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How old is too old? How young is too young?

Poll Results: How old is too old to spank?

 
  • 27% (5)
    i don't believe in spanking so it doesn't matter
  • 5% (1)
    Teenagers should not be spanked
  • 5% (1)
    age 12 is the oldest
  • 16% (3)
    10-12 is the oldest
  • 11% (2)
    12++ depends on the maturity of the child
  • 33% (6)
    other
18 Total Votes  
post #1 of 14
6/4/02 at 2:03pm
Thread Starter 
This is also a debate in the letters to the editor section of our local newspaper. Just curious about the consensus here. Assuming you believe in spanking...how old is TOO old to spank your child? Age 10? 12? 16? What do you consider too old?

Also what do you consider as too young? Is 9 months too young?
When do you start spanking... assuming you use this as a tool for disciplining. NOT meant to be a to spank or not to spank debate...
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post #2 of 14
6/4/02 at 3:25pm
I think it depends on the child. I got spanked for the last time at 12, while my older sister was 9 and my younger brother 10. If you spank, you stop when it it no longer an effective form of punishment or no longer a deterent.
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post #3 of 14
6/4/02 at 3:28pm
Don't believe in spanking here. But if I did I'd say about 10 or so.
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post #4 of 14
6/7/02 at 2:46pm
I can't believe that parents are still spanking with all the other ways there are to punish. As an abused child I can tell you there will never be a time that I will ever hit or spank my child. And I might tick some people off but I feel strongly that any parent that hits or spanks their child should have the child taken away from them!!!
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post #5 of 14
6/7/02 at 3:21pm
As a reminder: Kimberley did not ask this question to start a debate on whether or not you should spank, but to find out your opinion on what age to start or stop spanking in the case that you do believe in it.

I agree with Brenda that you stop using it as a form of punishment - as you would any form of punishment - once it stops becoming a deterent for that child. For some it may be 5 and for others it may be 12.

As for when to start using it, it should be when the child can understand why he is being punished and know that their parent is not just being mean, but has a reason for doing it. I do think that nine months is too young and even 18 months is too young. Maybe 3 or 4 years old? Not sure exactly.
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post #6 of 14
6/7/02 at 4:12pm
I also think you should stop when it is no longer working. I think I started spanking Tessa, which to me is a swat on the butt, when she was about two. It was at the point that I could tell her, if you do that again I am going to have to spank you, she would do it anyway. Than I would ask her, You did what I told you not to, do you remember what happens.. When she could say Yes, I get a spanking for... Whatever it was, I spanked her. Until she understood what was going on I didn't spank, and i still won't now, if she can't tell me why... Just my opinion. I don't think there is a set age, you need to go by when your kid is old enough to understand what is going on and why, and then stop when it isn't effictive.
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post #7 of 14
6/7/02 at 4:52pm
First, you start, if you so desire when the child has an understanding of right and wrong, I am learning that they seems to understand these things from a very young age we have an intellligent generation.

I agree with the others, when spanking is no longer a deterent you should stop. Since it stop being effective it makes no sense to continue.

Whatever age that may be at that time, can only be determined by the 'Parent'.
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post #8 of 14
6/7/02 at 5:42pm
Don't believe in spanking here! JMO!
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post #9 of 14
6/7/02 at 6:13pm
I started spanking Austin when he was close to 2. Nothing else worked, I could talk to him until I was blue in the face, slap his hands, timeouts, etc. But with him spanking does work. And I dont right out slap his butt hard, just one little swat on the butt and he knows!

I beleive that every age is different with kids to when spanking is no longer effective.

I remember the last time my mom ever spanked my brother or tried to. He was about 13 or so and he did something and she went to spank him and he was much bigger than her and he kept turning so she couldnt reach him. They started spinning in cirlces, and they both cracked up laughing. And mom said, well cant use that anymore as a form of disipline!
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post #10 of 14
6/7/02 at 6:21pm
Camryn usually just gets her hand popped but if you raise your voice at her, she'll cry. If she does something she knows not to, she gets popped on the leg, but mostly telling her no works for right now. I agree with the others on stopping when it stops working. Usually by 12, the kid gets more upset about privileges getting taken away. Whatever works for you is the right way as long as it's legal!
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post #11 of 14
6/7/02 at 11:21pm
I don't have any children, but I do know that I will use spanking as one form of punishment. I was spanked when I was young and it didn't affect me.

I think when my hopefully future child gets to be around 1, a light slap on the behind and the word "no" is what I'm going to do. I'd say when my child turns about 9 or 10...depending on how mature he/she is by then, I'll probably turn to other forms of punishment (grounding...like no tv for a certain length of time and stuff like that). At least that's my plan

Thank you, Lisa, for that reminder of what this thread is about!
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post #12 of 14
6/8/02 at 12:19pm
I have an 11 year old who I sometimes give a slap on the arm.
I don't know if you can class that as a spanking.
I would never spank her bottom because if someone dared touch my ass...I would boof em, so why do it to her.

I have a 4 year old that I have spanked a few times and all though I felt terrible for doing it, it seemed to do the trick. If you don't do it all the time and save it for serious things, then it's ok in my opinion. Sometimes 4 year olds won't listen. The tantrums she throws are full on.

My 14month old has had a slap on the hand a few times for touching things that she knows she's not to touch. (dangerous things, which could hurt alot more than a slap). I wouldn't spank her, she just a baby

The first spanking my oldest daughter got, was when she was 5.
The last spanking was when she was 6.
The first spanking my second child got, was when she was 3.5 and she still gets the odd one.
Although I hope I won't ever spank my baby, If I do, It wouldn't be until she is at least 3.

It is an absolute last resort.


Genie.
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post #13 of 14
6/8/02 at 2:17pm
I think under one years old is to young...and maybe even longer depending on wheather or not the child knows right and wrong, ect..

I do not plan to spank beyond the age of 5. I think there are better ways after that point. But thats just my opinion. I don't use it often to begin with, so it's not a issue for me.
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post #14 of 14
6/8/02 at 3:07pm
Personally, I think 12. I don't remember any after 12 in my family. Of course, my mom was a single mother by then about to remarry. So, the situation was different.

I have read, even in Christian material, that by 12 spankings just won't work. It is more of, "Ok, mom/dad, let's get it over with so I can get back to what I was doing" sort of thing. It is a break out of their day with a bit of pain involved.

However, I remember a few years ago at a special dinner for the church when the pastor was talking about a family an old church of his where the family was finally coming around spiritually and socially. The father had finally had enough of the 16-year-olds trouble. So, he spanked him. The pastor said he would have never done it, however, it wasn't his kid. The boy may have needed it. He also stated, "Better late than never." Apparently, it worked in that situation. The kid realized his trouble wasn't going to be put up with. Personally, I would have handled it differently....but.....

I think by the time they are 12, parents needs to be far more craftier in their discipline, punishment, and reward systems. I think everything up until then is a build up. Of course, when the kid is 12 and older, there are a lot more rewards that can be removed that are punishment enough for them.
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