Thanks for that "food for thought" part. I wouldn't have thought of it that way! About the emergency contact stuff.... That's the kind of small stupid info we need to have on her... Other wise she can sure try to look like the "perfect" mother and that everything is DH's fault and choice!!
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post #11 of 12
10/18/06 at 9:31am
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbl13s
Other wise she can sure try to look like the "perfect" mother and that everything is DH's fault and choice!!
EXACTLY! Been there, done that. At some point, we just finally gave up the fight ... and I wish we could undo that. It caused a lot of turmoil in our lives for many years, but we should have kept fighting. If I knew then what I knew now ....
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post #12 of 12
10/18/06 at 3:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbl13s
That's the kind of small stupid info we need to have on her... Other wise she can sure try to look like the "perfect" mother and that everything is DH's fault and choice!!
If you get enough of the "small stuff", some lawyer will go nuts over your case and do it just to set things right for the kids. Definitely look into that.
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