Myths About Only Children
By Toni Falbo
This article is one in a series written by scholars and researchers in a variety of fields at UT Austin. Dr. Toni Falbo is a professor of educational psychology and sociology.
AUSTIN, Texas — Negative views of "only children" growing up without siblings are common. Many people believe these kinds of children are lonely, selfish and maladjusted.
Because these views have been around so long, researchers began to test them, conducting studies of only children, and comparing "onlies" to others, such as firstborns or people from large families. Hundreds of studies have been conducted in the U.S. and around the world.
Now we know that:
Only children are no more lonely than others. People assume that only children grow up alone, without the benefit of child company. In fact, the parents of only children generally provide them opportunities for child companionship, via neighborhood play groups, school clubs and sports teams.
Only children are no more selfish than others. In the past, people assumed that only children were over-indulged and therefore, spoiled by their parents. But now we know that parents of only children do not over-indulge them, but rather these parents indulge their children just enough to motivate them to meet their expectations. Thus, only children do not grow up to become selfish adults.
Only children are no more maladjusted than others. Several studies of the mental health of children without siblings indicate that these children are as well adjusted as others. This is not to say that there are no maladjusted only children, but that the proportion of maladjusted "onlies" is the same as the proportion of maladjusted children from larger families.
In addition to discovering all the ways that only children are like other people, the research studies have informed us about the ways that only children are different from others. These differences indicate that only children have some advantages in their upbringing, particularly when compared to people from large families:
Only children have higher self-esteem than others. Positive attention from parents helps children develop and maintain a positive view of themselves. Only children have an advantage here in that they receive more attention from their parents than children from larger families. This positive attention does not spoil children, but rather allows parents to monitor their children and take corrective action when needed.
Only children achieve more than others. Because the parents of only children have more time and other resources to devote toward their child's development, only children tend to do better in school and complete more years of education than others. Consequently, only children later tend to have more prestigious occupations than others.
Given these findings, why do people continue to believe that only children are disadvantaged? In order to answer this question, we need to understand how people think. The stereotype of only children is that they are selfish, lonely, and maladjusted. Even though scientific research tells us this statement is not true, once a stereotype exists, it is almost impossible to eliminate. This happens because every time a person sees a confirming case, belief in the stereotype is affirmed and is not lessened by the fact there are proportionately as many children with siblings who are just as selfish, lonely, and maladjusted.
Furthermore, once people believe in the "only child" stereotype, they are unlikely to notice that some only children are not selfish, not lonely, not maladjusted. One of the characteristics of humans is that we seek out confirming evidence, ignore contradictory evidence and, in this way, maintain our beliefs.
Of course I'm thrilled that this article says being an only isn't a terrible thing. I get so many negative comments about Gabe not having a sibling. Lots of those reasons are reasons I'm looking forward to having an only child.
By Toni Falbo
This article is one in a series written by scholars and researchers in a variety of fields at UT Austin. Dr. Toni Falbo is a professor of educational psychology and sociology.
AUSTIN, Texas — Negative views of "only children" growing up without siblings are common. Many people believe these kinds of children are lonely, selfish and maladjusted.
Because these views have been around so long, researchers began to test them, conducting studies of only children, and comparing "onlies" to others, such as firstborns or people from large families. Hundreds of studies have been conducted in the U.S. and around the world.
Now we know that:
Only children are no more lonely than others. People assume that only children grow up alone, without the benefit of child company. In fact, the parents of only children generally provide them opportunities for child companionship, via neighborhood play groups, school clubs and sports teams.
Only children are no more selfish than others. In the past, people assumed that only children were over-indulged and therefore, spoiled by their parents. But now we know that parents of only children do not over-indulge them, but rather these parents indulge their children just enough to motivate them to meet their expectations. Thus, only children do not grow up to become selfish adults.
Only children are no more maladjusted than others. Several studies of the mental health of children without siblings indicate that these children are as well adjusted as others. This is not to say that there are no maladjusted only children, but that the proportion of maladjusted "onlies" is the same as the proportion of maladjusted children from larger families.
In addition to discovering all the ways that only children are like other people, the research studies have informed us about the ways that only children are different from others. These differences indicate that only children have some advantages in their upbringing, particularly when compared to people from large families:
Only children have higher self-esteem than others. Positive attention from parents helps children develop and maintain a positive view of themselves. Only children have an advantage here in that they receive more attention from their parents than children from larger families. This positive attention does not spoil children, but rather allows parents to monitor their children and take corrective action when needed.
Only children achieve more than others. Because the parents of only children have more time and other resources to devote toward their child's development, only children tend to do better in school and complete more years of education than others. Consequently, only children later tend to have more prestigious occupations than others.
Given these findings, why do people continue to believe that only children are disadvantaged? In order to answer this question, we need to understand how people think. The stereotype of only children is that they are selfish, lonely, and maladjusted. Even though scientific research tells us this statement is not true, once a stereotype exists, it is almost impossible to eliminate. This happens because every time a person sees a confirming case, belief in the stereotype is affirmed and is not lessened by the fact there are proportionately as many children with siblings who are just as selfish, lonely, and maladjusted.
Furthermore, once people believe in the "only child" stereotype, they are unlikely to notice that some only children are not selfish, not lonely, not maladjusted. One of the characteristics of humans is that we seek out confirming evidence, ignore contradictory evidence and, in this way, maintain our beliefs.
Of course I'm thrilled that this article says being an only isn't a terrible thing. I get so many negative comments about Gabe not having a sibling. Lots of those reasons are reasons I'm looking forward to having an only child.
I think there is NOTHING wrong with only wanting one kid!
That darn sister of mine. If it weren't for her, I'd be a millionaire by now. 
