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Why does this irritate me so bad???

post #1 of 28
11/27/06 at 10:11am
Thread Starter 
Probably only because of some recent "issues", but this really irritated me (and my MIL as well). Due to the expense of shipping gifts, we usually just send SD a gift card so she can buy what she wants (and we give her the extra $$ we would have spent on shipping).

My MIL does the same thing and we have both been getting her Target cards for years because she can use it on clothes, electronics, DVDs ... pretty much whatever a 15 yr-old could want, right???

So ... DH gets this text from the ex the other day "She has outgrown Target and is requesting **some mall gift card** or cash." MIL was just as irritated when we told her, seeing as how the mall is in Phoenix and well ...we're not.

I don't know .. probably just me still being irritated ever since the whole "If you don't come to my graduation (in 3 years mind you) BY YOURSELF, then I'm through with you". Seems like a pretty bold statement coming from a 15 yr old that in the next breath, wanted to know how much of her college daddy was going to pay.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm probably being just as childish as she is, but it rubbed me the wrong way.
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post #2 of 28
11/27/06 at 11:17am
Would rub me the wrong way as well!! One - they are basically TELLING you what gift to buy. Two - you can't 'outgrow' Target. Get real. There's things there for everyone. If nothing else - go online! Three - is it the daughter 'requesting' the mall, or the mom?

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post #3 of 28
11/27/06 at 11:23am
Thread Starter 
I guess what really bothered me is that this came out of the blue after all those other incidents about not wanting to be part of *this* family. We had not even had a chance to ask if there was anything specific ... she just found the need to inform us. And it was definitely the SD .. she announced that she can only wear name brand clothes that come from the mall now.
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post #4 of 28
11/27/06 at 11:31am
Please.

Here's an idea ... find out what brands and her size. Get an outfit or two from the trift store and mail them the cheapest way possible.
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post #5 of 28
11/27/06 at 11:35am
Thread Starter 
Here's what a witch I am. I actually considered donating to the Humane Society in her name as part of her present. She's such a materialistic child ... but she comes by it honestly seeing as how her mom is the exact same way.

She rarely speaks to us, doesn't usually acknowledge the kids' on their birthdays, and refuses to come out and visit us, but wants her daddy to pay her way through vet school. Oh yeah ... let me get right on that!
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post #6 of 28
11/27/06 at 12:11pm
Oh Dawn! I WOULD donate the majority of the money you would normally spend on her to the Humane Society in her name.
I don't even know what to say. What a terrible situation!
Theorectically, you probably could go online to the mall's website and get a gift card, but with the rudeness surrounding all this, why would you want to go to all that trouble?
I am just enough of a to do the donation, and then send her the remainder in the form of a TARGET GIFT CARD!
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post #7 of 28
11/27/06 at 12:12pm
Oooh, or even better. Send her a card with a note saying that this year's gift is ________ (however much money y'all normally spend), which is being placed in a 529 (college savings account) to help pay for her vet school. If she whines and cries, tell her vet school is expensive, and y'all aren't made of money and there's no time like the present to start saving in order to help her pay for it.
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post #8 of 28
11/27/06 at 12:17pm
Thread Starter 
I guess it bothers me so much because that's different from how we handle things around here. If we had asked (which eventually, we would have) that would be different. But I feel weird even telling somebody that has asked me what exactly I want. I figure that a) they should buy whatever they want since it is their money and b) I should be happy no matter what I get because that's how I was raised.

There have been times that somebody has bought one of our kids say ... a WM gift card, but the toy they really wanted to buy was at Target. I just use the WM card for groceries, then give them cash so they can go to Target.

This leads me to blame her mother even more who should say "OK, if they ask, I'll tell them that is your request, but if they don't, then you should just thank them for what they send you and we'll work something out between us if you can't find anything you want at Target".

