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so frustrated

post #1 of 6
9/29/10 at 8:20am
Thread Starter 

I am so very frustrated right now and I really need some advice....   I used to work midnite shift full time, sunday nite thru monday nite.  That meant I had to go to bed when eric got home from work and he had the kids all nite. Well, a few weeks ago I had to have my gallbladder out and was off work for two weeks, and I also decided to cut back to only two days a week to have more time with the kids.   Since I've been home I have been appalled at the way things are in the evenings.  We'd been arguing for awhile about things like him blowing off kids bedtimes on schoolnites and homework not getting done.  During su,mmer bedtime not big deal, no homework so I figured he'd got it together cuz I'd not noticed anything else.  Well was I wrong. OMG...He thinks they should choose when to do their homework (which is usualluy 5 mintues before bedtime). Only choice Igive them is either immediately when get home or immediately after dinner.I have a hard time getting them to do anything, like pick up after themselves or get showers or eat dinner at the table.  Daddy doesn't make them pick up "mommy will get it", and eat in the living room. Everything is constantly a mess. Oh, and he's got them thinking i should be some kind of short order cook.  If they don't like whats for dinner he lets them pick whatever else they want.  Um, I don't think so?  My rule is eat whats on your plate or go hungry. I try to make it easy for them. If its something they don't like, I only give a bite or two on their plate. I feel that is a perfectly fine compromise. And Alie, our two year old?  He has her so spoiled it just not cool.   I mean this is beyond the terrible twos.  She acts a little better when Daddy is not home cuz she knows mommy won't put up with as much. But recently she's just been rotten all the time.  I love my daughter with all my heart, but she is turning into that whiny spoiled mean little kid noone wants over for a playdate. It's that bad.  She throws stuff at and hits her brothers, and thins it funny. Daddy just sits there saying stop but not stopping her. She just laughs and keeps going. I take the toys away and seperate her from the boys. She does not like being apart from them, so being made to sit in the other room for three minutes usually settles her down. Daddy won't discipline cuz she cries, and she can't be allowed to cry for five minutes.Shes starting to get very mouthy already, argues with everything.  I mean the kids basically run the place, and he doesn't see a problem.  ugh.I'm trying to get things back under control, but i am getting so worn out. It feels usesless cuz no matter what i do he's basically passively working against me by not helping. 

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post #2 of 6
9/29/10 at 1:25pm

I don't really have any good advice, because I am the big softy at our house.  However, I do know kids will play you off against each other.  I may be a big softie, but I always back my dh up. Our kids don't play these games with us.  I guess you're just going to have "a long talk with that boy" (meaning your dh) about the rules you want to set for your kids and getting them back to where you want them to be and where they need to be.  (hugs) 

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post #3 of 6
9/30/10 at 3:29am

ouch!  Yeah, I can see why that might be a problem.

I have evening classes two nights a week now and Jim is in charge when I'm in school.  The girls have all told me that "Daddy doesn't make them... "  I had a talk with Jim about it though.  Bedtime isn't negotiable on school nights, and neither is homework.  Dinner is whatever is cooked, or go hungry etc...  Our biggest issue is the girls chores.  They don't have a lot, but they are supposed to pick up after themselves and they each have one family chore to do each day (like empty dishwasher, take out trash etc...)  When I'm in class they go undone because he doesn't make sure they do it. 

 

All I can say is talk about it... you might have to talk to you are blue in the face

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post #4 of 6
10/1/10 at 11:04am

I can relate. I've talked til I'm blue in the face my DH doesn't get it. I'm not sure what went on when he was growing up but he doesn't lift a finger to help out until I chew his butt out and threaten divorce. (Thankfully its only a few times a year) The kids don't get it , he doesn't get it and I can't do it or enforce it when I'm not here. Therefore I won't work nights because when I did (I LOVE nights) I'd come home to find either the kids still up watching TV w/ dad or randomly sprawled out around the house. and I'm sorry but like Heather - Bedtime is NON NEGOTIABLE on school nights.

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post #5 of 6
10/5/10 at 8:24am

You are going to HAVE to talk to DH and ya'll are going to have to agree to some basic rules.  Dh and I had this problem and we definitely paid for it with some major behavior problems from the kids, especially our oldest.  Take care of it now, cause I promise you it only gets worse the longer you put it off.  We (meaning both of us) had to agree to always back each other up, even if we disagreed with what the other said. (Then we would discuss it later, in private.)  We had to agree on what chores the kids had to do every day and both of us had to agree to enforce bedtimes, regardless of what else is going on.  We have paid, and in some ways are still paying, the price for not doing this when the kids were little.  Please, take my advice and squash this NOW!  I promise you will be so glad you did and so sorry if you don't.  I'm still living with some of it, but after 3 years, it is slowly getting better. (See how long it can take to repair the problem?)

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post #6 of 6
12/4/10 at 5:05am

Daddies just hate to spank their little princesses..I don't know. Its just that I can relate to your husband.  biggrin.gif

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