Am I being a bad mom or teaching a tough lesson? - Page 2

I know that I am a Parent, I don't think that ANY Parent, including yourself, would like to be referred to as "some parent". I am ''Patricia and Emily's Parent'', I am ''A Parent'', but I am not "some parent." I deserve more respect than that and would hope that my daughters teachers would think of me better than you think of your students parents. It may be just a way that you phrased it and not what you meant to say, but it shows little respect.
I do not refer to my daughters teachers as 'some teacher', I refer to them by their names or as Patricia and Emily's teachers. They are wonderful women who my daughters adore, I would never disrespect them by calling them "some teacher". Would you want to be referred to as that? Probably not.

I guess it goes back to her saying that she waited 2 hours. Brittany is trying to pull something so that is why I got upset with her and took something away.

I think teachers do so much more that they are not getting credit for. If teachers salary is based on just the 40 hour work week and they still get paid squat, how do they feel when they need to put in 15 hour days. We dont have a web site with the assignments posted but talking regularly with the teacher and knowing her I know my daughter is givin ample enough time to write down the assignments she needs done. She just is baing lazy and not wanting to do it.

KeltoKel I know exactly what you are trying to say and agree with you.

What happened years ago when we were our childrens age and we forgot an assignment, were our parents calling the teacher at home or e-mailing them. I really think children in general need to be more responsible.

Also I think KeltoKel and Heather you have two totally different situations. If I am right KeltoKel you taught public and Heather your girls are attending private. I think there are two different set of parents too.

Yes, my daughters are in Catholic School.

I am not saying not to help your child find a solution, but am saying that not doing anything is not the answer. Taking away an MP3 player and then bringing Brittany to school early so she could do her assignment was perfect, in my opinion. She payed a price for not being responsible, but she still had to do the assignment. She didn't get away with not doing it. If a child who doesn't want to do their homework and knows his/ her parents will not make them do it may start 'forgetting' it just so they don't have to do it.

If I would have had to work early the next day instead she would not have had that option and would have had to explain to the teacher why she missed it and been grounded till I saw it was finished.. We do not have at our Catholic school, the option of calling or e-mailing for the assignment.


(Actually I am on the computer right now... not checking in here but really helping her with her homework right now. She needed the weather highs and lows for all 50 states)

First of all, I do not think Kelly was being disrespectful by using the word "some" in reference to parent. I think she was using it to emphasize the fact that after working her butt off in the classroom all day, she wanted to go home and not have to deal with ANY parent. No teacher should have to apologize for feeling that way. Teaching is hard work, and just like MOST of the rest of the working world, when we go home, we want that time to be ours. Hooray for teachers who give out their home number. That's their choice, but it's not a requirement. I always told my students that my number is in the book, and if they REALLY needed me, they could call me at home. I had one student call me at home one time--not for homework, though--because he thought he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. I never advertised the fact that my number was listed to parents because I didn't want to talk to parents once I got home. The respect factor works both ways.
Also, it's a far stretch to say that if you don't go and get whatever your kid left at school, your kid will become apathetic and give up. Come on! It's called making them take responsibility. We are not talking about a 2nd grader. Telling them that remembering to do this on a regular basis is what they are expected to do, and then making them suffer the consequences if they choose to regularly forget the things they need is not "shrugging your shoulders." I believe we had all said that if it had only happened once or there was some extenuating circumstance, we would all feel more inclined to do something, but not if this were the kid's habit.
Also, Jannie, shame on you for saying that private school parents versus public school parents are different! It's wrong on many levels, but the bottom line is good parents, good teachers, and bad teachers and not so great parents are everywhere--it doesn't matter about private or public school. Making a general statement like that which implies that private school parents are more attentive is just not true. My best friend has taught at a private parochial school for many years, and I can tell you that apathy among teachers, parents, and students is just as prevalent there as it is in any public school where I taught. In some cases, parents are LESS involved because they believe that the money they pay in tuition means that their kids are getting everything they need and more, and therefore, parental involvement should not be required or needed. Anyway, that comment as well as my repsonse are off the topic here.

Okay, well, I am an insurance agent. I work my butt off all day for very little money. I shouldn't have to talk to 'some client' after I get home.
Think about this...
What if that client was you. You had just gotten into an accident, but didn't know who to call (besides the police) and your car had to be towed and you needed a way to get home. Your husband can't leave work to go pick up you and your children and you are stranded on the side of the road. You have no cash or credit cards, and you have no idea where to tell them to tow your car. Wouldn't you want me to take your phone call and help you? I do it ALL the time, because I may not be on the clock, they are still in need, just as some parent may feel desperate and need to talk to you. I am not saying that you must speak to parents after school and you are home, but please do not refer to parents as "some parent".

First of all, Heather, the word "some" has many uses. I was using it as an adverb. I was using the word in an unspecified way. I was not referring to a specific person when using it. We weren't using first names or talking about a specific person so I used it in a general sense. If it makes you happier, I could have just said, "to get an email from A parent..." But really, I am not going to argue over SOME word.

Also, you probably see your daughters' teacher twice a day - at drop off and pick up. Of course you have a relationship with her. All pre school teachers have relationships with their parents like this. As your daughters get older, you may only see their teachers a couple times a year - at conferences, or back to school night. I assure you, you won't have the same relationship since your daughters will become more independent.

