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Help me please - child custody agreement

post #1 of 13
6/4/07 at 2:39pm
Thread Starter 
The scariest thing has happened and it is possible that I will go to court for custody of Brenna if an agreement can't be made that satisfies both Shane and I. I found a "sample form" of a custody agreement and am using it to come up with ideas that I can live with. Please look this over and help me add to it. It won't be legal but if I can show Shane that I don't intend to keep Brenna from him or do anything to cause visitation to be limited than possibly we can work with an attorney and settle this amicably.

Child Custody and Visitation Agreement for Brenna G. Ferguson
Biological child of Elaine C. White and Shane E. Ferguson
Elaine C. White ("Custodian") shall have custody of Brenna G. Ferguson ("Child"), and legal control and supervision of her upbringing, subject to the following:
1. Shane E. Ferguson ("Non-Custodial Parent") shall have the right to visitation with the child in his home a total of 72 hrs per week either consecutive or non-consecutive. It is agreed upon that the non-custodial parent shall notify the custodial parent of requests for visitation time at least 24 hrs prior to the desired time frame. The custodial parent shall not deny any reasonable request for visitation that falls within these guidelines. The non-custodial parent will return the child to the custodial residence on or before the pre-arranged time.
2. On all matters of importance relating to the Child's health, education, and upbringing the Custodian shall consult and confer with the Non-Custodial Parent, with a view to adopting and following a harmonious policy.
3. Neither party shall do anything which may estrange the Child from the other including but not limited to change of residential location of greater than 50 miles.
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post #2 of 13
6/4/07 at 3:51pm
I personly do ont like the 50 mile radius. If it is not requiered in your state I wouldnt agree to it. Standard visitation for the non custodial parent in NY is every other weekend and one evening for a few hours. Ours is set up that way but with the notation liberal visitation, meaning if he wants them extra he can he just has to ask (never does though) Ed and I have joint legal and I have sole physical custody with him having visitation. To me t sounds like you and Shane share physical custody? 50/50 so to speak?
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post #3 of 13
6/4/07 at 4:03pm
My agreement with Jason is basically the exact same as Becky mentioned.

I also do not like how it just says 72 hours, without being specific. Even though there is the 24 hour notice, I personally think it would be better to have set days and times. Its hard enough to plan things when the other parent does not get them as much as they are supposed to , I could not imagine having to just wait around and send the girls whenever he felt like it.
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post #4 of 13
6/4/07 at 5:35pm
Listen to them.... I know nothing about this. I don't think I would want it in writing that I couldn't move though. You are saying that you won't move more than an hour away, and while that is nice for now.... What if you finish nursing school and get offered a job that's two hours away? I don't know how binding this type of thing is, but it could make life tricky.
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post #5 of 13
6/4/07 at 5:41pm
I agree that leaving the visitation so vague might be an issue. How about something like "72 hours per week, on a schedule to be set monthly by agreement of both parties. Any temporary or permanent changes to this schedule must be made at least one calendar week in advance, except in case of emergency." That means there would have to be some sort of regular schedule, but would still allow flexibility if needed.

As for the 50 miles radius thing, maybe add "without the express written agreement of both parties." or something like that. I take it that line is mostly so that neither of you can leave, with the intention of taking Brenna away from the other, right? You need to make it a little more flexible, I think. I mean, what happens if Shane gets a great job opportunity that requires he move 51 miles away? Should he be forced, by this agreement, to choose between the job and Brenna? That wouldn't be very fair. You need to phrase it such that it shows you are willing to work with him on visitation, even if one of you ends up needing to move.
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post #6 of 13
6/4/07 at 6:03pm
See, as far as the moving part....I got divorced in Illinois. The state law there states that I could not move out of the state without going to court and proving that it is in the best intrest of the girls for me to leave. He finally agreed with me on that one so we do have it in the papers that I cannot move more than 60 miles from St Louis. I probably could have fought it but I have been in this area long enough to know that this is where I want to be. There is NOTHING in there restricting where he can move. I noticed that when we were going through the proceedings but I kinda liked that it was excluded because I know how he is always moving because of his job and all. He wants to go, then fine with me. That will be HIS decision. I am staying put. Plus, if he ever moves out of the area, that will release me from that because really, what judge would make me stay here if he is gone? That is only done to ensure that both parents are able to easily see the kids. See, I thought this one through.
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post #7 of 13
6/4/07 at 6:29pm
Thread Starter 
The problem is that the moving thing is where I have to bend to keep him from pressing for custody. Right now he has this idea that if he upsets me in any way I will pack the kids up and move back to NC. It does need to be changed somehow so it isn't so strict but I'm not sure what direction to go in.
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post #8 of 13
6/5/07 at 4:49am
Elaine... .if that's the case I might put that you agree to stay within 120 milesof your current location. Any moves outside of that range will be agreed to by both parties, or the family court. That is still close enough that he can see Brenna whenever he wants, but allows you a little larger freedom for moving.

Jen, that is funny that it says you have to stay but nothing about him.
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post #9 of 13
6/5/07 at 8:42am
Yes its the custodial parent that has to stay put but not the non custodial parent. Not fair at all.
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post #10 of 13
6/5/07 at 8:55am
I think specifying a mileage is just too specific. However, you could say that you cannot leave the state with Brenna without his express written permission. Of course, he'd have to "write you a note" anytime you wanted to visit someone out of state, which would be a pain in the a$$, but maybe it would settle his mind.

And I hate to say this, and I know you'd never do it, but if you really wanted to "pack up the kids and head back to NC" a piece of paper isn't going to stop you. He sounds very insecure.
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post #11 of 13
6/5/07 at 3:54pm
I think it sounds good except the 50 mile radius. I think I would rather go to court than be stuck in one area because he's nervous you will leave. I hope everything works out.
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post #12 of 13
6/5/07 at 6:47pm
Actually a piece of paper can stop you and they can make you bring hre back and hold you in violation of a court order ect. I had thought about it many times to get away from the ex.
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post #13 of 13
6/6/07 at 11:47am
Good Luck.
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