I have to get this out, and I want to do it here.
I have to admit that when he left I was ready for him to go. I needed him to go. After everything I had gone through on recruiting duty, a part of me hated him, I did. I have never said it out loud but I did. All the nights that he was out and I spent them pregnant and wondering what he was doing. All the times I put the kids to bed and them had to drag them out in the middle of the night to go get him because he was drunk with his co-workers, I have resented him for 3 years. Right before he left I wanted him to help be because he was gonna be gone for 8 month and I was gonna be here alone with he kids, did he, NOPE! He said"I need to relax,because I'm leaving for 8 moths".WTF?? What about ME!! He refused to help me and I hated that. I hated him for that!
Then he deployed. He left me. Alone. With my kids. I have talked to him and been able to tell him tings that I never would have before. We have gotten so much closer, he wrote me an entire email about things he now loves and appreciates me. He has apologized to me several times nd he said that I am the air he breathes and needs me more than anything or anyone. I miss him, because he is gone i now realize, that I LOVE him and He does so much for this family. He helps me, he sweeps and mops and does dishes he bathes the kids and does the laundry. He takes the kids to the park and lets me sleep in. I miss him. IT it took 8 months of separation and oceans of distance for us to realize that we love each other so be it.
This post is more for me than anything.IF you read all this , thanks for letting get this off my chest.
I have to admit that when he left I was ready for him to go. I needed him to go. After everything I had gone through on recruiting duty, a part of me hated him, I did. I have never said it out loud but I did. All the nights that he was out and I spent them pregnant and wondering what he was doing. All the times I put the kids to bed and them had to drag them out in the middle of the night to go get him because he was drunk with his co-workers, I have resented him for 3 years. Right before he left I wanted him to help be because he was gonna be gone for 8 month and I was gonna be here alone with he kids, did he, NOPE! He said"I need to relax,because I'm leaving for 8 moths".WTF?? What about ME!! He refused to help me and I hated that. I hated him for that!
Then he deployed. He left me. Alone. With my kids. I have talked to him and been able to tell him tings that I never would have before. We have gotten so much closer, he wrote me an entire email about things he now loves and appreciates me. He has apologized to me several times nd he said that I am the air he breathes and needs me more than anything or anyone. I miss him, because he is gone i now realize, that I LOVE him and He does so much for this family. He helps me, he sweeps and mops and does dishes he bathes the kids and does the laundry. He takes the kids to the park and lets me sleep in. I miss him. IT it took 8 months of separation and oceans of distance for us to realize that we love each other so be it.
This post is more for me than anything.IF you read all this , thanks for letting get this off my chest.
