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Need help!

post #1 of 5
2/7/10 at 1:53pm
Thread Starter 
Okay some of you may know that I'm not christian in any way shape or form. I got this message from Jaedyn's father:

"I just want to let you know that what you think is ok in your house isn't always ok here at my house. This morning she got frustrated with one of her toys and she said "Jesus" in vein which is not allowed in my home and every time she uses it in vein she will be reprimanded. I would think that you wouldn't want her expressing her frustration like that simply because if you take her somewhere out in public and she gets upset, uses that expression and people would look at you like you were a bad parent. In my opinion a child should not be talking like that. You teach her whatever you want but I will not condone that language in my house."

My response has been, it's okay to educate her about religion but because she's going to receive conflicting information in regards to the word jesus I believe he should back off. Remember she's only 3 years old and in her primary home in which she spends a majority of her time, everyone says it. In addition from my perspective she should never fear saying the word jesus is going to cause her reprimandation or issues in life. He's imposing he believe in an attempt to control her and it's going to come unraveled when she gets home. I'm pretty set in my ways on this subject as I would like to hear from all of the ladies here on your thoughts and opinions. Thank you.
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post #2 of 5
2/7/10 at 2:57pm

Re: Need help!

That is a tough one ... on a lot of different levels. I do consider myself a Christian but "Jesus" Or "GD" still come out of my mouth and my children have repeated it. There is a slight twinge of guilt when it happens but not something I reprimand because I believe that change has to come from me ... If i don't want my children doing or saying certain things, I better not be saying them either.
Now religion aside, I teach my children to respect the rules of both houses they live in but I leave the decision on how to deal with breaking the rules up to the parent who's house they are in with the trust that it would never be harsher than appropriate.
Now my question is, does your ex allow words such as "shoot" or "dang"? Because if he does, than he has no ground to stand on (In asking you to help enforce his rule) as the word "Jesus" in your home carries no more meaning. Explaining that to a three year old is next to impossible but as she gets older, she'll understand why certain things are acceptable in your home vs his and she can make her own decisions regarding religion.
I would reply to your ex stating that you are fine with him enforcing the rules of his house (in an age appropriate manner) but that in your house you won't be reprimanding for the same behavior as the belief system is not the same.
I would rather have a few people look at me as a "bad parent" than my children look at me as a hypocrite.
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post #3 of 5
2/7/10 at 3:14pm

Re: Need help!

I have a feeling my opinion as a non believer would not be publicly acceptable, so I PMed you. I don't know where he gets off considering how he's treated you and Jayden. Obviously, the mirrors don't show much at his house, because I see an A grade hypocrite and prick with no room to bad mouth anyone else let alone you. sorry, I remember he was mean to you and I don't have much use for this self righteous
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post #4 of 5
2/7/10 at 3:47pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Need help!

Both of you have very goods points and thank you! Elaine you are absolutly right in regards to his hypocritical ignorant religious antics. He's has cursed me in almost every single email he has sent. Why would I help him enforce something that he's not practicing himself? She will make up her own when she's older. She will learn the boundries.
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post #5 of 5
2/8/10 at 11:20am

Re: Need help!

Hey Karen,
I think that Elaine said it best. I am right there with her... I try not to swear at all in front of my kids, but it does slip out. To include Jesus (although generally much worse I will say). If my girls say the words that I say I do tell them they aren't nice words and they shouldn't be repeated. The only one of my kids to actually get punished for swearing is Tessa because she is old enough to know exactly what she is saying. Even that though, I think she has only said a swear word (**** to be exact) once or twice since she has been old enough to really know what it means. The younger girls just get told that sometimes grown ups say words they shouldn't when they are frustrated or angry, and they are not nice things to say. We should not say it, and they should not copy it. But they don't get into trouble beyond that.

I'm with Elaine, your house your rules, his house his rules... but to really punish a 3 year old for saying something like Jesus is crazy, she's a parrot and is going to repeat things she hears whether good or bad.
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