Oh well ... I shouldn't be so surprised. Again, thanks for letting me vent. I just hate to see people so friggin materialistic ....
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post #9 of 28
11/27/06 at 12:20pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tailwaggers
Oooh, or even better. Send her a card with a note saying that this year's gift is ________ (however much money y'all normally spend), which is being placed in a 529 (college savings account) to help pay for her vet school. If she whines and cries, tell her vet school is expensive, and y'all aren't made of money and there's no time like the present to start saving in order to help her pay for it.
Oh I LOVE that one! That's a whole different story ... Mike has said for many, many years that he'll do the same thing for ALL the kids. He'll help pay their way through community college, but anything more than that, and they can either go in the military and earn their college tuition, or go the route of student loans/grants/scholarships. His parents didn't pay his way through school and mine didn't pay for mine. As a matter of fact, HE paid his ex's way through college (which she never repaid him for), so I don't know why she'd be expecting any more than that.
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post #10 of 28
11/27/06 at 12:27pm
Dawn, I was thinking the same thing, that the mom should teach her daughter better. She ought to tell her daugther to be grateful for whatever she receives and to let you all know how grateful she is, even if it isn't what she had in mind. Shoot, doesn't she realize that there are kids out there who will get nothing for Christmas? Another thread altogether I suppose, but it's true. And the truth is, people like us really have all we need, and giving and receiving gifts is a luxury and a blessing that we should not take for granted. And yet, here she is demanding this or that as if she actually has the right to do that. The nerve! Wow--don't get me started. Who knew I could get so fired up about this and I am not even involved?
Yeah, our parents didn't pay for us, either. We paid for a couple of quarters for me, and then I got an academic scholarship and the HOPE scholarship. DH went through tech school 100% on HOPE. Personally, I think it is more meaningful if you have to work it out rather than just having someone pay your way.
That ex sounds like a real piece of work. I am SO thankful Kyle and his ex had no kids together. I don't think I would have the patience for dealing with all of that.
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post #11 of 28
11/27/06 at 1:03pm
Oh puh-lease.... That is the most selfish thing I've heard in a long time. I'm sure living with a mother like that doesn't help, either.

I'd do just that... Donate to the Humane Society. I mean, if she wants to go to vet school, she should be interested in the well-being of all those poor little animals.

This sounds just like my dad's ex-wife and my half-sister. The last time I sent her something, it got returned. The same with my grandma. Unless you send cash or a check. Those mysteriously never come back. But she never acknowledged receiving anything, either.

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post #12 of 28
11/27/06 at 1:22pm
Send her a $10 gift certificate from Big Lots or the Dollar General and donate the rest to the Humane Society. I am just evil. I know. She may want to wear only mall name brands, but in that case she needs to get her little hinney on the babysitting trail, because it doesn't sound like her mommy and daddy make $100+ mall outfits wages. I don't blame you for being upset. I'd be upset too.

Actually, she could get a full ride scholarship for volunteering at the VA. However, I am sure veterans are not her kind of people.
After all, if they are at the VA, they definitely don't dress from the mall.
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post #13 of 28
11/27/06 at 3:01pm
Quote:
Send her a $10 gift certificate from Big Lots or the Dollar General and donate the rest to the Humane Society. I am sure veterans are not her kind of people.
After all, if they are at the VA, they definitely don't dress from the mall.
Lenora, you are so funny! I LOVE IT!
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post #14 of 28
11/27/06 at 4:07pm
Wow, how rude! I'd send her this...

The nerve!

I like the idea of donating money, or putting it in a college account.
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post #15 of 28
11/27/06 at 6:45pm
That would definetly irritate me!
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post #16 of 28
11/27/06 at 6:45pm
Putting money in a 529 account for her would be great. Or, buy her a 30-year Savings Bond.

Oh, and send either the statement for the account, or the bond certificate, in a beautiful, $3 Christmas card.
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post #17 of 28
11/27/06 at 9:25pm
A 529 or a bond is a good idea. What kid can't find books, CD's, or something for their ipod at Target. I'd be seriously annoyed too.

