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How would you feel about this?

post #1 of 10
3/1/09 at 11:52am
Thread Starter 
Say your ex is seeing a woman who has children and your young child spends a lot of time around them. It's a long term relationship but they are not married and your child is being encouraged to call the other woman's child/children, "brother" or "sister".
Now suppose your ex and this woman also share a child that IS your child's sibling. Does that change the way you would want your child to refer to the other children in the family?
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post #2 of 10
3/1/09 at 2:25pm

Re: How would you feel about this?

If he wants them to call her children 'brother' or 'sister' then he should marry her. Until then I wouldn't be comfortable with it because he could break it off with her and then what are they supposed to think(or feel).
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post #3 of 10
3/1/09 at 2:46pm

Re: How would you feel about this?

I agree with Tara.
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post #4 of 10
3/1/09 at 2:59pm

Re: How would you feel about this?

I also agree with Tara...
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post #5 of 10
3/2/09 at 12:30am

Re: How would you feel about this?

As Tara said,

Quote:
If he wants them to call her children 'brother' or 'sister' then he should marry her.
As for the one that actually is her sibling, she should be called sister/brother.

When the kids are older then you start explaining how her sister has other children that live with her but they are her sisters siblings not her siblings.

And to anyone in that situation, good luck with those explanations. Still these days blended/melded/step families are more often thean not the 'normal' among her peers.

I know my kids have told me that out of their entire circle of friends there is only one other boy whose parents are still together, which makes our kids a minority.
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post #6 of 10
3/2/09 at 2:52am

Re: How would you feel about this?

How long have they been living together? I might not feel comfortable with it. You can ask they not expect your dd to call the older siblings brother and sister, but that may be one you have to let go as you can't control what goes on in their house.
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post #7 of 10
3/2/09 at 9:10am

Re: How would you feel about this?

I'm with Tara as well.
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post #8 of 10
3/2/09 at 11:38am

Re: How would you feel about this?

Oh Elaine I feel for you. This is so confusing especially for the little ones. From the simple perspective is to discuss this with the ex and the 2 of you come up with an agreement regarding details of what she is to call her future step siblings. My approuch would be to inform him this is out of respect for the 2 of you being her parents and her actual siblings. Perhaps he's thinking that he going to raise them all as one family regardless of they get married or not. Still the same applies respect for her actual family....
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post #9 of 10
3/17/09 at 4:05pm

Re: How would you feel about this?

You cant force your kids to connect with your significant other's kids. Even if you are married you need to give your kids time and let them take that step on their own.
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post #10 of 10
3/17/09 at 9:05pm

Re: How would you feel about this?

They are NOT her siblings and she shouldn't be forced to call them that.
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