It's hard to believe

Last night was 7 days since Bailey passed on. It is hard for me to fathom that my dog, part of our lives for almost 9 years, is now in that small tin on my mantle. It is a very pretty tin, with flowers all over. His ashes are in a sealed bag, so DH tells me. I don't want to look in there. I just don't want to think of him, my 100 lb dog, in that small container. I still have little thoughts of, oop, gotta let Bailey out... no I don't. Bailey is gone. Oop forgot to feed the dog... etc. DH's neice wanted us to send her some of his ashes but the bag is sealed and DH won't open it. She is taking it hard, she keeps saying the doctor is a murderer. I told her if she was mad at any one, it should be us, we made the decision. It was the RIGHT decision, Bailey hurt and just tired, it was just there in his eyes. It was selfish of all of us to take so long to make the decision. He didn't have to get so bad, he didn't have to go looking so bad. The last six months the chewing and scratching was crazy, he had lost hair in so many places, his ears, his belly, his sides, scabs and sores all over. It was bad. John just couldn't do it. I know it sounds mean, but John loved that dog and selfishly just wanted him to be here with him. There is a FATE story that John experienced that I will share later on. Haven't heard anything, so kind of disappointed. Don't really want to talk about it.

I guess my memorial to Bailey is gone after the server change. Maybe in a few weeks, I'll post it again. I printed the Rainbow Bridge poem for John and the vet sent us a card with the same poem. It was nice. We sent it to the family and all cried over it. Amazing how much you hurt when you lose a pet. I know you always say they are like family, but you just don't expect to feel the loss as intensely as if it was a person.