As for step kids....anyone know I have THREE??? Nope, probably not b/c the only time we hear from then is right before their birthdays or Christmas. They don't bother with our kids at all. Are always invited to parties and holidays and NEVER once ever brought our kids as much as a card. Mike does see them regularly when they are in town but they never go out of their way for him. He's a good dad regardless b/c he'll bend over backwards to accomodate them. Darn, I sound bitter.
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post #18 of 28
11/27/06 at 9:43pm
i agree that you should donate most of what you were going to give her to the humane society! specially if she loves animals that much to want to be a vet!
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post #19 of 28
11/27/06 at 9:44pm
Thread Starter 
I did not realize you had stepkids, but your story sure sounds familiar. And no, you don't sound bitter. You sound exactly the way I feel. Boy I bet we could really tell some horror stories, couldn't we???
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post #20 of 28
11/28/06 at 8:55am
Quote:
Why does this irritate me so bad???
Because it is exceptionally irritating!!!!

I think the Humane Society gift would be extrememly appropriate but would leave Mike wide open for hugh grief.

The College saving fund on the other hand is perfect and can be used for every single gift she is due to get from now until her college graduation, if she says anyhing, or heck even if she doesnt', send her xmas card stating that after her recent comments about being concerned about how she is going to pay for her education and how she no longer wishes to receive Target vouchers you have realised that she is a young woman now and is sensibly thinking about her future, so you have decided to do as she asked and stop sending vouchers that she has grown out of and start her a college fund she can grow into.

This has two purposes:

1: She is left with no come back, she did say those things

2) She did day those things so she will beat herself up over the fact she talked herself out of her 'rightful' present
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post #21 of 28
11/28/06 at 9:17am
Yeah, I love the college fund idea. Maree hit the nail on the head, too, with her arguments. Dawn, you have got to do the college thing, it would be so smart, right and annoying to her...
Ok, I have no step children, but I am all up for annoying someone if they are rude....
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post #22 of 28
11/28/06 at 9:51am
As usual, Maree is full of wisdom! I think what she said is brilliant!
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post #23 of 28
11/28/06 at 12:35pm
I would see this as a typical teenager girl no longer wanting to buy stuff from Target thinking it is "uncool. I don't know that I would have been offended. Remember back to how things are in school and how cruel kids can be when you aren't wearing the "in" brands.

Although I don't know anything about your relationship, so that could change my thoughts.
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post #24 of 28
11/28/06 at 3:44pm
Thread Starter 
You're probably right Jennifer -- I guess I just see it as rude since she doesn't treat us like her "family" and I'd sure be uncomfortable at any age telling somebody that is not "family" what I would or would not like. It's just fuel to the fire, but I've always been the better person, and I will continue to be.

However, I do appreciate all the advice and support and especially loved your answer Maree. I do believe that I'll have to talk with Mike about the college fund. Seems like a perfect gift!
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post #25 of 28
11/28/06 at 5:09pm
I'm with Maree Dawn... Do the college fund thing! And get your MIL to put the money there too! She can't really complain about that, and if she really wants to be a vet, it would be a start.
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post #26 of 28
11/29/06 at 2:01pm
sounds like she is getting words put into her mouth for her........I mean ok I dont' know what Target is like...BUT is there any other store chain where you all are, that she would be close to (like The Gap or anythng like that?)
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post #27 of 28
11/29/06 at 2:55pm
As a step child.. I have to throw my two cents in. Had I EVER told my father ( my real father) that if he didn't show up alone ( after he got married) that it would be the last I had to do with him....guess what? It would have been the last he had to do with me. And I would have deserved it. There are ways to be diplomatic about things and ways to just be a plain old teenage She is LUCKY to have you and her brothers and sisters whether she knows it or not. I hate my stepsister simply because she hurt my dad.
You are so much nicer than me and my family. She wouldn't get anything other than the exact same gift again this yr. And she'd bee darn lucky to even get that. I remember what its like to be a teenager, and no, Target doesn't always cut it with "cool" clothes. But there are electronics, bedroom decor, music, school supplies, etc there. Heck, I would LOVE a target GC this year
LOL
I agree with donating to the Humane society or ASPCA. I like that idea, but then again.. the College fund sounds perfect. And.. it means you don't have to buy any more gift for this ungrateful little just put anything you would have spent on her in the fund..
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post #28 of 28
12/5/06 at 11:10am
I completely agree with what Maree said!!!!

I have a feeling I'll be dealing with all of this in a couple years, if not next year!!

And I will completely keep this idea in mind!
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