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She wants to use our last name???

post #1 of 15
7/27/08 at 7:23pm
Thread Starter 
Ok I need to set the stage first----DH and his first wife were married for about 4 years and had 2 boys together after they got divorced about a year later she remarried, then about 2 years after that me and DH married and have 2 boys together after 10 years of marriage. I have been with my DH since about 6 months after his divorce with his first wife and the entire time she has never accepted me as his wife, in the beginning she would tell the older two boys that I was a bad person and that I was the reason her and their Dad couldn't work things out and on and on. And that is not true I didn't even know my DH when they had their problems and she kicked him out. But anyways now she has called him because her and her second husband are filing for divorce and she wants to go back to using his last name again. I am really having a hard time accepting this and I don't know that I can deal with it. My DH thinks that it's not a big deal but I think it is a very BIG deal. Will some of you give me your two cents about this situation?
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post #2 of 15
7/27/08 at 7:53pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

Can she legally even do that? When I divorced Jason, I went back to my maiden name but even for that, I had to give the courts a copy of my birth certificate (we divorced in IL). It had never even crossed my mind to go back to Coris dads last name. I just do not really see how that would be possible. I thought that once you got rid of a "married name", you could not go back to it. I could be wayyy off but still...

And yeah, I would see that as a big deal. Had she KEPT it all these years, thats another thing but to get remarried, divorced and then go back to it..no. She should keep her current name or go back to her maiden. IMO.
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post #3 of 15
7/27/08 at 8:13pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

Yeah that's weird...she should either keep her current last name or go back to her maiden name.
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post #4 of 15
7/27/08 at 8:29pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

i don't think i would approve of her taking his name again. stick with what she has or maiden name. what right does she have to it?
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post #5 of 15
7/27/08 at 8:40pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

It's like she wants to still be married to him. It would bother me too. She should keep her current name or go back to her maiden name. My MIL kept my FIL's name, but she has not remarried and had used that name professionally many years while they where married.
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post #6 of 15
7/27/08 at 9:36pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

Not that I agree with her, but could she just want to have the same last name as her boys?
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post #7 of 15
7/27/08 at 10:38pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

That is exactly what I was thinking Dana. I don't really see it as a big deal either. Actually, lots of people were surprised that I changed back to my maiden name since the kids have the last name of Johnson.
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post #8 of 15
7/27/08 at 11:48pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

True. My BIL changed his name to something funky and unpronouceable.
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post #9 of 15
7/28/08 at 9:35am

Re: She wants to use our last name???

She can legally change her name to anything she wants. My mom paid $150 to change her middle name. I've always had the impression that at a divorce it doesn't cost to change the last name.

I have *never* heard of taking an ex's name again! That would really unnerve me. I suggest talking to your husband about it. I think that since she asked, she still has feelings for him. Best of luck.
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post #10 of 15
7/28/08 at 11:28am

Re: She wants to use our last name???

I would def. talk to your husband about this situation here. And I agree she has some feelings for him
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post #11 of 15
7/28/08 at 11:42am

Re: She wants to use our last name???

my mom went back to her first husband's last name after her second divorce. With kids it's easier. She went back to her maiden name a few years after that once we were all out of the house.
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post #12 of 15
7/28/08 at 6:05pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

My first thought was that she wants to do it so her name will the same as her boys. Having said that, I still think it's weird. I know that in Texas, you can change your name to ANYTHING (for free) when you get divorced. I went back to my maiden name and for the first time used my step-dads name legally - it meant alot to me. So when Rick and I got married, I didn't change my name - just hyphenated it. I wouldn't even consider using my ex's name. Too strange for me.
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post #13 of 15
7/28/08 at 8:03pm
Thread Starter 

Re: She wants to use our last name???

She said that she wants to use his last name because of the boys and I can kind of understand that but I am having a problem with it still. I just think it is a little weird! And too-like I told my husband, for the past 13 years she has been nothing but a thorn in my side treated me horrible, said many untruthful things about me to many people including the boys and I still have some hurt feelings over everything that has happened and don't think I can just forget about them and be okay with her taking my last name. I tried really hard for three days to just let it be okay that she was taking our last name but I would go to bed thinking about it, wake up thinking about it and I just really don't think that I can handle it. Thank You all for your feelings on this!
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post #14 of 15
7/28/08 at 11:20pm

Re: She wants to use our last name???

Thanks for the update! I was curious on what suggestion you were going to make to your hubbie. BOL dealing with an unpleasant situation.
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post #15 of 15
8/20/09 at 3:14am

She wants to use our last name

my oldest DD is from a previous reltionship, She has her fathers last name, I wish i wouldt have now becuse I am married now & DH & I have had 2 children, so everyone in the house has the same last name except for my oldest. She sometimes makes comments about it:
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