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Need to Put My Thoughts Down

post #1 of 22
2/4/10 at 12:08pm
Thread Starter 
I have a friend that I had a few issues with last year. She went onto befriend another while we were having our dispute.

Her and the girl she befriended got into a dispute, the next day I had a email that basically said she was sorry, and the adult thing to do was put the past in the past.

We talked here and there about things, but as you can guess the friendship had changed. She played in a softball tournament where she met up with a friend of ours sister-in-law, they started talking and now they are the best a friends and now she has once again decided to not talk to me at all. If I do message her about something, her anwsers are short and sweet, if she responds at all.

Ladies I am tired of being the fall back on with her, it is what I am feeling like I am. She burns bridges over the smallest thing, but she knows I am the kind of person that will gladly accept a friend back into my life.

The worst feeling is, I am tired of being by myself. I honesly have no "best" friend. Yes I have friends, and I have one friend that I have known basically all of my life, but I am a mom know and she is still living the single life and playing house with her boyfriend, so she does not want to be hanging around with an old married mom. Wich I can totally understand.

But I have no friend that I can call up and talk to on the phone about my problems, go out on a Saturday afternoon and window shop and grab lunch, no friend that I can have over for dinners with her signiffant other.

I mean yes I have Shane, and he is wonderful and I can talk to him about anything and everything, and I do. But with female stuff and mom stuff, he tries to understand and gives me advice, but he is not a women.

How can I find that one person that I can become close to this late in life? If anyone had any advice I would sure appreciate it.

Thanks in advanced.
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post #2 of 22
2/4/10 at 12:32pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Stacy, I am like you I would accept any friendship small or huge. I let her fall on me when she needs too because that is what friends do. Question for you? Join any Mommy and me groups, so you can get to know other moms that are like you. Might find a true friend in that group. I am like you where I live I have no one. My Mom leads her own life and I see her when it is convient for her. Having my friend Barbie come see me was a treat it is the first time I did anything in this town. I had fun. Anyone can tell you, you can always call me and I will listen to you and talk with you anytime anyday. Just call me Home number is 812-590-3340 and cell is 402-690-4597. I am always here for you. I think you are a special lady and I find you are rare to find. Love ya Stacy. :Ghug:
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post #3 of 22
2/4/10 at 12:39pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Thanks Annie! I saved your numbers to my phone, I may just take you up on your offer!

Mommy and Me classes, is that something I just type into a search that will pop up?
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post #4 of 22
2/4/10 at 12:54pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Stacy,
This may sound bad. But I'd let her go. I have a "friend" like that. When she decides to come back, I don't go out of my way anymore. If I have time, yes I'll go away. But I'm not going to make time for someone who I feel is only using me when no one better is around. I still have her on facebook but I just don't go out of my way. Truthfully it is just to hurtful.

But I felt the same way you did after I had kids. None of my friends had kid and we sorta just stopped hanging out. It was fine because our lives were different. It just hurt. But the last two years I have found the most amazing friends. My kids are friends with their kids. The wives all go away together and our husbands have become best friends. So we go away with our kids and without. We aren't friends simply because of our kids, our husbands or the wives. We all simply love to be together whatever the situation. We go camping, to the movies, to the bar, have bonfires, or simply just meet at someone's house and play games.
It will come! It just stinks til you find those friends :-(

Hang in there!
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post #5 of 22
2/4/10 at 1:09pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Wendy, it is very hurtful, esp. when Shane and her husband are really close friends and how I love her kids to death. I look back at all the time we spent together, going through pregnancies together, and it sucks.

I hope I find friendships like you have found. I was worried about how Shane would fit into the picture with new found friends, but he will talk and befriend anyone.

I am truly trying to hang in there.
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post #6 of 22
2/4/10 at 1:56pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

I agree with the other ladies. It IS hard when life changes and it is harder to connect with old friends and also hard to find new friends that have common interests. Before I got pregnant I just tried to go to different functions that I was invited to but wouldn't have normally gone to because it was either out of my comfort zone or was something I wasn't that interested in or people that I didn't know very well. I went to a lot of alumni get togethers with friends from HS that have joined up together on FB and stuff like that. Otherwise, I would try a new hobby and join a group to make some new friends. A mommy and me class is a great idea. Our area also has a Mommy and baby stroller/walking group that I was thinking about joining. You may look around in your area. Try Craigslist under classes or activities
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post #7 of 22
2/4/10 at 3:10pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

I was gonna say a mommy and me class too!

I would let her go as a friend, she isn't a true friend if she is going to treat you like that. Once I had my baby I lost a few friends but those weren't true friends so it didn't bother me. I am glad I have the friends I have now because it is hard to find people with the same interest (cars) but I have a lot of female friends that are mommies!

