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Find a humourous quote

post #1 of 18
1/25/09 at 10:12am
Thread Starter 
Can you find a humourous quote and share it with the rest of us?

Here's mine:

"Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing."
Denis Leary
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post #2 of 18
1/25/09 at 4:43pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

03/09/02
"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
---Unknown
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post #3 of 18
1/25/09 at 4:43pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

11/30/01
"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"
---Neva Faith Linn
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post #4 of 18
1/25/09 at 4:49pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment."
- George Carlin
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post #5 of 18
1/25/09 at 7:27pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
George Carlin
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post #6 of 18
1/25/09 at 7:28pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

My favorite George Carlin quote:
So I say live and let live. That's my motto: Live and let live. Anyone who can't go along with that, take 'em outside and shoot the *&!#%.
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post #7 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:12pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Find a humourous quote

Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
---Woody Allen
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post #8 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:15pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Find a humourous quote

"Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
---Unknown
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post #9 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:18pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Find a humourous quote

"If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room."
---Unknown
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post #10 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:33pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
- Roseanne Barr
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post #11 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:34pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

Why do they rate a movie "R" for "adult language?" The only people I hear using that language are teenagers"
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post #12 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:34pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner."
---Ben Bergor
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post #13 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:39pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. ~Doug Larson
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post #14 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:40pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

It's difficult to decide whether growing pains are something teenagers have - or are. ~Author Unknown
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post #15 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:43pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

"Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble."
Martin Mull.
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post #16 of 18
1/25/09 at 8:49pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

As you can tell, I'm having "trouble" with the TEEN and his mouth today!

"Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet."
Bill Cosby.
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post #17 of 18
1/25/09 at 10:23pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Find a humourous quote

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
Robert Orben


This is too true!
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post #18 of 18
1/25/09 at 11:07pm

Re: Find a humourous quote

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. --unknown
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