relationships after divorce

Re: relationships after divorce

Well... Mine is different because my children are younger, Bryan was already my roommate before we became romantically involved, and my girls have known him as long as I have.

I think Nicole is in denial about everything. Daniel has been gone for over a year now and she'll still draw pictures of "Mommy, Daddy, me, Kiera, and Kylie." But she LOVES Bryan. They get along great, and there doesn't seem to be any sort of anger issues, no "But you're supposed to be with Daddy." But she's only 4...

The twins in all reality don't even know Daniel. Even as just a roommate Bryan has been a more stable part of their lives than Daniel has - since the separation Daniel has seen the girls a total of 3 times. And they're just turning 2, so they really don't know...

Personal experience . I was 6 when my mom introduced me to the man she is still with. We met him at a friend's place, we got to get to know him, and they dated with us getting to know him for about 6 months before we moved in with him. He took his time when it came to step parenting, he followed my mom's beliefs in discipline, and he would also take us out, take us to the park, that sort of thing, and let Mom get a break. He always treated us like his own, but without overstepping any sort of boundaries my mom had set.

It always was different, meeting Dad's girlfriends compared to the guys Mom dated. Mom's boyfriends were always a little more involved, we would see more of them, and it always hurt more when they split up. But it was easier to like them than Dad's girlfriends LOL

Re: relationships after divorce

I think you are on the right track, Krista. I am guessing they see you as the stable parent, so your relationship might be a little scarier for them. Trust your instincts. They seem to be right on track.

Re: relationships after divorce

My first relationship after my divorce to Mike was a disaster ... I put the kids in such a horrible position too soon after the split with their father ... Haley immediately resented Shane and Zach would cling to me and say "She's MY mommy" every time he was around. There was so much tension in the house all the time, that it didn't last long. I got my beautiful Brenna out of it though so I can't say it was all bad.

After some time, when I knew I was ready to date again, I decided that I was going to do things differently. I wasn't going to rush and I was going to make sure (to the best of my ability) that it was something real and lasting before introducing my kids. Chad is wonderful and patient. The first time he met the kids was a few months into our dating and it was just for a few minutes when he picked me up. At 6 months we are at the point that he comes over once a week and spends some time with me and the kids. They seem to like him. Brenna more than the others ... she climbs on him and calls him "my Chad". We still haven't gotten all of our kids together but that is in the plans for the new year.

These first months were all about getting to know eachother and grow as a couple. I'm very certain that I'm ready to move forward though and hopefully we can start focussing on our families and begin blending them. I know it's going to take time and patience but I'm ready...

Re: relationships after divorce

It's very cool to read the "where we were" posts and compare them to where we are now.

Chad and I are 2 years into our relationship. He comes over here at least once a week and hangs out with the family and I go to his house at least once a week and hang with them (and do laundry ... What a blessing though!). Every other week when we are both off work, we get everyone together for a big dinner and once a week we have our date night with no kids at all. There are other special events and unexpected get togethers here and there but over all this works really well for us. We lead really busy lives and having a rough schedule helps not only us but it's great for the kids as well ... because they know what to expect and when. Oh and our girls who happen to be right around the same ages are great friends now and talk about when they are sisters.