Maybe check out play grounds in ur area too and try to make buddies with the other mommies, all mommies need a mommy buddy LOL.

Good luck !
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post #8 of 22
2/4/10 at 3:15pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

I agree with the girls. I wouldn't worry about her at all anymore. I have a few "friends" like that who are "friendly" when it's convenient. I am polite, but that's about it. I do not go out of my way for them.
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post #9 of 22
2/4/10 at 3:33pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Hey Stacy-

I don't have any "real life" girlfriends to hang out with. Haven't since HS. Our life choices led us in different directions and Honestly I haven't even talked to most of them since I was pregnant with Katie (and she's 5 now) I just recently had one of my best friends from HS find me on FB but we still don't talk.

My life is so different than what my HS friends were and when I moved (when I got married) I poored myself into the stores and have been doing that for ages.

I don't go out with any girlfriends - when I tried to be friends with my Bro's wife when Lyssie was little all I got was "can't you leave her at home?" " No sorry - I'm a mom and she comes first when my DH is working."

Do I miss not having any "real" friends - Sure every now and then. But I tend to take up something new and I have so many girls I can chat with online or I chat with the other moms at dance but I don't ever hang out with them outside of that.
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post #10 of 22
2/4/10 at 4:10pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Stacey, I think you can already see that must of us now how you are feeling. I have some really wonderful friends, but none of them are local. I do miss that, because sometimes I would love to go out for a coffee, dinner, movie etc... with a girl friend and not Jim.
I have cycled through friends with every move, so I do know how hard it is to make new friends as adults. That was what led me to BBU way back in the day, I was lonely and Shona sent me the link. Thank God for the old BBU, it got me through several deployments with no friends and no Jim.
I have to admit I haven't really made an effort to make friends here, seems like a lot of work when I have so many friends who I love... I am looking at trying the local quilting guild or some such thing.

Do you like to Read? If so your local library may have a book club you could join (these would be adult friends...).
Playgroups are a wonderful thing to check out, I don't know how many Mommy and Me and MOPS programs are in the evenings though and you work Full Time I think.
You could also look at maybe taking a class at your local extension office or community college. They sometimes offer cooking, gardening, computer etc classes for no credit. They are just for fun and might be a way to learn something new and or make a friend or two.
Church can sometimes be a good place to find friends, if its a good church and you find the real people versus the fake ones.

Just remember that although it can be hard to not have RL friends, you do have many friends here and online. We can't go out to eat with you, but we do love you.

As for the "friend", I would just let it go. If she calls and wants to do something and you aren't busy go do it... But no more favors, or bending over backwards to make her like you or her life easier... She just isn't worth it.
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post #11 of 22
2/4/10 at 4:11pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Stacey, I think you can already see that must of us now how you are feeling. I have some really wonderful friends, but none of them are local. I do miss that, because sometimes I would love to go out for a coffee, dinner, movie etc... with a girl friend and not Jim.
I have cycled through friends with every move, so I do know how hard it is to make new friends as adults. That was what led me to BBU way back in the day, I was lonely and Shona sent me the link. Thank God for the old BBU, it got me through several deployments with no friends and no Jim.
I have to admit I haven't really made an effort to make friends here, seems like a lot of work when I have so many friends who I love... I am looking at trying the local quilting guild or some such thing.

Do you like to Read? If so your local library may have a book club you could join (these would be adult friends...).
Playgroups are a wonderful thing to check out, I don't know how many Mommy and Me and MOPS programs are in the evenings though and you work Full Time I think.
You could also look at maybe taking a class at your local extension office or community college. They sometimes offer cooking, gardening, computer etc classes for no credit. They are just for fun and might be a way to learn something new and or make a friend or two.
Church can sometimes be a good place to find friends, if its a good church and you find the real people versus the fake ones.

Just remember that although it can be hard to not have RL friends, you do have many friends here and online. We can't go out to eat with you, but we do love you.

As for the "friend", I would just let it go. If she calls and wants to do something and you aren't busy go do it... But no more favors, or bending over backwards to make her like you or her life easier... She just isn't worth it.
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post #12 of 22
2/4/10 at 5:58pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Thanks ladies, I am glad that I have you guys to talk to!

I looked online eariler to see if there were mommy and me classes available, and it popped up with a few places. I am going to call them either today or tomorrow to see if they do infact offer them (bc you never really know about online info anymore) and see when they offer them.

