LEARN HOW TO TRANSFORM BITTERNESS INTO BLESSING
By Holly Owens
Not long ago, my husband, an associate pastor, received an email from an elder vehemently criticizing that week’s service and, indirectly, my husband. The elder forwarded this email to everyone on staff to make his point. Although the many positive and enthusiastic emails for that week far outweighed that one negative correspondence, this hurtful one stuck to me like glue. I wouldn’t let the subject, or my husband, rest. I spewed back my opinion and ardently defended my husband to an invisible jury. Finally, I wallowed in grief about how cruel the ministry can be.
I know I am not alone. Every woman in ministry has similar stories to tell, both encouraging and disheartening, of when the church body has brought either unimaginable joy or monstrous grief to her doorstep. We have spent unredeemable hours commiserating with one another, unknowingly allowing bitterness to envelop us.
Over time, I began to sense my husband’s frustration with my complaining. He wanted me to be honest, but he pointed out that all I ever seemed to do was grumble about the ministry. Where was my joy? I realized that bitterness was beginning to affect my attitude as well as taint my spouse’s attitude toward ministry. My home had become more of a battlefield than a haven, and I was furiously fanning the fire of negativity.
Spending time in God’s Word convicted and directed me. As I read about the early Christians in the New Testament and the instructions written to them, I discovered a model to follow in my own life. By following their example in three specific areas, I have become better equipped to battle the enemy of negativity that always gives birth to bitterness. First, I realized that I must not be disappointed and defeated when conflict arises. Rather, as a Christian, I should expect it. The Apostle Peter reminds us, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you” (1 Pet. 4:12 NIV). First century Christians were reminded constantly that trouble and conflict were inevitable because of the devil’s power and the ravages of human sin. This is just as true for us today.
If we are honest with ourselves, many of us secretly believe that becoming a Christian means being spared from suffering. Not only is this unscriptural, but when difficulties do occur, we suffer disappointment, discouragement, and self-pity that make us weaker for battle. According to Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones, minister at Westminster Chapel in London in the mid-twentieth century, “As Christians we should never feel sorry for ourselves. It matters not what our position may be, or what may be happening to us, we must never feel sorry for ourselves. The moment we do so, we lose our energy, we lose the will to fight, and the will to live, and are paralyzed.”
How many women in ministry have suffered despondency and depression because they thought they would be spared from problems? If we live by what Scripture says, we will not be surprised when the flaming arrows of criticism, both deserved and undeserved, strike. Acknowledging that trouble will come puts us on the offensive, not the defensive. The good news is that if we are prepared, then we are strengthened to withstand conflict and will not surrender as easily to negative, discouraging thoughts that destroy our spirit. Remembering that God has already won the war gives us the confidence we need to continue to fight the individual battles.
Secondly, “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame” (Prov. 18:13 NIV). Not only do negative thoughts creep quietly in when we least expect them, but they enter like a flood when we are too quick to open our mouths. I am just beginning to master the art of remaining silent when presented with the latest church scenario. The times when I have literally closed my lips and opened my ears have resulted in blessing every time. I gathered the facts sooner and sometimes saw a side I wouldn’t have otherwise seen. Instead of being quick to defend my husband, myself, or a decision, I have remained prayerfully quiet and sought wisdom before speaking.
James, in his letter to the early Christians, instructed them to practice this art of listening first. “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (Jas.1:19-20 NIV). I have also learned the value of not begging for details. I have even been known to stop informants before they finish. The drama at the church and between individual Christians is rarely my business, and usually I can do nothing about it except let the story fester in my imagination.
Finally, any bitterness we harbor will begin to dissolve when we start living as though every day in the ministry is a privilege rather than a burden. This is simply taking on the attitude of the first century Christians in the churches in Macedonia. The Apostle Paul writes, “Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. They urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints” (2 Cor. 8:2-4 NIV).
Although the Macedonians faced a struggle financially, they were still more than eager to give to the church. In fact, they practically begged the church to allow them to serve God despite their limitations. The Macedonians considered following Christ a privilege no matter what the cost. How many of us allow this attitude of gratitude to guide our Christian service despite our circumstances or how others have treated us?
We must deliberately remind ourselves that serving Christ is a privilege, especially before we experience criticism and conflict. Only then will we be in a position to praise. William Law, an English clergyman in the eighteenth century, said, “If anyone could tell you the shortest, surest way to all happiness and perfection he must tell you to make it a rule to yourself to thank and praise God for everything that happens to you. For it is certain that whatever seeming calamity happens to you, if you thank and praise God for it, you turn it into a blessing...”
To foster the habit of praising God in all situations, I thank God daily for the opportunity to serve Him. I share with others that I consider ministry an awesome privilege. No matter what position one has in the church and no matter what trials we will encounter, we are all the priesthood of believers and can praise God for calling us into His glorious service.
Like the believers in the early church, we must position ourselves to be ready for trials, listen to the facts before we speak, and celebrate the privilege of serving Christ in plenty and in want. The first-century Christians knew that the battle has already been won in Christ. As 21st century Christians, we have their example so that we can live the life of blessing that the ministry gives to all who serve Christ.
