Not happy

When Kyle's grandmother (his mom's mom) was still alive, she wrote out a list of who was to get certain things of hers. She specified that her wedding set was to be divided up between Kyle and BIL. I never thought that made sense, but it was her wish. Nannie passed away 11 years ago. Shortly after Kyle's grandfather died (8 years ago), MIL and her brother and his wife (V) were at Nannie's house cleaning out drawers and stuff, and MIL saw V searching for something. It turns out, she was looking for Nannie's rings. MIL told her then that she had the rings and what Nannie wanted done with them. V's response was that she thought her daughter would get them.
After I had Emily, MIL came to me and said she wanted me to have one of the rings. She let me pick, and I picked the engagement ring. When she gave me the ring, she said she would not give BIL the other ring unless he was married for years and years. Now she says he will never have it because he is so unstable. So last spring, she gave me both rings. As I said, I originally only had the engagement ring part, and when MIL gave me the band part, I told her I would give it back after I wore it that one time. (These are not big diamonds at all or expensive. It's just antique and pretty. It's set in white gold, and it's a sentimental kind of thing for Kyle and me to have the rings.) I have tried several times to give the band part back to MIL. She always tells me to keep it, that they are both practically mine anyway because BIL will never get his part, and I should size them and wear them. Well now, Kyle's cousin (V's son) has met someone and they want to get married. So V said to me a few months ago, very snarky, that her son wanted the rings, but then they realized MIL had them and that Kyle and BIL were to get them. See, MIL never told them that I already had the rings. I told MIL about it, and she was adament that V's son would NEVER get the rings or even one of them. She comes home yesterday and says her brother (V's husband) asked for the rings for his son and she told him his son could have one. I told her NO that Kyle has gotten nothing from anyone who has passed and everyone else has and Nannie was clear on the ring issue. So now, I have to pick which one I want to keep and then give the other half to Kyle's cousin. I think it's bullsh*t. I have been married to Kyle for 12 years, have two children, and his cousin's girlfriend has been around all of nine months and she gets a dang ring? WHATEVER! Kyle's uncle said that he was going to talk to the girlfriend and tell her that she has to agree to terms such as not altering the ring (except for sizing it), it can't be dismantled, etc. and that if she and the son should split, she has to give the ring back. I mean, if they have to set those ground rules,then obviously she is not the right person to have the ring. I would never change the rings or ring, and I see it as Kyle's, not mine, if we were to split up. So, I feel very hurt. To me, this could have been avoided if MIL had said to them, "Nannie wanted Kyle and C to have it when they got married, and C is never going to grow up, so I gave it to Tammy. End of story." It probably sounds trivial, but I knew Kyle's grandmother, had a relationship with her, the rings actually mean something to me. I also know that Kyle's cousin wants the engagement ring, which is the ring I was originally given and the one I want to keep if the set gets broken up. I can see a whole new bru ha ha occuring if I keep the engagement ring. MIL won't stick up for us. If they ask that I swap and give them the engagement ring, she will want me to do it to keep the peace. I just think she probably really doesn't want me to have the rings for whatever reason or else she would have set the record straight a few days ago when she had the chance. So, I am really debating on just giving her both rings back. I don't want them if they don't want me to have them. It's meaningless that way. What would you do?

I am not involved in making any decision except for which ring I want since we were married first, and MIL gave me first choice. It's not up to me nor has it ever been as to whether BIL gets the ring. HOWEVER--
MIL would be better off flushing the ring down the toilet than giving it to BIL. It was to go to him, first of all, when he got married. He's not married. Second of all, he would pawn it. He would not have it five minutes before he did that. So, yes, Nannie did want him to have it if he was married and she would not have wanted it to go to him so he could pawn it for his recreational drug use and drinking. I am sure you don't know all the background on my BIL, as many of the ladies on the boards do, but her not giving it to BIL isn't an arbitrary decision or something she is doing for selfish reasons. He pawned his father's wedding ring for goodness sake!

