I can't believe I am writing this. It's been over 2 yrs and for some strange reason, I actually admitted some stuff to myself.
On Tuesday, my 6 yr old and I were talking about angels. I told him that mommy has an angel. I told him that I had a baby that died. He asked me if it was a boy or a girl and I told him that I didn't know. She was too small to find out. Then, I said, "Deep in my heart, I know it was a girl. I call her McKenna." That was the first time I ever admitted that I thought it was a girl.
What a flood of emotions that came over me. Relief. Sadness. Love. So, to my baby McKenna, I say:
Sweetheart, I love you. You were my baby. And even though I never held you, in my heart , I always feel you. When I look at your two brothers, I wonder, "would you have had Braydon's forehead or maybe Dawson's nose, Braydon's patience or Dawson's stubborness?" Either way, you would have been my perfect baby. I will talk about you. I will cry for you. I will wrap my arms around myself tightly and squeeze - believing that it is you I hug. Please, my little angel, watch over us. Know that you are loved and missed. I love you, my baby McKenna.
On Tuesday, my 6 yr old and I were talking about angels. I told him that mommy has an angel. I told him that I had a baby that died. He asked me if it was a boy or a girl and I told him that I didn't know. She was too small to find out. Then, I said, "Deep in my heart, I know it was a girl. I call her McKenna." That was the first time I ever admitted that I thought it was a girl.
What a flood of emotions that came over me. Relief. Sadness. Love. So, to my baby McKenna, I say:
Sweetheart, I love you. You were my baby. And even though I never held you, in my heart , I always feel you. When I look at your two brothers, I wonder, "would you have had Braydon's forehead or maybe Dawson's nose, Braydon's patience or Dawson's stubborness?" Either way, you would have been my perfect baby. I will talk about you. I will cry for you. I will wrap my arms around myself tightly and squeeze - believing that it is you I hug. Please, my little angel, watch over us. Know that you are loved and missed. I love you, my baby McKenna.
Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts with us.