Holly Owens is a ministry wife and former director of Christian education. She and her husband, Davies, have two small children and reside in Atlanta, Ga.
http://www.justbetweenus.org/12_01/bitterness.html
By Holly Owens
Not long ago, my husband, an associate pastor, received an email from an elder vehemently criticizing that week’s service and, indirectly, my husband. The elder forwarded this email to everyone on staff to make his point. Although the many positive and enthusiastic emails for that week far outweighed that one negative correspondence, this hurtful one stuck to me like glue. I wouldn’t let the subject, or my husband, rest. I spewed back my opinion and ardently defended my husband to an invisible jury. Finally, I wallowed in grief about how cruel the ministry can be.
I know I am not alone. Every woman in ministry has similar stories to tell, both encouraging and disheartening, of when the church body has brought either unimaginable joy or monstrous grief to her doorstep. We have spent unredeemable hours commiserating with one another, unknowingly allowing bitterness to envelop us.
Over time, I began to sense my husband’s frustration with my complaining. He wanted me to be honest, but he pointed out that all I ever seemed to do was grumble about the ministry. Where was my joy? I realized that bitterness was beginning to affect my attitude as well as taint my spouse’s attitude toward ministry. My home had become more of a battlefield than a haven, and I was furiously fanning the fire of negativity.
Spending time in God’s Word convicted and directed me. As I read about the early Christians in the New Testament and the instructions written to them, I discovered a model to follow in my own life. By following their example in three specific areas, I have become better equipped to battle the enemy of negativity that always gives birth to bitterness. First, I realized that I must not be disappointed and defeated when conflict arises. Rather, as a Christian, I should expect it. The Apostle Peter reminds us, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you” (1 Pet. 4:12 NIV). First century Christians were reminded constantly that trouble and conflict were inevitable because of the devil’s power and the ravages of human sin. This is just as true for us today.
If we are honest with ourselves, many of us secretly believe that becoming a Christian means being spared from suffering. Not only is this unscriptural, but when difficulties do occur, we suffer disappointment, discouragement, and self-pity that make us weaker for battle. According to Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones, minister at Westminster Chapel in London in the mid-twentieth century, “As Christians we should never feel sorry for ourselves. It matters not what our position may be, or what may be happening to us, we must never feel sorry for ourselves. The moment we do so, we lose our energy, we lose the will to fight, and the will to live, and are paralyzed.”
How many women in ministry have suffered despondency and depression because they thought they would be spared from problems? If we live by what Scripture says, we will not be surprised when the flaming arrows of criticism, both deserved and undeserved, strike. Acknowledging that trouble will come puts us on the offensive, not the defensive. The good news is that if we are prepared, then we are strengthened to withstand conflict and will not surrender as easily to negative, discouraging thoughts that destroy our spirit. Remembering that God has already won the war gives us the confidence we need to continue to fight the individual battles.
Secondly, “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame” (Prov. 18:13 NIV). Not only do negative thoughts creep quietly in when we least expect them, but they enter like a flood when we are too quick to open our mouths. I am just beginning to master the art of remaining silent when presented with the latest church scenario. The times when I have literally closed my lips and opened my ears have resulted in blessing every time. I gathered the facts sooner and sometimes saw a side I wouldn’t have otherwise seen. Instead of being quick to defend my husband, myself, or a decision, I have remained prayerfully quiet and sought wisdom before speaking.
James, in his letter to the early Christians, instructed them to practice this art of listening first. “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (Jas.1:19-20 NIV). I have also learned the value of not begging for details. I have even been known to stop informants before they finish. The drama at the church and between individual Christians is rarely my business, and usually I can do nothing about it except let the story fester in my imagination.
Finally, any bitterness we harbor will begin to dissolve when we start living as though every day in the ministry is a privilege rather than a burden. This is simply taking on the attitude of the first century Christians in the churches in Macedonia. The Apostle Paul writes, “Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. They urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints” (2 Cor. 8:2-4 NIV).
Although the Macedonians faced a struggle financially, they were still more than eager to give to the church. In fact, they practically begged the church to allow them to serve God despite their limitations. The Macedonians considered following Christ a privilege no matter what the cost. How many of us allow this attitude of gratitude to guide our Christian service despite our circumstances or how others have treated us?
We must deliberately remind ourselves that serving Christ is a privilege, especially before we experience criticism and conflict. Only then will we be in a position to praise. William Law, an English clergyman in the eighteenth century, said, “If anyone could tell you the shortest, surest way to all happiness and perfection he must tell you to make it a rule to yourself to thank and praise God for everything that happens to you. For it is certain that whatever seeming calamity happens to you, if you thank and praise God for it, you turn it into a blessing...”
To foster the habit of praising God in all situations, I thank God daily for the opportunity to serve Him. I share with others that I consider ministry an awesome privilege. No matter what position one has in the church and no matter what trials we will encounter, we are all the priesthood of believers and can praise God for calling us into His glorious service.
Like the believers in the early church, we must position ourselves to be ready for trials, listen to the facts before we speak, and celebrate the privilege of serving Christ in plenty and in want. The first-century Christians knew that the battle has already been won in Christ. As 21st century Christians, we have their example so that we can live the life of blessing that the ministry gives to all who serve Christ.
Holly Owens is a ministry wife and former director of Christian education. She and her husband, Davies, have two small children and reside in Atlanta, Ga.
http://www.justbetweenus.org/12_01/bitterness.html
