Role of Step Parent

((hugs))  I hope you are feeling better now.  I am also a100% disabled vet and unless he's in a wheelchair or missing some limbs (more than one), he should be able to help you keep the house clean, neat and organized.  I had an aunt who was in a wheelchair for over 50 years and her house was spotless.  I had  a good friend whose father was paralyzed from the waist down and she was a great person and he was her primary caretaker.

Also, imo, in your home, he is the surrogate dad.  He needs to do all the things a dad does.  Maybe you will be the major disciplinarian. but in all other ways, he's a dad.  He should be doing everything a dad does - helping with schoolwork,  making them keep themselves clean, feeding them meals, etc.  Being disabled is not an easy out of parenting.  Kids need parents to be parents regardless of the parents' abilities or disabilities.  I don't get to say, "hey, MS is really bad today, I'm not going to feed my kids or give them baths.  I'm just going to let them run around the neighborhood like wild monkeys and let the streets take care of them."  Nope, disability is not an excuse.  You have to be a parent regardless of how you feel even if you feel rough permanently. 

If he has a mental health issue, then time to hit the VA counseling services and work on it.  That's what all the other disabled veteran moms and dads have to do. 

I am very sorry you are sick and I hope you get well and stay well soon.  ((hugs))

I agree with Lenora on the parenting. And I just wanted to send my prayers and thoughts to you while you are dealing with breast cancer. ((hugs)) I hope that things get better for you in all areas. So glad to 'see' you again!