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Another bad day.

post #1 of 28
2/3/09 at 12:03pm
Thread Starter 
okkkkk so this isn't really a big situation, but it bothers the HELL out of me.

Jordan and I got into a argument about him buying coffee for the past few days last week, well I told him I would rather him just drink the coffee they had at work, instead of wasting money! He made the excuse of, We don't have coffee, and we don't have a coffee machine.

I told him I WOULD buy him coffee, and he could take the coffee machine from home.

annnddd he also got all defensive when I said he drank there everyday, he started yelling at me telling me he only goes about once a week, I checked the bank account and he has been everyday.

HE TOOK THE COFFEE stuff to work today why would he need to buy coffee...

What can I do?!?! This is driving me crazy

I just figure he has a crush on the coffee girl or something, because recently he has been a total ass to me.
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post #2 of 28
2/3/09 at 12:25pm

Re: Another bad day.

As someone who spent six years in the Air Force myself, maybe the coffee at work sucks. The coffee could just sit there for hours. People get cheap with the coffee fund and end up only getting cheap brands which taste disgusting. No one cleans the coffee pot. The tap water is over clorinated and makes the coffee taste bad. He likes speciality coffees instead of just plain.

Before I became allergic to coffee, I was quite the coffee connoisseur myself. I don't think he's got a crush on the coffee girl. I think he just really likes his coffee and he doesn't like it nasty. Some people just love Maxwell House or think the brand doesn't matter so they just buy any old cheap thing, but it did matter a whole lot to me. Some brands you can only get at certian times a year. HEB sells the best Christmas coffee. I was also over the moon over Dutch coffee.

That morning cup of java is just like.... heaven. A person just doesn't want that moment spoiled by coffee that's been sitting in a pot for three hours which was some super cheap off brand at the start. I don't know. That first coffee of the morning is just special.

I guess I would just let him have his morning cup of joe. He's working. He can pay for his java and it just means so much to the coffee drinker. Something to look forward to all day.

Can you tell I really miss coffee?
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post #3 of 28
2/3/09 at 12:45pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

awwww, yea he likes coffee, but He picked out the coffee he wanted to take to work annnddd he took our coffee pot, he hasn't complained about tap there yet.

He took in some Gevalia coffee once, I told him not to bwecause seriously why share that little bit of expensive coffee we had. and I kept asking him to bring it back home so I could taste it but that never happened...boooo

It is just getting annoying because I don't like spending/wasting money on stuff that we REALLY don't need.

Like I bring Breakfast to work every morning, and he doesn't even though he HATES the snack shack..I let him pick out food to take to breakfast but still he doesn't take it. He just likes to waste money and I don't. I check our bank accounts at least 3 times a day ( I like to be safe) and he checks the bank account once a month!

He already spends every week
25-50 alcohol
10-15 on coffee
20-30 Lunch
20 gas every week and a half ( his work is a few min away)

that is a lot of money right there!
I spend

40 gas every week and a half ( I can only use supreme and I drive a good 60 miles to work and home every day )
20 on lunch every week




Thanks for the info Grace it really did help



http://www.gevalia.com/Gevalia/Coffee/index.aspx
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post #4 of 28
2/3/09 at 12:53pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

Also he has been treating me like **** ( talking down to me) for a few days already...it is getting annoying.
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post #5 of 28
2/3/09 at 1:13pm

Re: Another bad day.

As for the coffee part of the post--it's prob. just laziness. It is way easier to buy coffee than to make it. My husband buys it every morning too. It ticks me off. We have a programable pot so he could take a thermos AND we have a Keurig (and a Tassimo, which I took to work) so h could make any kind he wanted if that was the issue. It really is just laziness.
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post #6 of 28
2/3/09 at 1:18pm

Re: Another bad day.

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I like coffee from the coffee shops and it's not really expensive if you can afford it. Ofcourse I'm one of those people that don't check the bank account but once or twice a month because I don't have to.

