New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Bonding

post #1 of 8
3/10/07 at 11:16pm
Thread Starter 
So, last night my SD and I shared a moment. See, it was almost bedtime and she started to get upset. She said she missed her mommy. After we talked to her, b/c sometimes she gets upset when they are getting ready for bed b/c it is earlier here than her moms, we realized she really just missed her mommy. I held her a minute then took her to the bedroom to talk where she told me how much she missed her mommy. And that she had been at her nannies a lot this week while her mommy worked (which her mommy said she didn't know why she said that) and she cried in my arms for a few minutes. It just felt like we shared a real moment. It was nice. She was still upset but she talked to her mommy. Who didn't come get her even though SD wanted her to (but I won't get into that...I would've ran to my children..but anyways) and we played a card game with her and DD and then they went to bed. It was just a really nice moment. And I actually felt connected. If she didn't like me, would she of let me comfort her..I don't think so and that made me feel great.
Reply
post #2 of 8
3/10/07 at 11:46pm
That's wonderful. I'm glad that you are bonding well with her. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of being her step-mom.

Maybe her mom didn't come get her to show that she trusts you to calm her down and that it's okay to stay by you? Or does she just not want to get her?
Reply
post #3 of 8
3/11/07 at 6:45am
I'm glad that you got that moment. As for the Mom, I don't know her but I have friends who are in similar situations. They won't go pick up their kids from the Dad's unless it is a real emergency. Mainly because they want the child to be just as comfortable with Dad (and two of the three have stepmom's) and SM as they are at home. Going to get them every time they cry to come home defeats that. Yes, it does sound like she likes you
Reply
post #4 of 8
3/11/07 at 4:34pm
Thread Starter 
Yeah you are right. We don't think she should come get her everytime. And she does need to get used to being here and not think she can leave anytime she wants. Her nannie is always telling her to call no matter what time it is if she wants to come home and I think that might be why she gets upset at bedtime. She knows her nannie will come get her. And with her mom, we just worry about the actual amount of time she spends with her daughter. It's a long story. And sometimes my initial thoughts may be a little wrong where her mom is concerned. But David and I talked more about the whole thing on Sat. and we think it may have had more to do with the earlier bedtime than we initially thought. And we have decided to do some moving around and create a room for our SD. It may be a spare room for guests too since she is not always here but it will give her a place of her own when she is here. Maybe that will make it easier to let her read some books since she is used to staying up later when the other children have to go to bed.
Reply
post #5 of 8
3/11/07 at 5:10pm
I think that it is great that you two shared a bonding moment...and as she adjusts to things, I am sure that there will be more of them. I think its great that you guys are going to create a space of her own. I think that since your SD is so much older than your oldest dd, having a space of her own is important. IMO, its not right that your dd should have an early bed time as your other kids since she is older...and maybe having that space of her own to unwind, relax and not keep the other kids awake will be really good for her too.

BTW, it sounds as if you are a great step mom
Reply
post #6 of 8
3/11/07 at 6:24pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liz&NicksMom
I think that it is great that you two shared a bonding moment...and as she adjusts to things, I am sure that there will be more of them. I think its great that you guys are going to create a space of her own. I think that since your SD is so much older than your oldest dd, having a space of her own is important. IMO, its not right that your dd should have an early bed time as your other kids since she is older...and maybe having that space of her own to unwind, relax and not keep the other kids awake will be really good for her too.

BTW, it sounds as if you are a great step mom
First of all, THANKS! I appreciate you saying that.

You are right, my SD probably should have a later bedtime. It just always been too hard to do it b/c she sleeps in the same room as my DD and my DD will never go to bed when SD is up. Which is normal. The only reason my DD and DS have the same bedtime is b/c once DS started school she was exhausted plus she doesn't seem to get enough sleep if she doesn't go at the same time. So those two are usually in bed by 9 on weekends and 8 on school nights. I know my SD goes at 9:00 on school nights so I am sure it is at least 10 or later for her on weekends.
Reply
post #7 of 8
3/11/07 at 10:53pm
Its funny....some parents could care less as to when their kids go to bed on weekends....we try to keep our kids to the same sleep schedule as much as possible.

You are doing great with her.....and i think that at the age of 10, anywhere between 8-9 is a great bedtime
Reply
post #8 of 8
3/18/08 at 3:06am

Re: Bonding

Ally is 7 and she is in bed at 7:30 and then we read for 30 minutes. So sleeping by 8pm. Drew (who seems to require more sleep than she does) is 13 and is in his room by 8 to be asleep by 8:30. We were just talking about changing their bedtimes to 1/2 hour later starting next week (they are on spring break this week). So giving her a later bedtime is probably good. And having her in a space of her own when she is there should definitely make her feel more secure.

Until you get a space set up for her, is there any reason you couldn't just let her stay up with you guys for say 30 minutes? I mean, have her take her bath and put on her jammies and then she can spend some "quality time" with just the 2 of you. I'll bet she'd like that and it wouldprobably help her settle in more.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Step Parenting