I didn't think of the book clubs or the classes. I have thought about church, I was going to talk to my step-mother-in-law about the issue also since she would (like you guys) have an open opinion about things. I just hate to burdden her with my probs. I would talk to my mom, but she takes thing to close to hart and would worry and she dont need the added stress.

I am going to look about the class thing. I did see something on our community bulletin board that Hobby Lobby was doing a class on a Cookie Bouquet(sp) but it is from 9-12 on Wed. but I am sure the college or something would have something on the weekends since they are aware that most of us do work though the week.

Thanks again ladies. I knew I could count on you all to help me out.

*HuGs*
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post #13 of 22
2/4/10 at 6:52pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Wow what great ideas from everyone. My BU sisters will always be my sisters that is how strong I feel about this group. I remember spending time on the phone with Wendy, Meagan, Karen now and then, Kimmer now and then. Michele, Dawn and Shona now and then too. Wendy and I were glued to the phone now and then and sometimes we did have lunch together. I like that you are checking things out. Hope you are able to find something for you. Your a wonderful person and people like you are rare to find. Love ya.
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post #14 of 22
2/4/10 at 10:11pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Annie - I don't think I ever chatted on the phone - I think we only chatted by Yahoo chat.....
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post #15 of 22
2/4/10 at 10:13pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

I'm so glad that all of the ladies have had such wonderful advice for you. My only imput is that they are right! It is amazing the friends that you can make when you get out and join a few groups. i met some great new friends at swim lessons, as well as when school started i rekindled some old aquaintances as well as made a great new friend! I have never really had a 'best' friend just tons of aquaintances.... i hope you can find that person that you have a great click with!
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post #16 of 22
2/4/10 at 11:11pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Karen you might be right. Sorry if I said a bad thing.
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post #17 of 22
2/5/10 at 12:59am

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

I don't have any RL friends either. Thank goodness for baby U, it has kept me sane through these hard years of living in WV. I doubt I will ever make a friend here. I was not born here and don't have five generations of family who lived here before me. As stupid as this sounds, my family fought on the northern side in the Civil War and that is a problem too. I am much more educated than the non university women and I am a military veteran which scratches the university women out too. They don't want to hang out with a vet. I have tried church and clubs, but I am just not going to fit in here no matter what. I have given up. Friendless it is then. I hope to move back out west soon.
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post #18 of 22
2/5/10 at 10:27am

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Gosh BBU was a huge blessing to all of us back then. I remember we had one day where everyone called everyone. It was hilarious.

Seriously though I didn't make the friends I have now til Christian was in 1st grade. Then I did something i swore I would never and I joined PTO *gasp* Seriously I made the most amazing friends there. I don't think there is a weekend that goes by that we aren't together.
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post #19 of 22
2/5/10 at 11:04am

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

I had one friend growing up ... we were inseperable from the time I was 12 until I moved away 4 years ago. It's hard to make new friends as an adult and sometimes I miss Stacy (my bff) very much.
I have a few girls at work that I call my "friends" and we get along great ... but it's only at work. There isn't anyone that I can call up and say "Wanna go to the mall?". It gets lonely.

BTW, we really do need to get together ... it seems quite crazy that we live 20 mins apart and have yet to meet.
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post #20 of 22
2/5/10 at 1:28pm

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

My bestfriend is a guy LOL. I have to talk to him at least once a day or I get all blah and of course I worry about him.

BU has given me the opportunity to meet a lot of great women!! I am so happy I ventured over here.
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post #21 of 22
2/8/10 at 12:28pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Ladies I think you all so much for all of your advice!!

I was very excited Saturday when Logan and I got up from our nap when Shane said that my friend Darcy called and asked what we were doing that evening.

She gave us a toddler bed for Logan, but they didn't want us to just come over and pick up the bed but to have dinner as well as let the boys play together (her little one just turned 3)

We had a good evening together, Shane and Jay(her husband) have been friends for a while, that is how Darcy and I met, just never really hung out together before.

I took your advice and looked online about playgroups. It came up about 10 places within 5-10 miles of me had some offered, I am going to call first just to make sure the information I found online is accurate.

I also went online to see about workshops offered by our two colleges that are close by, no such luck there. All they really offer are things like computer classes for word, excel, etc. It wouldn't be too bad if I didn't already take thoes same classes when I got my degree.

Hobby Lobby offeres different classes but they are all offered through the week in the morning. I am still going to look around. The gardening classes really interest me bc I LOVE working with flowers and things out in my yard, I think they will be offered more toward spring if anyone around here offeres them.
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post #22 of 22
2/9/10 at 12:33am

Re: Need to Put My Thoughts Down

Stacy this is all great and I am so happy for you. Sorry I never got around to call you this weekend. I had a bad weekend.
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