You could try to compromise with him. half the week he can buy coffee, and half the week he can make it himself at work. My DH has his own mini coffee pot on his desk at work and I grind coffee for him to take to work every couple of days.
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post #7 of 28
2/3/09 at 1:25pm

Re: Another bad day.

Den does this too. He stops at Sheetz on his way to work. He gets 80.00 for gas a week--drives 90 minutes roundtrip 3 times a week. He DOES have gas money left over for snacks and coffee and he chooses to use the ATM card and not tell me. He can spend 20-30 doing that and it ticks me off because he could bounce the checkbook...not that I let it get that low...but why do I want to pay a total of 60.00 for coffee if he makes that mistake.

He gets pissy with me when all I do is tell him to at least let me know he is doing it. The thing is even if I budget it in and give him 100.00 a week, he would still do the same thing and take it out of the ATM instead of his cash he gets. He just doesn't want limits on him concerning the money he earns.....unfortunately right now most of us have limits on how much we can spend.....I mean my bank account isn't endless no matter what he thinks...lol
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post #8 of 28
2/3/09 at 1:25pm

Re: Another bad day.

Coming from someone who was married to what sounds like to be the exact same person LOL I know what you're going through. My ex is/was the same way.

The only thing that worked for me was to put it into prospective for him. I made a spreadsheet from our bank account "online" and sorted the transaction from his debit/credit card and mine. I then was able to sit and go through them legitimatly. He then was able to see the excessive spending that was occuring from his card. Oh believe me it was bad, 80.00 in one week at Starbucks! I asked if he was fu45ing her! LOL of course he denied it...we are divorced now and I control my own spending LOL

Men don't think about stuff like this and just make sure you have everything printed out and have set time aside to discuss it. Remember, try not to bombared him with stuff like this as soon as he gets home. Allocate time....
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post #9 of 28
2/3/09 at 1:28pm

Re: Another bad day.

BTW--he gets stuff bought for his lunch and he has his flavored tea made in the morning and he gets lunch money to eat out.....plus whatever he throws in the cart at Walmart....he doesn't have a lot of limits imposed on him....he just hates when I tell him anything. It is almost like a little kid saying since she said I can't do this or I have to tell her, then I'm going to do it anyways just because.
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post #10 of 28
2/3/09 at 2:50pm

Re: Another bad day.

This sounds like a perfect gift opportunity! Get him one of those single cup coffeemakers or one of the small carafe kind. Then get him nice, tasty coffee pods to use at work (more expensive than regular coffee, but cheaper than buying all the time!). You can get them in all kinds of flavors. I'm not a coffee drinker myself, but Rick and Bill both are. (Bill works at Starbucks and brings home a pound of coffee every week and I hoard it to use as gifts! LOL!)

You may want to do what my parents do - they have 3 checking accounts: Mom's, Dad's and a joint account. They each put a certain amount in the joint account to cover the bills and to go into savings (an amount they agreed on together). No one is allowed to touch that except to pay bills. The rest of their paychecks are theirs to do what they want. That way he wouldn't feel like you are "controlling" his spending and you don't have to worry about him going overboard and bouncing checks.

In our house, I control the money cause I pay the bills. Rick gets an allowance every week to spend however he wants. If he wants to use one of the checking accounts, he asks first. Normally it's not a problem, but with the way things are right now, I'm sure glad he asks before he spends! We also have a rule - you can't buy anything over $50 without the spouses approval (not counting gifts, which we budget for). It just helps to keep us both from over spending.
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post #11 of 28
2/3/09 at 3:04pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

a lot of good reading there ladies and some good info.

See we have the money to afford stuff, but I just see it as wasteful. ( As one said Laziness)

I just don't like wasting money, I am like a grinch with my money, I only want to spend it on needed things...ok ok unless it is something for my car then I kinda splurge.

We were going to do that joint acct only for bill thing but the way he wanted to do it didn't make sense at ALL!

He wanted the both of us to put in half our paychecks for bills. Whatever was left over on our side was to go to a fun account and whatever was left over from the bills would be going into savings.

