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Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

post #1 of 16
2/13/09 at 12:49pm
Thread Starter 
Would you ever consider adopting a child? I have been trying for a while to get pregnant again, and I have come up empty handed for about a year and a half. I've always wanted a big family and if I am unable to birth anymore children , I guess this would be the next best alternative. I guess a part of me feels guilty because it wasn't my #1 choice....what do you think? Is adoption for me?
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post #2 of 16
2/13/09 at 6:00pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

First of all, don't feel guilty. I would say that most people who adopt do so because they can't conceive their own children. We have at least one adoptive parent on these boards and at least one member is an adoptee. I am sure they could shed lots of light on this for you.
As for your question about considering adoption, my answer is absolutely, yes.
My husband and I had trouble conceiving our first child. We actually went through fertility treatments and stopped for a while and had started the process of preparing to adopt. Our goal was to have a child, and we were not stuck on the idea that we had to have our biological child, and we decided to put our money toward getting a baby, rather than trying to get pregnant using fertility treatments. It's a long story, but the fertility drugs we needed were very expensive and insurance did not cover them, so we were going to adopt. Then the nurse at our fertility doctor's office found a pharmacy to donate the drugs, so we tried it and got pregnant the first month.
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post #3 of 16
2/13/09 at 6:47pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

My neighbor was told she couldn't have kids, so she stopped trying... 14 years later she was preggo... Kinda weird.

But back to adoption, Yes I think it would be a good idea. If I couldn't conceive I would def. adopt.
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post #4 of 16
2/13/09 at 8:12pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

I have 4 adopted kids, 1 biological (they said it couldn't happen!) It may not be your first choice, but why feel guilty? Would you love an adopted child as your own? That's the real question> I don't feel any different for one of my kids versus Olivia (the bio one) They are all my kids.

Good luck!
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post #5 of 16
2/14/09 at 6:51am

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

btw Dana... I'm going to be hitting you up for info once we get settled stateside
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post #6 of 16
2/14/09 at 5:07pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

Anytime Heather!
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post #7 of 16
2/14/09 at 7:41pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

If we couldn't have had children, yes, we most definitely would have adopted. We even considered adopting later if we hadn't been able to have a girl. We have five boys and I am currently pregnant with our one and only girl.
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post #8 of 16
2/15/09 at 1:32pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

Lovedove, I just realized I responded to Dana but not to you.
Yes, I think you should consider adoption, but you need to be sure that you and your husband both agree any child you adopt will be YOUR child, not your adopted child. Does that make sense? Jim and I have three natural children, all girls. But we have always known that we would adopt children someday too. We are looking into foster to adopt programs when we move back to the states, but we both agree that whatever children we adopt will be our kids too, not just our adopted kids. We are already talking to the girls about that too... that if we adopt, that child is their brother or sister, just as much as the ones they already have now. Do some research, do a lot of thinking and go for it if it is for you
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post #9 of 16
2/19/09 at 5:31pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

Thank you all for the support and advice. I guess recently I've gone over the fact of feeling "guilty", and it's really more about nerves. I'm sure any parent would be nervous about adoption, but after doing some research from the last time I've posted. I feel like I've gotten in over my head with information. There is just so much to learn about private adoption vs. foster care. I guess I'm leaning more towards foster care because private adoption seems like it will be too pricey. Plus, those are kids who are REALLY in need of a good home, some have had it so rouh already, and their just kids! Knowing that I would be helping a child in need of a loving family, I guess has taken away any guilt I had prior. I had no idea how harsh the foster care system can be.
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post #10 of 16
2/19/09 at 9:00pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

As someone who was adopted i say go for it! we had a long road getting pregnant as well and were on the path of adopting when i became pregnant with our one and only son. adopting a foster child sounds like a beautiful way to go. all the best to you and your husband on this road you are on.
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post #11 of 16
2/20/09 at 12:40pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

We've done both. My older boys were through a private agency, and our babies now are through foster to adopt. Good luck at whatever you decide, pm me if you need anything!
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post #12 of 16
2/23/09 at 12:38pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

Good luck! My SIL had a lot of problems conceiving and then staying pregnant when she finally became pregnant. She did fertility and now has 2 beautiful, healthy twin girls. It was a long hard road for her though but the end result was great. Keep the faith. Have you thought about doing fertility?

FWIW, I would have adopted if I could not have conceived, I probably would have gone the fertility route first though?

Best of luck to you, hugs.
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post #13 of 16
2/26/09 at 4:54am

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

I've also had family members unable to conceive. My aunt was telling me the story of when she was first trying, it just wasn't working. They visited the doctor many times and no luck. She started eating very healthy & kept particular close attention to her intake of fruits & vegetables. Eventually, she was able to have a child. Not saying it was due to that, but she did start taking very good care of herself. You never know, in a few years, you may be able to have a child!
But for now, have faith & I believe you'd be doing a wonderful service by adopting a child. I was thinking of doing the same after having 2 kids. I think it would be of great service to adopt an orphan personally. Those poor kids deserve attention.
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post #14 of 16
2/27/09 at 7:31pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

Oh boy! This is going to be a good movie..even though I think I might be a little partial to it because I read the book lol Has anyone else read America or any books by E.R Frank? Well...I'll be watching tomorrow...heres another link I found with interviews of the cast members I was just watching http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPt1ZMr_308
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post #15 of 16
3/1/09 at 6:28pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

Thank you guys for all the feedback ! It was like getting a much needed boost of self esteem! I also wanted to comment about the movie you guys posted about. I saw it last night and thought it was pretty good, mainly because of the overall message. There should be more movies like this out there, so people can be more aware of the problems going on in the foster care system. Did anyone else get around to watching it? If so I would love to hear your opinions.
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post #16 of 16
8/11/10 at 6:02pm

Re: Help!Cant Conceive...should I adopt?

Yes Adopt. I think highly of people who adopt and give children good homes. It does not matter if you had the kid or not, you love them just the same.
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