And Liz, NO you weren't the ONLY one to mention email. Yes, the only one to mention detention and I think I already covered my thoughts on that. Read my post again. People are allowed to disagree with you. Goodness, you have disagreed with many in the past. And I may not have a 6th grader, but you have never taught them either.

And for the record, I taught at both private (elite!) and public schools. I started off in public and then got an awesome job for a very pretigious school in the Philadelphia area. I was recruited to work for this school by the Headmaster. So, maybe that is where my philosophy comes from. Like I mentioned earlier, the kids weren't allowed to return for books or homework. We gave detentions for multiple missed homeworks and not just one. I taught for 2 years until I got promoted to administrator. I dealth with many parents at that time.


And I could give a scenario as well. Let's say that a middle school student forgot his/her MATH book and didn't have access to 10 word problems. Would an email to the teacher solve this? I think we could agree that a teacher wouldn't email every word problem from a book home. Teachers keep their books in school.

And right Liz, teachers do work more than 40 hours. I spent tons of hours after school doing research and grading papers and preparing for lessons.

I do understand what Jan is saying. I did have differerent parents at both schools. Not in a bad way AT ALL. I could be specific but really want to drop it right now.

Goodness, I want to reflect on such an important day. God Bless America!

Heather, I never said teachers were the only ones who work their butts off.
Also, there is a big difference in being in a car accident, stranded on the side of the road with kids and not having an assignment or a book. BIG difference!
Liz, you are right, teaching is not a 40 hour a week job. I was under no illusions about that when I chose the profession. However, it's not a 24/7 job either.

Kelly, I was going to point this out, too. Even if a parent had contacted me at home, being a Language Arts (English) teacher, there would not have been a lot I could have done, depending on the assignment. I mean, if I assigned a story to read, and the student left his/her book at school, I couldn't email that or read it over the phone. Also, even if it were vocabulary, chances would be very slim that I would have that list at home with me. So, in many cases, contacting the teacher at home would not help.
My students knew that they could get me at home (if they were resourceful enough to look up my number), if they needed help with what they were working on. I would not have been able to help them if they forgot things at school, though.

Jeez, I didn't continue to follow this after my initial post and was wondering what was happening.

The only thing I can really add is my own experience (again as a teacher of 5th and 6th graders, not as a parent of such)....I do not give out my home or cell numbers. I also have an unlisted telephone number. I have given my numbers to certain students in certain situations. I also call to check on students. I don't think the insurance comparison is fair. That is to say, if teachers are NOT available after school hours then they are not doing as good of a job as a teacher who gives their number out. ??? Obviously I disagree. It's apples and oranges.

At the onset of the school year I stress that homework is the student's responsibility. Not mine and not the parents. I explain that they can approach being a student as a "job". They should be prepared and that means having their assignments done, wearing their uniform, acting civilly, getting enough sleep, arriving on time, etc. I also don't think students should be brought back to the building after hours to retrive things in the classroom. Again, it's just my opinion and my rule for my classroom.

Elaine's situation was, I think, unique because her daughter frequently "forgets" things and she knew about this assignment for some time. She put it off and put it off and then when she was really nervous and knew it was the last minute, she asked Elaine to fix the problem. IMO Elaine did exactly the right thing by having Haley fix her won problem while being there to support her by explaining what she was doing and why.

Tammy,
While the situations may be different, the student or 'some parent' that would want to speak to you would still need help. I have no idea if the phone call is about a serious situation that I made an example of, or if they just want to know how much their premium is because they lost the bill. I have no idea what the phone call is for until I answer the phone or open my email. It doesn't matter, I still answer the phone after hours because I care about these people.
I am NOT saying that you do not care about your students, but if you were the one who was calling me, I would answer the phone because you were my client. They have my cell phone number, my home number, and some of them even know where I live. I would rather answer the phone than have someone not be able to sleep because they don't know if their insurance covers the property that is damaged.
I will be as involved in my children's academic career as much as I possibly can be. They will know that school is a priority. They will know that they can count on me. If they consistently forget something I will do my best to make sure that they get it. I do NOT think that grades should suffer as a punishment. I do, however, believe that if it is a constant problem that a punishment should be given. If it is something that I can not get for them, then I will help them figure out a solution, if there is one to be found.
Elaine,
I feel really bad right now that your thread has turned into this and I was a part of it. For that, I am sorry.
I would not have done the same thing that you did, but that does not mean that your way isn't going to work. It is just not the way that I would have handled it. You know Hailey better than any of us do, so it is your decision to handle her forgetting things. If you think that they only way for her to learn is to let her pay the direct consequences, then that is what you should do. As parents, we just go with our gut and pray that it's right. From the way it sounds, Hailey got what she needed when she found out that you weren't going to help her. That shows that she has problem solving skills, which is VERY important in the real world.

Heather, I get what you are saying, but it's still not a fair comparison. The emergencies you could have after hours are not the same as the one a teacher would have. I mean, yes, kids get sick, but I am not a doctor. If a parent emailed or called with this emergency, it would be only for informational purposes, and it's not like I could do anything. The thing is, it's your choice to give your clients this information, and to be there for them all hours, and it's my choice not to do this.
By the way, our insurance agent does not do this for us.

I don't get calls after hours for silly things, most of them respect that I have a life outside of the office. Of course, there is the exception to every rule...

Accually, the point I was trying to make was not one about if you should give out you personal contact information to the students. The point I was trying to make is that we all go above and beyond, not just teachers, and I would not refer to my clients as just 'some client.'