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I've heard some stupid things but....

post #1 of 19
2/19/09 at 12:34pm
Thread Starter 
Grandparents as GODPARENTS???????

the MIL was over Monday night and I guess they were discussing who would be Stuarts. The MIL told DH that if we were desperate she would like to do it. UM NO! GRANDPARENTS ARE NOT GODPARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! So then she suggested SFIL since he's not technically Kev's dad. UM NO!!!!!

We aren't nor weren't desperate. we just never really sat down and talked about it. So I guess we must have been desperate since we didn't have them chosen when he was born.

Have I mentioned lately how much I Love my MIL?????

and I get the joy of her presence this evening.
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post #2 of 19
2/19/09 at 1:36pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

Just a thought..... but shouldn't that be the parent's decision - not the GRANDPARENTs?

Good luck tonight!
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post #3 of 19
2/19/09 at 1:39pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

what the.... um no...

I already picked my godparents. The Maid of honor at my wedding and the best man!
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post #4 of 19
2/19/09 at 3:25pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

I agree with Kim that it's up to the parents', not the grandparents.
How do you define Godparents, though? Here, we think of it as who the kids would "go to" or live with if something happened to the parents. In that case, Kyle's grandparents were his Godparents. But if Godparents doesn't mean that to you, I can see why this seems bizzare.
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post #5 of 19
2/19/09 at 4:03pm
Thread Starter 

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

I agree with your definition of Godparents (although with more included) - However I just think that Grandparents already have a unique "responsibility" that to be godparents too is odd.

My kids all have different godparents (for the most part) and if something were to happen to Kev & I I DO NOT want them all split up - which is why we have a will to determine that.
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post #6 of 19
2/19/09 at 5:58pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

None of my kids have godparents. They do have (the same) custodian named in our will though.
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post #7 of 19
2/19/09 at 9:57pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

We can't find anyone to take all of ours. My parents will take them, if anything were to happen I guess.
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post #8 of 19
2/19/09 at 10:06pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

My kids don't have godparents either, Abby. However, if something were to happen to the both of us, they would live with dh's brother and his family.
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post #9 of 19
2/19/09 at 10:09pm
Thread Starter 

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

Godparents main job is to help with the spiritual guidance / growth of them.
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post #10 of 19
2/20/09 at 9:41am

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

Quote:
Originally Posted by DQKaren View Post
Godparents main job is to help with the spiritual guidance / growth of them.
See, for us, that is not how we define Godparents at all. To me, everyone we are closest to fulfills the role you just described. We choose to be close to people with the same values as ours, that way our kids are surrounded by people who will be good role models and can help us to guide them spirtually.
And it's funny we are discussing this because I was thinking last night about who influenced me the most (spiritually) when I was growing up, and it was my grandparents. But to me, that is a role grandparents' play.
It just comes down to how you define "Godparent" and what role you believe they play in your kids' lives.
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post #11 of 19
2/20/09 at 12:49pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

I would say that if no one else wanted to be godparents then it would be ok for grandparents to be an option to take them if anything happened. I know if I had kids I would prefer either close friends or siblings to take them.

I am in a situation where I have never been asked to be a godparent. I was kind of hurt when my siblings with kids decided they would each be godparents to each others' kids. So if anything happened to my sister and bil my niece and nephew would go live in GA with my bro and his family...and vice versa. What the????????? I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN, CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN AND THEY LEFT ME AND STEVE OUT!!!!!!!!!!! I hope nothing ever happens to my siblings and my in-laws though.
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post #12 of 19
2/20/09 at 1:33pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

I don't know why they left you out, Cheryl. Because you and Steve are wonderful caring people. For us, it was a financial decision as much as anything. The person we picked for guardian is very financially stable. Also, we felt he could deal best with the issue of my crazy family. Mental stability was also a concern for us. You and Steve are mentally and financially stable (as well as anyone is these days) so I don't know why they made the decisions they did.
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post #13 of 19
2/20/09 at 1:35pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

Cheryl, if you ever live close to me, you can be my kids godmother. They don't even have a close auntie or grandma nearby to talk to when they don't want to talk to us.
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post #14 of 19
2/20/09 at 1:40pm
Thread Starter 

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

Ok - I found this to clarify- since I am not good at explaining anything.

