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Need some help from all you experienced parents

post #1 of 10
2/26/07 at 4:36pm
Thread Starter 
Alyssa is doing GREAT in school. Other than her ability to follow rules (she's a chatterbox and slow to follow directions) she's where she needs to be academically.

My problem is now she is getting into things that she doesn't know. New sight words harder math etc. Same thing in Dance - we had to swith classes cause our other class got dropped so while it's the same age group as the other one was - its much more advanced.

She is having meltdowns. She starts crying - bawling her eyes out when it's something she doesn't understand or know or can't figure out. In Dance she melts down when the teacher asks her to try a move or position again so that she can help her get it right (Her teacher is awesome so I know she's not mean about it)

I need some help in how to handle them. All three of us (me and her teachers) have taken the approach that we can't/won't help her until she stops crying.

How do I explain it to her that it's ok to not know everything or that we all need help with things? She's smart and catches on real quick - but these meltdowns leave me at a loss. She has NEVER been like this and she's not really like this at home.

I need help cause I don't know what to do and its a distraction to her class when she has these meltdowns. She *graduates* to a more advanced dance class next year (her teacher suggests classes and moved her up) and I am just afraid that she won't be able to handle it.

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post #2 of 10
2/26/07 at 6:50pm
Karen, I'd be willing to bet that she is reacting to the stress at home. I'm NOT saying that to make you feel bad! Kids have a way of picking up on stuff we think is waaay beyond them----all the crap with the stores, Peyton's health scares, etc.
Another thought - what time is her class? is it after school/evening?I
Is Lys a child who likes to play by herself? if so, she may just need some time to "recharge" with having to interact with others.

more thoughts when I can get this damn phone to stop !!!
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post #3 of 10
2/26/07 at 6:57pm
Thread Starter 
My thought was that something at home may be influening it but she won't talk when I ask her what's wrong - she just says she doesn't know or she misses the cats (who are at home as content as can be)

She is in school from 7:30-11:35 and has dance on Wednesdays from 12-1 she was fine the first 2 months or so when we switches classes as long as I brought lunch for her to eat in the car. I was worried about her energy level after school and going straight to dance. Not something that will happen next year.

She will play by herself or with others if there are others there.

I am just so confused cause she is always so excited about dance her Kindy teacher even said she talks about it all the time. But then about 15 minutes after we get there she has her first meltdown. Last time I have no idea what it was. They were working on a dance and she was doing great and then all of a sudden the tears flew - even her teacher had no idea why she started crying. After like 2 minutes she was fine and dancing again.

Friday at school her teacher accidentally started singing the song the preschoolers sing before going home - rather than the one they normally do and Alyssa started crying.
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post #4 of 10
2/26/07 at 8:18pm
I would say that she is reacting to home life as well. I'd try to point out everytime you don't know something and how to try to figure it out .. let's say you are sewing and youpull out the directions .. show them to her and talk about how you are going to read them and figure it out .. then show her when you are finished. She'll probably be bored with the conversation .. but it may reassure her that we are all learning and figuring stuff out all the time .. adults too.

Kirstie-Raie danced for 14 years and never had a meltdown once .. I'm not saying all this to make you feel bad, but she had a friend that loved dance and had meltdown after meltdown .. never did well in recital .. her dad pulled her and put her back in the next year .. she did much better .. was just not ready yet. So I don't know what to tel you about dance .. maybe it'll work itself out.
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post #5 of 10
2/26/07 at 8:53pm
In my opinion I think it's a combo of things, stuff going on at home, her school work getting hard and her dance class getting harder. Give her a little time and keep up with the approach that you cant help her till she calms down. She has always done well with dance and recitals right?? It may just be a case of everything at one that she is adjusting too.
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post #6 of 10
2/26/07 at 9:17pm
Thread Starter 
She does awesome at recitals. (well compared to others in her class)

I think she's having a hard time not being the "baby" anymore. Even MIL doesn't baby her as much. Alot of people "neglet" her now with Peyton here. (I'm guilty too) We all expect her to be able to do things for herself.

I'll start by paying more attention to her at home and make sure that maybe we get some 1 on 1 time both with me & dad.
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post #7 of 10
2/26/07 at 11:25pm
My dd was like that before we got her the Leapster. Now, she says "try Again" just like the Leapster when she doesn't get things right the first time. I, also, get really frustrated doing new things. So it's not just kids.

Have you talked her about how you feel when you do new things and you don't get them right the first time? Maybe it will help if she knows she's not alone in her frustrations. Everyone feels that way from time to time.
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post #8 of 10
2/26/07 at 11:32pm
Thread Starter 
She's always been stubborn about wanting help with things - and come to think of it - when she was like 2 is when I stopped helping her with things - Dad said I babied her too much and I needed to let her "learn on her own"
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post #9 of 10
2/26/07 at 11:39pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace

Have you talked her about how you feel when you do new things and you don't get them right the first time? Maybe it will help if she knows she's not alone in her frustrations. Everyone feels that way from time to time.
Um Kev and I don't handle things not working well - very well. Kev looses his temper and swears and throws things. and I tend to loose it too -

hmm. Thanks guys. I think we need to do some inner focus with Kev and I inorder to help her. I never really sat and thought about how I handle things.

Now I feel bad.
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post #10 of 10
2/26/07 at 11:45pm
I loose it sometimes when I don't get things too which is why I mentioned it. Sometimes I cry and "meltdown" too. Especially when I have been trying to do something a long time and I just don't get it.
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