See where I didn't agree was half the paycheck, it should be a % I get paid from 1100-1300 every 2 weeks and he gets paid 13-15 every 2 weeks...so that wouldn't make it fair for me. I would have less money left over.

So yea we didn't end up doing that, I think I might need to plan that one out LOL


I think I get the financial stuff from my mom, She came here from Korea with NOTHING, and now, owns huge businesses around the US. buys only in cash, and doesn't flaunt what she has ( moneywise) she saves and she is a penny pincher that is who I want to be when I grown up. I gotta say she is a very smart woman.
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post #12 of 28
2/3/09 at 3:17pm

Re: Another bad day.

I lived in SA for four years while i was stationed at Lackland AFB. I don't know where you live in SA, but the HEB on Bandera (the really big one) used to have a whole grind it yourself coffee section with a great selection. I used to go there just to buy coffee. Their prices are pretty good too. If you live over by Randolph though, I am clueless. I only ever went there for a required polygraph test. (It was required for everyone to work in my shop.)
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post #13 of 28
2/3/09 at 3:28pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

Yeaaa Jordan is on Medina!

We live by 151.. seaworld is on the same street as us LOL

yea there is a new HEB plus right down the road, it is AWESOME and they have the coffee stuff too! Jordan is just lazy! uggg

So are you still in the military Grace?
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post #14 of 28
2/3/09 at 4:08pm

Re: Another bad day.

I got out in '96. Liz109 is still in the Air Force. I lived at the Hollows on Culebra and Potranco. I don't know what it is like now, but it was nice then. About six months after I got out of the Air Force, they decommissioned the Satellite Communications shop I worked in on the Medina Annex. I understand why he is not just hitting the chow hall for lunch now. We used to be authorized to eat at the Officers Training Chow hall just down the street from the secure facility, but they moved all the OTS to Alabama, so then we would have to go to the enlisted chow hall over by the BX. I just assumed your dh worked at the secure facility, but it just occured to me there is a whole lot over there besides that facility. Besides, there was no roach coach at that facility anyway. It was such a hassle to go anywhere for lunch (checking in and out takes forever, plus the parking lot is not close to any of the buildings) most of us just packed our lunch.
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post #15 of 28
2/3/09 at 4:10pm

Re: Another bad day.

Is that BX on Lackland nice or what? It was just a regular BX when I first got stationed there. When I left they were turning into a Mall. It looked like it was going to be so nice! Ft. Sam Houston has a nice PX, too.
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post #16 of 28
2/3/09 at 4:36pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

Girl, That BX is alright, it is nice and big, they just put in some game place (lol Jordan HAS to show me everytime we go LOL)

If I go I'll take some pictures ^_^

Yea I dunno what is up with that horrible parking, it is like 10 miles from the dang gate! Actually dunno if you heard about it the parking lot flooded I think last year or something and there was plenty of cars floating! eeee not good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vY6B7N1I5Q





Yes Yes I know where the hollows are! that is on the other side of Potranco, we live more towards 1604. We use to live on culebra in an apt then moved to a house that is right by that huge church on culebra.

hum, jordan works with stuff like you did I think, maybe... He is a "senior signals analyst" something like that. I just know he is a 452 grad and apparently that is a good thing.
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post #17 of 28
2/3/09 at 5:36pm

Re: Another bad day.

I am sure he works at the Tech Control Facility. We received a signal from them and transmitted it elsewhere. We didn't work on individual lines in my shop. I hadn't heard about the flooding. Do they still have problems with the razor back hogs still breaking in from the back fence? Also there is a stream somewhere behind that complex where people like to fish.

