What to do When Your Child Lies?

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

Thank you so much for this article. I'm having trouble with Kimberly telling lies ALOT. I'm going to try some of the suggestions because nothing I am doing seems to work.

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

I can usually tell when Kim is lying. She has a very active imagination and is constantly making up stories.

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

OK for the most part I agree with the article. Except for two things. 1. Don't take it personally. Ok, sure if the child is not of age to realize the difference between fantasy and reality, or if the child truly does not understand lying and telling the truth. Other than that.. yes, I take it VERY personally. That is the one thing above all else, even probably adultary that I would divorce my husband over. I do not under any circumstances want to be lied to. If my hair is a mess. Tell me. If the dress makes me look huge.. tell me. If you've done something wrong.. tell me. I will get MUCH less upset with the truth than I would with a lie ( or being let out of the house looking like a cow who slept in a pig sty).
and 2, assume the child is telling the truth. Ok, again, sure.. if the child is not known for lying. If the child or children have lied in the past, especially over a specific thing, no I am not going to assume he is telling the truth. Doing that got me and Logan in a huge battle not too long ago. He said he was doing his homework. Well.. he has straight As so I assumed he was telling the truth. Then I got his first report card this year and though yes, his grades were still As there was a note saying that one grade would have been higher had he done his homework. He was grounded for a week. And then his Nintendo DS and computer usage was taken away for 6 weeks (then down to 4 for good behavior). Not because his grade was lower than it could have been but because he had lied to us. This was not the first time. And then yesterday he lied to me twice. One was about homework one was a little fib that meant nothing, either way, he lied. He has been grounded to his room for three days. ( Though I do let him out for a break now and then) no computer and no DS for two weeks this time. He KNOWS not to lie to me. Yes I lectured him. "Don't lecture" Bull crap. He needs to know why lying is not right, he needs to know why his punishment was what it was. He is lucky I didn't spank him.
I will not be lied to and let the person get by with it. I am an extremely ( read : too) honest person. My mom calls me brutally honest. But I would rather hurt someone with the truth than to lie to them, them find out, and be hurt even more.

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

We already have been doing most of the things that they suggest on that article with no luck at all Sounds like my kids may be the "chronic habitual liars" Not how I ever wanted them to be It hurts especially when they lie to steal things

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

Lenora, I did get her a journal and she has wrote (as well as a 7 yr old can write) so great bedtime stories for Alyssa. It hasn't really helped with the lying but it sure keeps her busy!

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

Oh, and keeps me busy too spelling every other word for her!

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

THANK YOU! It's good to know I am not the only one who feels this way! Lying is the biggest NO-NO in our house. I don't care what you did, if you lie about, you are going to get MORE punishment. And the punishment for lying will be HARSH. My kids know this and i always give them 1 chance to come clean. If they don't, then they suffer the consequesces. I DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES tolerate lying. You lie to me, it will take al looonnnggg time to get my trust back. Do it again and you are OUT of my life. Obviously I can't do this with the kids, so I pretty much ignore them instead. I am there for them, but just. Until they prove to me I can trust them, they go no where, they do nothing, they get nothing. Drew spends alot of time at home!

I had a big lying problem with Ally. Her imagination is just so active! The out and out lies got Tobasco sauce on the tongue. Only took a few times before she stopped. But now she just flat makes things up. This just recently started. I have been explaining to her that making things up (like saying she knows things when she doesn't or isn't sure) is the same thing as lying. Today she started to do this, and caught herself, and changed what she was saying. I told her I was proud of her.

Drew recently took $5 out of Bill's wallet. Bill asked him about it and he denied it. When I confronted him I told him, "If you did it, you'd better tell me now. If I find our you're lying, you know what will happen." Nanoseconds passed before he admitted it. He had to call Bill (on his way to work) to apologize and will make it up to him (that is between Drew & Uncle Bill). I grounded him from the phone for 2 weeks for stealing. (Since he has a new girlfriend, this is apparently the worst thing that has ever happened to him! ) I know he has problems, but he has always known that lying is not an acceptable behavior in this house. No Excuses.

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

Got the article up to read later. Kieran, at the ripe old age of three-and-a-half years old, is lying. Little stuff, sure, that we can tell his lying about, ut it's annoying as hell!

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

I agree with Shona. I always tell Christian and Kelsey to tell me the truth even if they know they did something they weren't supposed to do because if I find out they did do it, then they will not like the consequences by any means.

I think all kids go through a making up stage or a lying stage but when you know it is just a stage you still have to correct them for that behavior.

Sure I want my child to trust me so that they can tell me what they need to. And I hope to have that relationship with them but I won't let them be bad in the process. It is a bad behavior and they know it is.

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

How I react to a lie usually depends on the situation. With Zach, for example, I'll ask him if his homework is done. If he says "yes" and I can tell he is lying (pretty easy at his age), I'll say "If I check it and it's not done, can I give you a spanking?". He almost always replies "no" and I tell him to get it done and not lie to me again. He doesn't have a really big issue with lying other than saying responsibilites are taken care of when they aren't ... usually when he wants to do something else.
With Haley on the other hand, lying has become a big issue. Sometimes I can tell she's lying and sometimes I can't ... but I can almost never prove it. I think the problem with her is that she grew up knowing that the consequences for something like that would be dealt out by her father. I haven't done a good job of dealing punishments and sticking to them ... it's hard to adjust roles.

Thanks for the article Lenora!

Re: What to do When Your Child Lies?

I also agree with Shona!
I don't need to hear any mumbo jumbo article, lol