I never said I had a say in regards to Chad. That is up to MIL, and not me. I said it earlier:
I did say last night to Donna that she needed to discuss it with Kyle, not me. But then she said it was up to me, and that is when I told her my thoughts. The decision is mine which ring to keep, but in all fairness, she did give both rings to me last year. My point of contention here is NOT over Kyle's brother getting the ring, it's over his cousin getting the ring and giving it to someone he barely knows. I was in the family for many years before I got my part of the ring.
What I really want to do is give her back all of it and let her do what she wants with it. Kyle says no, for me to keep what I want. He is going to take the other ring down to his mom and they are going to discuss all this. I don't want any part of the drama. I am over it all, but that does not mean that I am not frustrated or hurt by all this. It does not mean that I think it's right to give someone something and then turn around and take it back. Remember, I did not ask for the entire ring. SHE GAVE IT TO ME. I have tried on multiple occasions to return the band, and she refused to take it back. I have not asked for anything in this situation.

I agree, Heather. My issue with the whole thing has never been whether BIL ever gets his part of the ring. It's not a matter of what I think about BIL. One contingency is that he has to be married. That was not my rule. My main issue is that MIL told them that SHE still had both rings and they were in her safe deposit box. She never told them that she had given me half of the ring over four years ago, and that I had chosen the engagement ring at that time and had been in possession of it since. I am over his family and all their CRAP, and I don't want any more drama, etc. and my concern has been this: Kyle's cousin is ready to get married, so he gets his dad to ask MIL for the rings. MIL says she still has them both in her possession (lie), and that since Nannie wanted Kyle and BIL to have them (when they got married) then she thinks I should get first choice. So this implies that I have not yet chosen and that MIL will now come to me and say something to the effect of, "K wants to get engaged/married to S and he wants one of Nannie's rings. So, I want you to choose the one you want first and they can have the one you don't pick." Well, everyone knows they don't have an engagement ring yet, so knowing how Kyle's family thinks and works, they will villify me for keeping the engagement ring when it's clearly the ring K wants for S.
That's why I believe they will ask for the engagement ring even if I keep it. Kyle and I talked last night, and I told him, the main thing that really irks me here is not even so much that K is getting half the ring, it's that his mom didn't say, Tammy's had her half of the ring since just after Emily was born. Why didn't she tell that? Then at least they would know that I picked the engagement ring over four years ago, and it's not even available. I believe they will feel more inclined to demand the ring they want if they think I JUST now got my pick. So, Kyle and I talked about it, and he is going to take his mom the band, and tell her that we really want her to come clean about the ring issue. He's going to tell her about the engagement ring vs. wedding band issue and tell her that it's important to us (and in general) that the record is set straight. He is going to tell her that she needs to tell them that she gave me the choice over FOUR YEARS ago, and back then is when I chose the engagement ring, not just now. That way, they know I am not being selfish or trying to keep them from the ring they want. He is also going to let her know that if she doesn't tell them this, that he will because y'all just have to understand, V and her daughter will both make remarks and V especially will think nothing of saying something rude to me about it when we see each other. I also know that V will be livid that I didn't let them have the ring they want, etc. So, it's important that this clarity is brought to the situation.

Judy, you are right, they will. Having MIL tell them the truth and level with them about when I got the ring and which ring I picked over four years ago is more about showing a unified front. I want them to know MIL is on board with me having the ring I originally picked and that it was her decision to give me that ring FOUR + years ago, and that it didn't just come about now to pacify ME. KWIM? That way, when they make the remarks they are bound to make or when they pitch a fit because K doesn't get the ring he wants, Kyle or I can say, Look, this is the way MIL wanted it. She made this decision long before anyone knew K would meet S and want the ring. And if the truth comes from Donna (MIL) from the get-go (or the almost get-go), then I really do believe they will have less snide remarks about ME and the way it went down.