Last I knew, they didn't let the roach coach in the gate. Is he eating from snack machines? I was in the 37th Comm Squadron. I called there a couple of months ago and it still hasn't changed it's name. Those Squardons change names almost weekly it seems.
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post #18 of 28
2/3/09 at 8:53pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

LOL he said no piggies break in! He says "otherwise deadly force is authorized"

yea he said they change names all the time too LOL

He said where he works at the MRSOC, but the name now is NSACSS TEXAS , NSA TEXAS or Texas cytological center , something like that LOL al those name changes.
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post #19 of 28
2/3/09 at 11:17pm

Re: Another bad day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiancracker View Post

See we have the money to afford stuff, but I just see it as wasteful. ( As one said Laziness)
It might be wasteful to you but it might make his day better. I understand what your point is(a valid one), but sometimes it's the little things that help make your day nicer.

I'm with you on the car thing. I love my car and pay a pretty penny for it, but it's the one thing I do for myself. What do you drive(just asking because I'm into cars)?
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post #20 of 28
2/4/09 at 4:37am

Re: Another bad day.

I have to agree with Tara.. I have an expresso machine at home that my hubby bought me sooo i wont splurge on Starbucks or any of the other coffeeshops and I have a coffeepot as well too.. but i still go out of my way and buy coffee every morning.. idont know what it is but it does make my mornings better and its like my moment.. yea it sounds like a personal thing. but really it is. Raymond has finally accepted it haha he gets his daily Rockstar i get my lattas
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post #21 of 28
2/4/09 at 11:15am
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara View Post
It might be wasteful to you but it might make his day better. I understand what your point is(a valid one), but sometimes it's the little things that help make your day nicer.

I'm with you on the car thing. I love my car and pay a pretty penny for it, but it's the one thing I do for myself. What do you drive(just asking because I'm into cars)?

OOOO I love cars!

I drive an all blacked out 06 Eclipse GT

what do you have?




Yea I am thinking the coffee thing might be bothering me now only because the hormones and ugggg.... something LOL
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post #22 of 28
2/4/09 at 4:05pm

Re: Another bad day.

Nice, my BIL has a 07 convertible spyder. My kids think it's a transformer car since it automatically brings the top up and down.

I drive a cashmere 05 Lincoln Navigator for now. Will be upgrading soon.
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post #23 of 28
2/4/09 at 6:04pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

ooo what you gonna get next?

I wanted the spyder, and wish I got it but they didn't come out until a month AFTER I got my car!
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post #24 of 28
2/5/09 at 12:05pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

Thanks for the info hun!

We get along....but a lot of things he does, does make me uggggggggggggg, he is getting better though LOL

I have lived here forever and a year and I still haven't been to the outlet malls!
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post #25 of 28
2/8/09 at 12:31pm

Re: Another bad day.

I've lived in San Marcos since '01 and I hate the outlet malls. But I'm also not a big shopper. When my dad and his wife come into town, they always go shopping.
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post #26 of 28
2/8/09 at 1:06pm

Re: Another bad day.

I agree with whoever said it was just laziness.
Maybe once you get a real budget set up and he has a certain amount of spending money each week, he will realize that pre-made coffee isn't worth his money ... and maybe he won't ... some people see it as a real luxury that they aren't willing to give up. Either way, if it comes from his designated spending money, it won't be such a stress to you any more.

Btw, I am totally with you on the % thing.
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post #27 of 28
2/9/09 at 12:32pm

Re: Another bad day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiancracker View Post
ooo what you gonna get next?

I wanted the spyder, and wish I got it but they didn't come out until a month AFTER I got my car!
Thinking about a new Lincoln Navigator. I really love how comfortable it is and how it drives. I'm thinking about test driving a Cadillac ESV also. I just don't think I will like it better than the Navigator. I have to drive a big SUV for now since we're a large family. Everyone doesn't fit but we have two cars for when we all go out together.
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post #28 of 28
2/9/09 at 1:04pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Another bad day.

^ I like nice big suv's, cars, trucks!

Take pictures if you get one ^_~!

Yea Finally jordan is now making his own coffee, I let him take our coffee machine to work and I bought another one for the house that turns on automatically in the morning...bad thing is we forgot to turn it off when we left the house...oops
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