Quote:
The custom of having witnesses or sponsors (sponsors are also called godparents) is neither commanded or forbidden in the Bible. The Bible does not speak to this issue. So making use of baptismal sponsors (godparents) or baptismal witnesses is not necessary and not essential for a valid baptism. So you have lots of freedom in this matter. But you are correct in noting that customarily or traditionally there are distinctions between "witnesses" and "sponsors/godparents." The important thing is to make sure the person you are asking to serve a certain purpose is able and qualified to fulfill that purpose.

A "witness" is asked to be present, to pay attention, to make sure water is applied in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and (perhaps) to write or print his signature on a baptismal certificate that can be kept by the baptized person. The person simply witnesses and can testify that the baptism took place. In perhaps the majority of cases, witnesses are cherished family members or friends who may not share the same doctrinal confession of the parents and family, but remain qualified to be witnesses.

A sponsor or godparent, however, in addition to being a witness and signing the certificate, normally is asked to serve more religious or spiritual purposes for the baptized person. Typical among these is to keep the child in his prayers, give assistance as needed or wanted by the parents in the spiritual rearing of the child to maturity, and play an active role in encouraging the child in his faith-life. To really be qualified for these tasks, the sponsor should be a Christian, share the same doctrinal confession of the parents, and then able to give the same kind of active encouragement to the child that the parents would without violating conscience.

There was a time when sponsors were also those designated to take over the rearing of a child in the event of the death or prolonged absence of the parents. But now that designation should be clearly stated in the parents' will and interested, extended family members informed of the fact.
(taken from our WELS website)
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post #15 of 19
2/24/09 at 2:33am

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

My kids have guardians (my best friend and her DH) and Godparents (roomie Bill and Rick's younger sister). Both are stated in my will, so will be no problems. I refuse to allow either set of grandparents to have the kids. They raised their kids already.
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post #16 of 19
2/24/09 at 3:20am

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

Logan has unofficial godparents in close friends of our

his guardian is my brother and sil. they are financially stable and have two young children.

although we have yet to put this in writing
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post #17 of 19
2/24/09 at 10:15am

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

My kids don't have Godparents. I never did as a child and never understood exactly what the point was. If I die, they will go live with their father. If somehow we both die they would live with Grandparents. I always just thought it was an unspoken understanding in families with young children.
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post #18 of 19
2/24/09 at 1:31pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

Elaine...it is not unspoken. You should hae it written in your will if those are your wishes. Also if you were to die and the fathers did not want your family to see the children they may be able to keep them from seeing them. My parents friends are going through this right now. Their daughter died leaving a sil and a granddaughter. He remarried and they don't want the grandparents to see the granddaughter anymore. They are suing for grandparent's rights. Fortunately, the parent's live in one of a few states that actually recognize these rights--sorry to threadjack. The grandparents have spent a lot of money travelling across the country to do this but if money was a question they wouldn't be able to pursue it.
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post #19 of 19
2/24/09 at 1:45pm

Re: I've heard some stupid things but....

As for godparents...it depends on the religion too I think and the traditions. In my religion I didn't choose godparents but like Karen quoted I did participate in a dedication ceremony where I presented my children to my congregation and family and friends and asked for help (if they were like minded in my faith) in raising my children. The ceremony is quick and done with my pastor before the congregation.

The quick as I could I named a custodian for them in my will giving explicit wishes for how we would like the children to be raised spiritually, educationally and morally. I included names of clergy that could be contacted with questions, etc. Attached to the will is a personal letter I wrote to the custodian (that I should update) with pertinant information about schooling and church etc.

Our will has what is called a "catastrophy clause" First everything goes the spouse then the children to my parents and they become beneficiaries and everything is in trust for the kids. Then b/c we travel a lot together we included a catastrophy clause in case we all died together--I'm so cheerful....then my single 40 something, male cousin gets the kids, my house, my cars, and all of our life insurance policies...same with my parent's house, cars and policies since I am an only child as is he. I avoided godparents b/c I didn't want to muddy the waters with the will thing.
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